i just think house and Wilson should fuck and that

- Wilson should top

- House should think Wilson throwing him around is great and keep commenting sarcastically about what a big strong man he is

- Wilson should be torn between pride and insecurity about it
I also think said pride/insecurity mix should manifest in precisely the way it always does with Wilson: Wilson out loud talking rapidly to justify how him being demanding or whatever as a partner is "manly" and theoretically appealing if they're gay or at least attracted to men
and house who, whenever he manages to get Wilson into one of these insecure rants, keeps grinning and saying, "did I say I didn't like it?"

which just freaks Wilson out MORE
Is Wilson having a little panic about acting on his attraction to men and of all people to house at his age?

yes, a little bit, but not as much as you might think
is he panicking about how House with this new insight to wilson's sexual habits keeps not psychoanlysing him and his past relationships, but tricking WILSON into psychoanlaysing his own?

ABSOLUTELY, and house KNOWS it
and every time wilson tries to turn it around on house and goes well you like it!! what does it say about you that you like when I go out of my way to control you!
and house is like, well i guess the same thing it usually says about our relationship, that we're codependent and I trust you a WEIRD amount, and the same thing it says about my relationship with hookers, that I like my slap tickled and vice versa
wilson: ...

house: do you disagree

Wilson: SHUT UP
the Thing I love about house is that as much as I absolutely do feel he's insecure about his relationships and would ultimately assume that Wilson is going to get tired of him at any moment and abandon him, like

his desire to shock and mess with people trumps anxiety every time
house: just because we're having sex with each other doesn't mean we're gay

Wilson from the depths of his new identity crisis: yes it does!!!

house: ... (mildly) okay, yes it does

wilson: ... (loud, wordless frustration before walking out)

house: (to team) what's HER problem?
also house would apply for literally everything he could bc he's a gay doctor now

and Wilson keeps going, but you keep saying we're not gay

house: but you said we are

wilson: you can't keep saying you're gay just when it benefits you
house, sarcastically: what, you think i should only tell people I'm gay if it'll get me discriminated against? have you decided to have sex with me as a roundabout way of punishing me?

wilson: you can't only be gay when it suits you

house: what about when it suits you?
wilson, backed into a corner and unable to retort:

house: :)
but also you know damn well that Wilson can absolutely humiliate house (lovingly) with loud, public declarations of devotion and affection, serenades, etc, and that he can win literally any argument he wants by doing this bc house can always by defeated this way
house, unable to say a word, shoulders tight as a draw string, stifling a weird embarrassed smile because wilson is literally serenading him?

house, without moving his lips: you know you're gonna give gay doctors such a bad name if you make me kill you
ALSO ALSO ALSO

wilson: you keep flirting with women

house: I'm sorry am i not being gay enough for you. i can flirt with men too if it makes you feel better

wilson: well maybe what would make me feel better if you stopped... fishing in other ponds
house: what if I reel one in, are you saying you don't want to share

wilson, squinting: ... for a man or a woman

house: does it make a difference which one

wilson: is it homophobic if I say yes
ALSO HOUSE ORGANISES GIRLS NIGHTS WITH WILSON'S EX WIVES WHICH EVERYONE, INCLUDING THEM, HATES

and Wilson responds by reaching out to house's mother, which leaves house somewhere between vulnerable, which he hates, and outplayed, which ofc he loves
if house's parents were homophobic he'd love that, but i feel like his step dad would be like. gruffly supportive

which ofc would send house SPIRALLING bc there's nothing he hates more than that man's approval
chase: if you're gay why have you never tried to fuck me as well as cameron

house: ...? do you want me to try to fuck you?

chase: well, no, I'm just saying, I know Cameron is attractive, but so am I, and even, well, I--

house: you're asking me if you're prettier than her
chase: no! I'm not! I'm just saying--

house, to foreman: do you feel upset that I've never tried to have sex with you

foreman, who is not playing this game, and doesn't look up from his paperwork: no

house: I can ask Wilson, I bet he'd say yes

Chase: ...
house: you WANT a threesome with me and Wilson

chase: no i don't!!! i just think I'd be the obvious choice if you did!
and I feel like Cameron would be Weird about it and get upset whenever house and/or wilson flirts with women and would say weird things about how they don't show their affection properly or something
and just. i can absolutely see her regularly trying to be Earnest and Meaningful about stuff like wilson and house pranking one another and house like

you know that just because we touch each other in our fun places doesn't mean we can't have OTHER fun, right? in fact--
i just think that half of the people they've ever met would think that house and Wilson are pretending to have sex to troll people

and I think that would infuriate wilson and delight house on every human level
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