Well, might as well fuck around with some tacos, gin, and restarting the Star Wars marathon

Episode I, aka Free Trade and Sailors Rights it is, then

I mean, Naboo is totally the US, fighting for free trade, dinky army, tiny Navy, bad relations with the Native beings

Except the monarch is smarter than Jimmy Madison and tries to stave off an unequal contest

Jesus, Naboo just lets the trade federation walk into the capital when it's an urban warfare DREAM

Make the clankers bleed for every block

Er, not bleed, uh, ooze?

It's hard to really delve deep into the galactic-political situation when you can't get past wanting to fire Jar-Jar into the sun

Either sun will do

You get a really good idea of how ineffective the Republic is when two of its chief ambassadors have to resort to gambling on a race to get the parts they need for their ship

Pretty easy to see how empire would be damn tempting

Also "feel don't think" is just the LAST mantra that you want from the people who are gonna be the Republic's generals

I stand by my assertion that the jedi are only marginally better than the sith. Marginally. Just because they're not an overt death cult

Love how the Jedi bend all the rules with mind control and all but they won't free Anakin's mom from slavery, even when the Republic has made it illegal

Yes, this is probably gonna turn into a jedi-bashing thread

Anyways, after 30 minutes of shit on Coruscant, and of bad acting from some of the greatest actresses and actors of the past few decades, now we're onto some maneuver warfare

When I say "maneuver," I mean "line warfare"

The Gungans treat generalship like the US in 1861

Gungans don't even bother to send out recon or screen elements while moving in column smdh

Just relying on shields against armor

And the Trade Federation sends in armor without infantry

What is this, the Iran-Iraq War?

Jesus, "cover" isn't something that anyone is gonna realize until Rogue One

But hey, Gungans with indirect fire

If only they used their cavalry on the flanks...

Oh, sure, Gungans charging their cavalry up the middle

This isn't Waterloo, guys

Well, maybe it is, but Blücher ain't coming

No one in these movies has any concept of "flanking"

The good guys only seem to get by with Deus ex Machina situations

No tactics

No strategy

Just luck

Like an 8yo randomly shooting things

Which, ya know, 8yos will totally do

God, what a horrible movie

Just terrible

I try to keep an open mind but it's JUST SO BAD