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Scene: the Kardashian Kompound. Lightning flickers, thunder booms. It& #39;s Tristan Thompson with a strobe light & one of those special-effects thunder-making things. KRIS flashes him a thumbs up thru the window
Kris: ok kids this KOVID thing is really amping up
Kourtney: it& #39;s COVID
Kris: ok kids this KOVID thing is really amping up
Kourtney: it& #39;s COVID
Kris: um sweetie we& #39;ve talked about this before. It& #39;s KOVID
Kourtney: mom, come on--
Kris: [klears throat]
Kourtney: mom--
Kris, whispering: do you want me to get Scott? Because I will get Scott
Kourtney: ugh FINE. Mom, kome on!
Kim: it& #39;s less painful if you just go with it
Kourtney: mom, come on--
Kris: [klears throat]
Kourtney: mom--
Kris, whispering: do you want me to get Scott? Because I will get Scott
Kourtney: ugh FINE. Mom, kome on!
Kim: it& #39;s less painful if you just go with it
Kourtney: you guys are all kunts
Kris: that& #39;s the spirit sweetie! Now, as I was saying. KOVID is a thing and you know we MUST be part of THINGS. How else will we kontinue to feast on the souls of the living if we& #39;re not tapped into the zeitgeist?
Kim: should I get robbed again?
Kris: that& #39;s the spirit sweetie! Now, as I was saying. KOVID is a thing and you know we MUST be part of THINGS. How else will we kontinue to feast on the souls of the living if we& #39;re not tapped into the zeitgeist?
Kim: should I get robbed again?
Khloe, rolling her eyes: you already participated Kim, you did the island thing
Kim: that became a meme
Kendall, hanging upside down from the khandelier like a massive bat: memessss...are ssssstilllll...delicioussssss
Kylie: I kan get robbed
Kris: NO ONE IS GETTING ROBBED
Kim: that became a meme
Kendall, hanging upside down from the khandelier like a massive bat: memessss...are ssssstilllll...delicioussssss
Kylie: I kan get robbed
Kris: NO ONE IS GETTING ROBBED
[a horrific thump-drag sounds from behind the walls. A face appears from the other side of a floor-length mirror, swathed and mottled in shadow. A disembodied voice floats through the ether]: did someone....say my name....
Kris: oh krap it& #39;s your brother. where are the fish heads
Kris: oh krap it& #39;s your brother. where are the fish heads
Kendall: I konssssumed themmm....sssso deliciousssss
Kris: goddamnit Khloe go tell Tristan to feed Rob something
Khloe: feed him what?
Kris: I don& #39;t kare, anything
Rob: so cold...so very cold
Kris: shut up Rob
[Khloe leaves]
Kris: anyway, one of you needs to get KOVID
Kris: goddamnit Khloe go tell Tristan to feed Rob something
Khloe: feed him what?
Kris: I don& #39;t kare, anything
Rob: so cold...so very cold
Kris: shut up Rob
[Khloe leaves]
Kris: anyway, one of you needs to get KOVID
Kim, Kourtney, Kylie, in unison: NOT IT
Kendall: I ammm...unable to...kontract diseasesssssss...I ammm...of immortalll flesssh...
Kris: well one of you has to get KOVID.
Kim: mom I have like 20 kids, I kan& #39;t
Kris: ok, valid. Kylie? How many kkids do you have again?
Kendall: I ammm...unable to...kontract diseasesssssss...I ammm...of immortalll flesssh...
Kris: well one of you has to get KOVID.
Kim: mom I have like 20 kids, I kan& #39;t
Kris: ok, valid. Kylie? How many kkids do you have again?
Kylie: kids already starts with k
Kris: nothing wrong with adding more ks
Kourtney: yeah mom add three, it& #39;ll be triple the fun [starts kovertly filming]
Kris, narrowing eyes: do you want to get KOVID because I swear I will jam a syringe of infected bodily fluids into your kornea
Kris: nothing wrong with adding more ks
Kourtney: yeah mom add three, it& #39;ll be triple the fun [starts kovertly filming]
Kris, narrowing eyes: do you want to get KOVID because I swear I will jam a syringe of infected bodily fluids into your kornea
Kourtney: fine ugh whatever
Kylie: I make too much money to get KOVID. I& #39;m a self-made billionaire
[somewhere in the middle of the Kansas prairie a giant sinkhole opens; flames burst from its dark depths & a loud glottal laughter sounds]
Kris: sorry, had to khannel my derision
Kylie: I make too much money to get KOVID. I& #39;m a self-made billionaire
[somewhere in the middle of the Kansas prairie a giant sinkhole opens; flames burst from its dark depths & a loud glottal laughter sounds]
Kris: sorry, had to khannel my derision
Kylie: wow mom thanks for the support
Kris: don& #39;t you mean kupport?
Kim: are we turning & #39;s& #39; into & #39;k& #39; now too?
Kris: hell why not, kure.
Kendall: Kkkkkkkkhloeeee.....isssss returnnningggg
Kris: hm. How many kkids does Khloe have?
Kim: I think one
Kylie: that& #39;s not that many!
Kris: don& #39;t you mean kupport?
Kim: are we turning & #39;s& #39; into & #39;k& #39; now too?
Kris: hell why not, kure.
Kendall: Kkkkkkkkhloeeee.....isssss returnnningggg
Kris: hm. How many kkids does Khloe have?
Kim: I think one
Kylie: that& #39;s not that many!
Kourtney: don& #39;t YOU only have one, Kylie?
[Kylie sneers & writes YOU WILL DIE IN YOUR SLEEP in lip liner on the mirror. Points to Kourtney.]
Khloe [entering]: ok Tristan fed Rob
Kim: what did he give him?
Khloe: An arm? You don& #39;t need arms for basketball right?
Kris: Khloe dear
[Kylie sneers & writes YOU WILL DIE IN YOUR SLEEP in lip liner on the mirror. Points to Kourtney.]
Khloe [entering]: ok Tristan fed Rob
Kim: what did he give him?
Khloe: An arm? You don& #39;t need arms for basketball right?
Kris: Khloe dear
Khloe: what
Kris: we& #39;ve been having a konversation here about how to kapitalize on KOVID.
Khloe: oh are you gonna inject Kourtney with the virus?
Kris: well...sort of
Khloe: huh
Kris: except instead of Kourtney it& #39;s going to be you
Khloe: hey wait what??
Kris: we& #39;ve been having a konversation here about how to kapitalize on KOVID.
Khloe: oh are you gonna inject Kourtney with the virus?
Kris: well...sort of
Khloe: huh
Kris: except instead of Kourtney it& #39;s going to be you
Khloe: hey wait what??
Kim: you have the fewest kkids
Khloe: Kylie & I have the same amount of kkids!
Kylie: I& #39;M A SELF-MADE BILLIONAIRE!!
[in the wastes of Antarctica, a shelf of ice collapses with a massive roar, exposing the frozen body of a tentacled eldritch horror. one of its eyes begins to open]
Khloe: Kylie & I have the same amount of kkids!
Kylie: I& #39;M A SELF-MADE BILLIONAIRE!!
[in the wastes of Antarctica, a shelf of ice collapses with a massive roar, exposing the frozen body of a tentacled eldritch horror. one of its eyes begins to open]
Kendall, her eyes glowing red: it isssss....the komingggg....of the old onesssss...
Kris: look one of us needs to get KOVID and we had a vote while you were gone. fair is fair Khloe
Khloe: uh how is it fair if I didn& #39;t get to vote???
Kris: we live in Amerika sweetie
Khloe:...true
Kris: look one of us needs to get KOVID and we had a vote while you were gone. fair is fair Khloe
Khloe: uh how is it fair if I didn& #39;t get to vote???
Kris: we live in Amerika sweetie
Khloe:...true
Khloe: ok fine but YOU OWE ME
Kris: well what do you want?
Khloe, konsidering: LeBron James
Kendall: nnnooo...imposssible....he belongsssssss...to a higherrrr powerrrr....
Khloe: ugh fine. Uh, Kyrie Irving then
Kim: we wouldn& #39;t have to change his first name
Kris: true!
Kris: well what do you want?
Khloe, konsidering: LeBron James
Kendall: nnnooo...imposssible....he belongsssssss...to a higherrrr powerrrr....
Khloe: ugh fine. Uh, Kyrie Irving then
Kim: we wouldn& #39;t have to change his first name
Kris: true!
Kourtney: haven& #39;t you ever konsidered that you& #39;re all just using the bodies of Black men in order to access the social and entertainment kapital of Blackness without engaging in the systemic racism and anti-Black violence that both consumes Black people while elevating their art?
Kris: KOURTNEY
Kourtney: sorry, konsumes Black people
Kris: Better. I don& #39;t kare
Kim: Kanye& #39;s art has only improved since we& #39;ve been married
[flash to Kanye, alone in Kim& #39;s massive empty mansion, sitting in a pile of grey beanbags sculpting Donald Trump& #39;s head out of ground beef]
Kourtney: sorry, konsumes Black people
Kris: Better. I don& #39;t kare
Kim: Kanye& #39;s art has only improved since we& #39;ve been married
[flash to Kanye, alone in Kim& #39;s massive empty mansion, sitting in a pile of grey beanbags sculpting Donald Trump& #39;s head out of ground beef]
Kris: we& #39;re losing focus here. Kourtney, if you insist on analyzing systems of oppression within my hearing I& #39;m going to make Kendall seed your skull with countless motes of impossible darkness
Kendall: my babiessssss...musssttt feeeed
Kourtney: UGH FINE
Kris: Now Khloe
Kendall: my babiessssss...musssttt feeeed
Kourtney: UGH FINE
Kris: Now Khloe
Khloe: fine let& #39;s get this over with
Kris: that& #39;s my kirl!
Kim: mom that doesn& #39;t even make---you know what never mind
Kris: SCOTT! THE NEEDLE!
[Scott Disick materializes from thin air. He walks in front of the mirror--note he casts no reflection]
Khloe: the things I do for love
Kris: that& #39;s my kirl!
Kim: mom that doesn& #39;t even make---you know what never mind
Kris: SCOTT! THE NEEDLE!
[Scott Disick materializes from thin air. He walks in front of the mirror--note he casts no reflection]
Khloe: the things I do for love
Kris: it is done
[more lightning, thunder. Tristan Thompson sits outside the mansion, cradling his gnawed-off arm stump, sobbing] https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/28/entertainment/khloe-kardashian-coronavirus/index.html">https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/2...
[more lightning, thunder. Tristan Thompson sits outside the mansion, cradling his gnawed-off arm stump, sobbing] https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/28/entertainment/khloe-kardashian-coronavirus/index.html">https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/2...
None of you kan possibly hate me more than I already hate myself for doing this
If you pay me I& #39;ll stop https://twitter.com/ellle_em/status/1309999500992405504?s=20">https://twitter.com/ellle_em/...
