Megathread: 1 Trying to unpick reasons why people disengage from those with #chronicillness such as #ME My thoughts below. Taken a couple of months! Feel free to add #neisvoid #pwme #friendship #relationships #MyalgicE #family #ghosting #carers #Grief #DisabilityTwitter #MECFS

2. Fear. They would rather not contemplate how life can be so suddenly derailed. They cannot bear to think about suffering and don't want to face up to such realities

3. Because they love you they find it too hard to contemplate your suffering so shy away from it

4. They believe that you are not trying hard enough to get better and that there is something you should be doing to get better so have lost patience

5. They have swallowed the illness and restitution narrative of society and don't understand why you can't just magic yourself better. People get ill and then they get better so why can't you do the same? Never mind that your illness doesn't have a treatment or cure

6. They are afraid to get involved in case they will be expected to help. They might have very busy stressful lives themselves for other reasons and just can't go there. Not that people expect help - sometimes they just want a 'hello how are you?'

7. Despite your efforts to raise awareness about the illness they have not taken much notice and therefore do not understand the gravity of what is happening in your life

8. The traces of a long history of stigma against the illness remains. They don't want to be seen to be associated with the illness etc especially the case with #ME

9. You no longer fit the shape of what they require you to be. You no longer serve them. Especially if you were previously supportive towards them but can no longer fulfill this role. Illness can change people and this change doesn't fit their expectations and needs

10. The things you had in common are simply no longer there as a result of the situation and so the friendship has waned.

11. Maintaining friendships when chronically ill is difficult for the sick person and their carer so the other person might experience this as a loss or perhaps a slight against them

12. Due to the Chronic nature of the illness they run out of things to say and perhaps didn't know what to say in the first place. Afraid of saying the wrong thing so don't say anything at all. Or they could be fixers who feel impotent in the face of something that can't be fixed

13. They have their own difficult issues to deal with and perhaps are already burdened with responsibilities towards others

14. NB I'm not perfect. I've looked at clouds from both sides now and been on both sides of the coin and have regrets about things I should have done and things unsaid

15. Their needs are always greater than other people's so they need to be around people who are less in need than they are

16. I try to err on the side of thinking the best of people, but there's no doubt that all of this hurts like hell whatever the reason.