Jury is 5 men, 7 women, half people of color as per the reporter on CBSN in Minnesota. One a cardiac care nurse in her fifties, one a Black grandmother and retired marketing executive, one a white woman in her forties who works in insurance.

Hennepin County is 80% white, as per the anchor on CBSN in Minnesota. Minneapolis itself is majority white, too. Reporter says a couple of the men on the jury are in IT. One is a chemist. None of them had seen the entire tape prior to jury selection, but most had seen news clips.

If all jurors were telling the truth, they saw the FULL tape of the murder of George Floyd in court on all four monitors for the FIRST time. Reporter said one woman was watching through her fingers. Another looked shocked. Reporter said she found it hard to watch herself.

I want to be clear that the CBS reporter did not use the term "murder" - that was my word as it is what I and most humans with hearts clearly perceive it to be. But because that term carries a legal implication, she didn't use it and that's why a lot of reporters say "killing."

I've never covered crime or breaking news, and have rarely had to do what we used to call shoe leather reporting. When reporters, especially those covering attacks on their own community, have to cover this, I wonder how much access to therapy they have. Who gives them a break?

We need these storytellers, these reporters, to tell us the truth. But some of them are reporting on crimes committed against people who come from their own communities, who were targeted for that very reason. The weight of that and the ache of it can't be discounted.

A lot of newspaper reporters - including those whose work now lives exclusively on the web - as well as radio news reporters don't get paid very highly. Same could be true of your smaller-market TV reporter. They're generally not rich, and mental health coverage isn't great.

I know the focus of today is on the memory of George Floyd and the comfort and dignity of his family and the people who loved him. But I do think about the toll it takes on reporters - in this case Black reporters - who have to go home after countless hours spent on this story.

I think about the Asian American reporters who have to spend all day waiting for news from sources on attacks on Asian elders. I think about people who are considered the de facto voice of the community because they're the one person in the newsroom from said community.

Over the past few years I have seen more and more people say, "Hey, you don't need to RT images of violence against my people into my TL to 'raise awareness.' Those of us who are targeted are aware. YOU watch that video." Not everybody agrees but that sentiment - that's deep.

My guess would be that many of the jury members only saw clips and didn't watch the full video, regardless of their background, because it's painful and even could feel disrespectful to George Floyd. But to give justice for this murder, they HAD to watch the whole thing.

There's an argument to be made that not watching it is to ignore the reality of white supremacy. I can understand that argument being made to me and other whites. But I don't think Black and brown people in this country have ever been afforded the luxury of "ignoring" the truth.

Anyway. I guess what I'm thinking about right now is giving space and grace to some friends today. And I'm sharing these thoughts because I'm anxious, and Twitter is sometimes a repository for anxiety. If you need to pray, or go eat something, or turn off all the media, do that.

Sometimes, the value of social media - and Twitter in particular - is that you can check accounts you trust to see how they interpret and speak about something that is too much for you to engage with directly. In this way it can be a kind of buffer to the full brunt of the story.

I really appreciate that these folks on CBS are talking about this so clearly - right now I'm seeing all women - and phones are going off, cats are meowing, folks are stressed, but they're doing their job. Talking about the most heartbreaking stuff, clearly and carefully.

I know social media can be terrible. It can do terrible things to people. But if you get your news from sources you respect and reading little bite-size pieces help you without having to engage with the whole story that brings you pain, that's okay. Or you can go offline.

My friend Michelle Buteau - who I won't tag here, but she's wonderful - worked in local TV news in NYC on 9/11. Her memoir recounts having to sit and watch unedited live footage, and then to edit raw footage, of bodies falling out of buildings - that very day, and for days after.

I would never try to speak for her (she's one of the most successful comics & actresses working today, she can speak for herself and then some) or for any news employee working today, but I wonder if covering a trial like this can feel like some version of that. Unending pain.

Anyway, I hope you take care of yourself as best you can, whatever that means to you today. I know that may sound hollow, or it may seem impossible. It's a rough day. You deserve rest and respect, whoever you are.

He's been found guilty on all three counts. Thank God, thank God, thank God.

Rest if you need to. And in the words of journalist @BriannaNHolt, "Let us not forget, this is accountability. Not justice."

Donate to the Black Journalists Therapy Relief Fund here - and thank you to folks on Twitter for sending me the link. https://impact.iwmf.org/give/298519/#!/donation/checkout