JK Rowling: Hello children
Rowling: i heard you ssssigned my letter
King: oh jk haha funny you should bring that up
King: um yeah so we kind of signed
King: a different letter
Rowling:
Rowling: a DIFFERENT letter?!

King: yeah it's LIKE your letter
King: but the opposite
Rowling:
King: like you know how you said trans people are bad?
King: like we were thinking um what if
King: what if they are valid
Rowling:
Rowling:

Rowling: you sssigned a letter in opposssition to my letter??
Rowling: how dare you ussse my own ssspellss againsst me
Rowling: this drawss on the deep magic!
Rowling: this sssounds like gaiman's doing
Rowling: isss thiss neil's doing??
King: well he uh was involved

Rowling [reading letter]: Ssso THESE are the traitorsss!
Rowling: Joe Hill?! Tracey Baptiste?!?! THE GALL!!!
Rowling: POPPY Z BRITE??!?!? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!
Brite:
Brite: is this a joke

Rowling: you foolsss, you think your puny letter can ssstand against the combined might of the dark lord and all THE POWERSSS OF HELL
King: aw boy i was really hoping this wouldn't cause a thing
Rowling: [hits ground w staff, chasm opens, flames lick out as carmina burana plays]

Rowling: TONIGHT KING WE END THISSS
Rowling: OUR DEMONSSS WILL FIGHT AND WE SSSHALL SEE WHO HAS THE SSSSTRONGER LETTER
King: no please don't make me fight you
King: i loved harry potter D:
Gaiman: you have to do this steve
King: [crying] i never wanted it to come to this!

Rowling: I CALL UPON
Rowling: NINA PALEYYYY
Paley: [rising from crevice] i used power goo to make the venus of willendorf dance
King: i call upon
King: MARGARET ATWOOD
Rowling: wait you can't do that she's one of mine
Atwood: GUESS AGAIN BITCH

Rowling: I CALL UPON
Rowling: MUFFY ST TIGGLESTINK
King: wait that's not a real person
Rowling: YES IT IS, SHE'S VERY FAMOUS IN ENGLAND
Rowling: ONE OF THE MANY FAMOUS ENGLISH PEOPLE WHO SUPPORT ME
Rowling: like Sir Boofle J. Hefferbottom and Duke Ploppington of Hemmingwedge

King: Gail Simone, I choose you!
Rowling: Trying to take me down with a comic perssson eh? I have the perfect counter attack!!!
Rowling: Tatssssuya Isssshida I choossse you!
King: oh yeah i guess that guy makes comics
Ishida: [emerging from crevice] i have 8 readers!

King: Gail, use FIST OF MAYTAG
Gail Simone: [materializing refridgerator] GET READY TO HAVE YOU ASS FRIDGED, TATSUYA
Rowling: Tatsuya, use the attack where you draw a whole bunch of convoluted shit that doesn't hold together at all!
Ishida: MY ULTIMATE ATTACK!