If I am not elected they will steal your bones while you’re sleeping and you’ll wake up a big mushy pile of organs. A pulsing invertebrate with googly eyes that can’t see color anymore.

They’ll open the Hell portals and American streets will be flooded with slavering fiends hungry for the scrotums of our veterans.

They’ll reverse time turning many of us into babies which they will sell to Wayfair as expensive storage units!

But if you vote for me I’ll seal forever the rift between earth and Hell, make sure time flows in the right direction, keep your bones in your bodies and scrotum on our veterans!