Ok I haven't been posting much on Twitter for #ADHDAwarenessMonth cause I been taking my game to TikTok but I wanna talk for a minute about self esteem, and more specifically, about @GroovyBruce

So as a child/teen I had horrible self esteem and I never really knew why but I've learned from coaching so many people with #ADHD that most of us struggle with feeling good enough. We miss social cues, we are impulsive, and in my case, I was straight up "the weird kid"

On top of this Black and White thinking got me judging myself against a standard of perfection ALWAYS. Even as a child, if I could *fucking nail something* on the first try I would melt into a puddle of self hatred, sure that I was just a garbage human

(Stick with me, Bruce, I'm getting there)

Also as a pretty smart/gifted kid (which many neurodiverse children are) I actually *could*, very often, Nail The Thing On The First Try. Often with like, 60% effort. So it was very confusing. I really didnt know whether to love or hate me.

Anyway, as a teen I really passionately wanted to be a musician. I grew up to be a musician. My entire music career, including when I was just starting out, I was sure that I was a garbage musician who was Not As Good As The Other Musicians

This idea that I was just sloppier, less talented, and less inherently musically inclined undermined my self confidence throughout the entirety of my music "career". It actually kinda soured me on music.

This idea has been with me ever since I started playing music, that I was just somehow not good enough. I really overcompensated later in my career but when I was 18, I started writing fun poppy-punk songs, which I was sure were terrible because of how simple they were.

On the other hand as a mid-20s adult, I would see these CHILDREN, these FuCKiNG HIpSTer BabIES, write the most simple shit and it would be mind-blowing beautiful and clever and brilliant and I would die inside, every time

"Why am I trying so hard to be musically complex, why do I think I need to be perfect when these idiots can slap three chords together and it sounds SO GOOD? I CAN DO THAT WHY DONT I JUST DO THAT?!"

So anyway, it turns out I have some kind talent-equivalent of body dysmorphia disorder. Because I recently rediscovered a handful of songs I wrote as an 18 year old and they FUCKING SLAP

Like if 25 year old me heard the song that 18 year old me wrote but didnt know it was *ME* she would be so pissed and so jealous.

Notably I was really into splattercore at the time, especially the movies of Sam Raimi and my biggest hero was Bruce Campbell. And so, without further ado, I present to a cover of my 18 year old self, "Bruce Campbell". Enjoy!

I wrote this song in 2004(ish). Its simplistic but like, its pretty funny and clever and solid, melodically-speaking. It's nothing fancy. But like...this is an aight tune.

Do you know what this means?! This means I've been good at music for 18 years. EIGHTEEN YEARS. AND I THINK I MIGHT ONLY BE REALIZING NOW IN A NON-SWAGGERY, NON-OVERCOMPENSATING WAY THAT I WAS PRETTY GOOD AT IT ALL ALONG.

Anyway that's all gnight folks!