Everyone talks about a Hades/Persephone underworld romance story, but i keenly desire the story of the time THEIR FUCKING DOG WAS STOLEN

let me explain

Cerberus, the three-headed dog, guards the underworld. HE IS A VERY GOOD BOY. HE DOES HIS BEST.

Fucking Heracles STOLE HIM. Some sources (Diodorus) claim Persephone gave Cerberus to Heracles in chains, BUT THAT IS A LIE, ACCORDING TO ME, PERSON WHO LOVES DOGS, BECAUSE NO. LIES.

Another source (Euripides) said that Heracles fought Cerberus and took him by force; Ovid claims Heracles dragged him out in chains. This fucking guy then proceeded to parade this dog through Greece for clout, because he's a complete asshole.

Even Hera was like, "That poor dog."

Back to the story. THE STORY I DESIRE. Of Hades and Persephone, GOAT duo, heading out in search of Cerberus and to fuck up Heracles, who took their dog. I know that Heracles dies from poisoning, but where does he go but THE UNDERWORLD, RULED BY THE GUY WHO OWNS THE DOG HE STOLE

Cerberus eventually makes his way back to the underworld and his guard post, to receive treats and hugs from our protagonists, who are happy to have their dog back.

Truly, a romance for the ages: Hades, Persephone, "REVENGE UPON WHO STOLE OUR BELOVED PET".

Fin.

(also I am just !!!!!!!!! imagine if someone stole your dog and paraded it about, all: "look at this dog i stole!" only an asshole does that. TO TARTARUS WITH HIM)

I will also point out that while there is a version of the myth where either Persephone or Hades loans Cerberus to Heracles with the warning, "Don't hurt my dog, asshole," this story functions off the "HE STOLE IT" version. https://twitter.com/_ElizabethMay/status/1385212559935016960