imo shame isn't a valuable or helpful emotion for us to focus on because all it does is focus on guilt/feeling bad, but not on specific people harmed

many people use shame as a manipulator BECAUSE of this factor - it makes shame a valuable tool to control others with

when we focus on centering others, we have to consider their point of view, listen when they verbalise why our actions hurt them and consider how to change ourselves accordingly

we empathise or otherwise comprehend other people's feelings, we grow

shame is an insular emotion. shame does not encourage growth - shame encourages people to shrink away, to turn in on thrmselves, to hate themselves

the outcome of shame is not hurting fewer people or repairing hurt you've caused: the outcome is hating yourself

a culture of shame prioritises revenge - punishing yourself for your Bad Actions, even if those actions were just ignorant or misplaced

whereas a culture of accountability and apology is about actually taking responsibility for what you did and trying to make amends

shame is a normal human emotion, like any other! it's natural, at times, to feel shame

but shame is also a great manipulator, and shame within a purity culture is weaponised repeatedly for the purposes of controlling others