Read on Twitter
Welcome to Rob Palk's Tweet Writing Masterclass
Enemies will quail and attractive strangers hurl their undergarments when you harness your tweets to the awesome power of my technique
Now before we throw this tweet back in the idiot virgin face of he who wrote it, let's see if it can be improved
First off, where's the conflict? For life is a bitter war in which we struggle or perish and conflict is the tough sinew underneath the skin and fat of a successful tweet. Why not say "trying to kill and eat an evil pie for dinner"
Or perhaps your theme is romance! In this case you would say "trying to have sex with a sexy pie and make it my wife"
STILL NOT ENOUGH
HOOK your audience and leave them SHAKING IN AWE by adding that the pie is already married to your best friend
STILL NOT ENOUGH
HOOK your audience and leave them SHAKING IN AWE by adding that the pie is already married to your best friend
Now to your hashtags or, as we call them in the industry, your SCUMBAIT. #nom just won't cut it among the big boys of the twitter dick parade. Why not add an extra layer of tension by using #ThePieIsTryingToEatMe
For life is but opposition and contraries and jacked with this fact, your tweets can triumph on the bloody stage we call Viral Success
A good tweet does not need a photograph for you have already created a beautifully rendered word picture of your pie. A woman may photograph a pie
A MAN EATS IT
A MAN EATS IT
Your audience needs to SEE AND SMELL AND POSSIBLY TOUCH the pie. They need to leave twitter exclaiming "gee, I've encountered a pie!"
No photograph can equal the TERRIFYING STRENGTH of a truly crafted tweet
You now owe me $800
Pay promptly or you will feel the CUMBERSOME WEIGHT of my lawyers
