Every fall/winter I start finding traces of mice, usually in the kitchen. Fine, whatever, it's cold outside, and as long as they don't get into my food, I leave an empty drawer I know they tend to go, and scrub every surface of my kitchen each day--

But THIS YEAR. The boldest mouse I've ever encountered has taken residence in my house. Twice now I've walked into the kitchen--with my dog--to see this punk mouse just chilling in the middle of the floor, nibbling something it dragged from the trash.

My useless dog just stares, every time. No barking, doesn't approach it, just stares at it, much like myself, just sort of flummoxed that this mouse can be so damn BOLD.

And TONIGHT. This mouse JERK...

I'm sitting on the couch, browsing tiktok, as I do, when I look over at my dog on her couch, chilling like she does every night. And the mouse is just sitting there on the couch with my dog. Like they're buds now and we're all just hanging out.

I try to slowly get up to--I don't know. I'm not gonna GRAB at it. I dont have anything nearby to catch it with. But as soon as I shift on the couch it runs off. Okay, fine. Mouse didn't do anything, but I DONT like the idea of it running around where I take lots of naps.

So I start scrubbing everything down, take the trash out, all that. But for whatever reason, I forgot and left my empty dinner plate on the coffee table while I was cleaning. Like an idiot.

So eventually, like 20 minutes later, I remember I need to pick up my plate and go back to the living room. Where of course the mouse from the movie Mousetrap is helping itself to the breadcrumbs and lettuce scraps on my plate. I swear it stares me in the eyes as I just sigh.

My dog is still just watching the mouse, still useless.

So anyway, mouse ran off again, I clean off and scrub the coffee table. Sweep and mop the kitchen. Research humane mouse traps. I havent seen the mouse since, but I KNOW it's nearby. But that's a problem for morning!Cara now.

Useless non-mouse catching dog. She's lucky I love her so damn much and don't make her pay rent.

AAAAAAH

IM STILL SITTING ON THE COUCH BECAUSE IM DUMB

"Surely," I think, "the mouse has seen me cleaning and moving everything around and is going to hide for a while. I can relax and watch YouTube before bed."

Like a FOOL.

I'm not watching YouTube on the TV, Im sending my friends tiktoks. When I see it, out of the corner of my eye. THIS. MOUSE. RIGHT NEXT TO ME. ABOUT TO HOP ON MY KNEE.

I didn't scream so much as let out a high, choked warble and flail my limbs. It ran off. I'm still in the same spot, tweeting about it.

What does this mouse WANT? I don't really WANT another animal companion/familiar. My dog doesn't need a pet. I dont want to be a Disney princess. I will happily coexist in my home WITH a mouse, I just dont want to SEE IT SO MUCH.

IT KEEPS RUNNING OUT ON THE COUCH AND I KEEP SCREAMING AND STILL SOBA DOES NOTHING

I'm going to BED, stay out of my ROOM, MOUSE.