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Star Trek has taught me that whenever you're having a bad day, you should try shouting "Computer, end program," because you never know.
Alternatively, you can throw out a "What is it you want, Q?" See if that flushes anything out.
A common social faux-pas in the "Star Trek" universe is bellowing "Computer: Freeze Program" and figuring out you're not trapped in a holodeck program, this really is how your cousin's wedding is going down.
"Computer, delete the Barclay character."
"Um, s-sir, I'm really her-"
"Quiet, I'm talking to the computer."
"Um, s-sir, I'm really her-"
"Quiet, I'm talking to the computer."
"Computer, can you make the Barclay character 20% less annoying?"
"Sir, I'm standing right here."
"Hmm, the hologram can hear me talk to the computer. The perceptual filters must be malfunctioning."
"Sir, I'm standing right here."
"Hmm, the hologram can hear me talk to the computer. The perceptual filters must be malfunctioning."
"Delete the wife."
"Ex-CUSE me?"
"Oh, uh... sorry, did I say that out... uh..."
"Ex-CUSE me?"
"Oh, uh... sorry, did I say that out... uh..."
"Will, today's the day you told my mother you'd take her to the-"
"COMPUTER FREEZE PROGRAM"
"Very funny, Will, I made the reservations for 1500, and-"
*running from the room* "COMPUTER END PROGRAM"
"COMPUTER FREEZE PROGRAM"
"Very funny, Will, I made the reservations for 1500, and-"
*running from the room* "COMPUTER END PROGRAM"
"Q! I'm done playing your sick games!!"
"...if you think this staff meeting has gone on for too long, Lieutenant, you can just say so."
"Q! I know you're behind this, this meeting could have been an e-mail!"
"...if you think this staff meeting has gone on for too long, Lieutenant, you can just say so."
"Q! I know you're behind this, this meeting could have been an e-mail!"
The other thing: have you ever noticed how sometimes the "Captain's Log" entries seem to be recorded like, right in the middle of a dramatic situation? You're coming back from a commercial and Picard's voice-over is catching you up, but when did he have time to make this?
Like, there are four Romulan warbirds outside. Did Picard just fuck off for a minute to add to his diary?
"Sir, where are you going?"
"Log entry. Starfleet will need to know what happened when they find our charred corpses tumbling through an Enterprise-sized debris field."
"Sir, where are you going?"
"Log entry. Starfleet will need to know what happened when they find our charred corpses tumbling through an Enterprise-sized debris field."
That's still better than the alternative.
"Captain's Log: the Enterprise is slowly losing power, and there's no way to stop it. It's only a matter of time before we're all dead."
"Uh, sir, we can all hear you-"
"Log continues: the children will die first, of course..."
"Captain's Log: the Enterprise is slowly losing power, and there's no way to stop it. It's only a matter of time before we're all dead."
"Uh, sir, we can all hear you-"
"Log continues: the children will die first, of course..."
Constantly recording log entries is the Star Trek equivalent of Tweeting Through It.
