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A generous way of saying "got a tomahawk through the skull as a symbol of Mingo loyalty to the English crown and a renunciation of the French crown" https://twitter.com/LarsDHHedbor/status/1266125092720869378
Ok so, hello, hi, how are you, friends
It's come to my attention that some of you don't know how Georgie Wash Wash started the first true world war
Well
I've had some gin
So you all know where THIS goes
#drunjhistory for yo worknight, fools
It's come to my attention that some of you don't know how Georgie Wash Wash started the first true world war
Well
I've had some gin
So you all know where THIS goes
#drunjhistory for yo worknight, fools
Now, there's sooooooo many colonial wars between France and England. Things are pretty chill at the outset, as everyone is trying to figure out how to grow corn from rocks and shit and the native Americans are all "so, is this like a temporary visit, orrrrrr"
Meanwhile, the French are all hunting beavers in trees or some shit. Or maybe beavers AMD trees. Hm. And the English are settling together and getting mad at each other about religion and building ships and also caring about trees and also pissing off the natives like whoa
Then the French and English and Spanish all start fighting each other in Europe and the fighting spreads to North America. There's King Bill's War, Queen Annes War, the War of the Austrian Spanish Left Hat of the Horned Frog Succession. Sooooooo many waaaaarrrrs
By the 1750s, the french are like "ok enuff of this shit" & begin a campaign of hemming in the English with a series of forts down the Ohio valley because that's the only way to secure the Ohio valley as WELL AS burying brass plaques that say "property of Louis the whatevs"
Because apparently when you wanna claim an entire region, you make brass plaques and then BURY THEM
That'll tell people
Anyhoo
The French start buildinf this one fort at the Forks of the Ohio. Gonna name it Fort Duquesne, right where Pittsburgh is today
Yinzer beginnings
That'll tell people
Anyhoo
The French start buildinf this one fort at the Forks of the Ohio. Gonna name it Fort Duquesne, right where Pittsburgh is today
Yinzer beginnings
Now, you'd be thinking, Pennsylvania would be pissed about this. And yeah, Ben Franklin ain't too happy. But Virginia is super duper pissed because THEY also claim this area of the world because, well, it's Virginia, and they're all uppity af
Hell, CT claimed what's now Michigan
Hell, CT claimed what's now Michigan
So Virginia sends off an expedition to protect their investments and whatever, and they entrust it to a young militia officer, George "oh I read a book about this army stuff" Washington who's also a surveyor because what else ya gonna do as a younger son
This expedition heads out for the Forks of the Ohio, and GW is all excited about his first expedition, giddy, like a second lieutenant about to find their first point on the land nav course only to find out they're not even on the right course
Then, like no shit, they stumble across a french patrol, out hunting HIM, to let him know that "this shit is Louis the whatever's, back off, bitch"
GW joins up with a party of Mingo warriors, whose leader, the Half King, is SUPER excited to prove that he doesn't like the French
GW joins up with a party of Mingo warriors, whose leader, the Half King, is SUPER excited to prove that he doesn't like the French
They set up an ambush for the French patrol, which is conveniently in camp. The shooting all starts and after about 15 minutes the French surrender
GW is pretty pumped. Everything is going pretty well, he thinks
WRONG
GW is pretty pumped. Everything is going pretty well, he thinks
WRONG
The Half King is pretty excited to demonstrate that he's through with his alliance with the French, and eager to display his new loyalty to the English, so he sinks his tomahawk into the French officer's head, saying "you are not hey dead my father"
So, uh
That's a problem
So, uh
That's a problem
Gets even better - the officer was a French emissary - technically protected under laws of war and the killing happened after the shooting and now GW has a BIG OL problem because his troops got outta control and he was in charge
So they beat feet outta there like paratroopers running into an armored unit and the French come on out after them. GW picks a great spot for a fort. A valley. In a creek bed. While it's raining.
Nope, not an engineer, not at allllllllll
Nope, not an engineer, not at allllllllll
GW names his fort, Fort Necessity, because he was super imaginative.
The French quickly surround him and force him to surrender. Because it's 1753, they have all sorts of terms and shit that GW has to sign off on. In French. Which he doesn't read. Buuuuut he's gotta sign it
The French quickly surround him and force him to surrender. Because it's 1753, they have all sorts of terms and shit that GW has to sign off on. In French. Which he doesn't read. Buuuuut he's gotta sign it
Aaaand when this doc gets back to Paris and London, you've got an English provincial officer taking responsibility for killing a French emissary
So that kicks off a WHOLE NEW WAR because that's how that goes
allll across the world
Which is how George Washington started WWI
So that kicks off a WHOLE NEW WAR because that's how that goes
allll across the world
Which is how George Washington started WWI
