i am about to read and livetweet a newly minted millionaire's "confessions" over my morning coffee. never say i haven't done anything for you, twitter. NEVER SAY. https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2021/04/confessions-overnight-tech-millionaire.html

THIS IS THE FIRST PARAGRAPH AND THANKS I HATE IT

"$200,000 isN't LiFeChaNgInG"

ACCORDING TO WHOM, HONEYBABY? NOT ME. THAT IS HOUSE MONEY. THAT IS PAY-OFF-UNIVERSITY-DEBT MONEY. GET OUT OF HERE

also i am just at a friend being like "are you ready to be a millionaire"? WORDS I WILL NEVER HEAR.

"now i have TOO MUCH money"

ME, yesterday: is it possible to hate someone i have never met?
ME, today: YES

"MY FLOODGATES OF GENEROSITY HAVE OPENED SO WIDE THAT I BESTOWED UPON MY SIBLING ONE (1) CANDLE"

lmao i love that in the next paragraph she basically confesses that she's spent more money on her dogs than her sister

sure why not. why not go to the premier dental clinic for dogs. why not.

as soon as this woman, from paragraph one, said 200k wasn't "lifechanging" i knew she grew up rich. ONLY A RICH PERSON WOULD SAY SUCH NONSENSE.

ever read a thing that is just so wildly beyond your own life experience that all you can do is stare at it mutely in both horror and fascination? anyway here's a paragraph

"i want to give some of this money away"
"BUT TO WHOM, THOUGH? IT IS A MYSTERY I HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED IN MY ENTIRE RICH LIFE"

it would take me an entire dissertation to unpack everything in this paragraph, so i just want to leave it here for all of you. A GIFT, if you will

oh my god imagine using the words "reverse reparations" so casually in a paragraph about intergenerational wealth. IMAGINE.

i want an article from the roommate's perspective. I'll bet he has so many stories about this lady.

"MY MONEY JUST CAUSES SO MUCH CONFLICT"

OKAY WE GET IT. JESUS.

"it would be disastrous, for example, to buy my sister TWO boutique candles"

ANYWAY that's the end of that. GOOD MORNING EVERYONE, EAT THE RICH