My most shameful secret is sometimes I watch reality singing competition compilation videos like EVERYONE WAS SKEPTICAL BUT THEN SIMON CRIED so I too can cry cathartically and this girl is one of my faves.

My heart also belongs to Sal:

But any of the EVEN BLAKE SHELTON TURNED HIS CHAIR AROUND FOR THIS compilations are just pure pure emotional release for me.

But like this CHILD singing “I Am Telling You” from Dreamgirls like she’s been divorced six times already is just...

And I know! I know they HAVE BEEN PRESCREENED! It doesn’t matter. I am ready for that Black Mirror life

Sometimes I do hear a vocal coach in my head saying “you should NOT be singing in that register at your age even if it sounds great, you need to mature first!!”

Also the best ones are always from Britain’s Got Talent bc those people are UNPREDICTABLE as HELL.

Simon has no discernible humanity but he loves dogs and will vote for any original song about how bullying kids is bad and that’s Simon.

I will also say, on his behalf, that a mean comic came out and BRUTALLY roasted the judges like CRUSHED THEM w PERSONAL THINGS and all the judges were mad and Simon laughed so hard his head fell on the table.

The key REALLY IS to only watch Golden Buzzer compilations and so on bc I do not want to see anyone fail.