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JED BARTLETT: *peering at news* Abby, did you see this?
ABBY: don& #39;t get your blood pressure up. it& #39;s not your concern anymore.
JED: well, of course it is. can& #39;t a man be interested in current events?
ABBY: just tell me you won& #39;t call--
JED: get Toby on the phone, will you?
ABBY: don& #39;t get your blood pressure up. it& #39;s not your concern anymore.
JED: well, of course it is. can& #39;t a man be interested in current events?
ABBY: just tell me you won& #39;t call--
JED: get Toby on the phone, will you?
TOBY: yes, sir, I& #39;ve heard.
JED: do you think he& #39;s faking it?
TOBY: no, sir, I don& #39;t. I don& #39;t think his ego would allow it.
JED: should I make a statement?
TOBY: what kind of statement, sir?
JED: I don& #39;t know. "I told you so?"
TOBY: no, I don& #39;t think you should say that.
JED: do you think he& #39;s faking it?
TOBY: no, sir, I don& #39;t. I don& #39;t think his ego would allow it.
JED: should I make a statement?
TOBY: what kind of statement, sir?
JED: I don& #39;t know. "I told you so?"
TOBY: no, I don& #39;t think you should say that.
JED: have you talked to C.J.?
TOBY: I called, but she was dancing barefoot on the lawn under the full moon. she hung up on me.
JED: *snort* WOMEN.
ABBY: *clears throat*
JED: what I meant to say was, have you spoken to Sam?
TOBY: on the other line, sir. I& #39;ll merge the calls.
TOBY: I called, but she was dancing barefoot on the lawn under the full moon. she hung up on me.
JED: *snort* WOMEN.
ABBY: *clears throat*
JED: what I meant to say was, have you spoken to Sam?
TOBY: on the other line, sir. I& #39;ll merge the calls.
SAM: good evening, sir. how are you feeling?
JED: I& #39;m married to a doctor. I& #39;m feeling nostalgic for the outdoors.
TOBY: the president thinks he should make a statement.
SAM: don& #39;t say "I told you so."
JED: I wasn& #39;t going to.
TOBY: *cough*
JED: I might have considered it.
JED: I& #39;m married to a doctor. I& #39;m feeling nostalgic for the outdoors.
TOBY: the president thinks he should make a statement.
SAM: don& #39;t say "I told you so."
JED: I wasn& #39;t going to.
TOBY: *cough*
JED: I might have considered it.
TOBY: sir, CJ& #39;s calling. should I merge her in?
JED: yes, for god& #39;s sake.
CJ: (out of breath) good evening, sir.
JED: I heard you were dancing.
CJ: a little bit, sir.
JED: did you do the jackal?
CJ: It& #39;s the WAP now, sir.
JED: I hope the P stands for "Pope."
CJ: no, sir
JED: yes, for god& #39;s sake.
CJ: (out of breath) good evening, sir.
JED: I heard you were dancing.
CJ: a little bit, sir.
JED: did you do the jackal?
CJ: It& #39;s the WAP now, sir.
JED: I hope the P stands for "Pope."
CJ: no, sir
JED: CJ, don& #39;t you think it& #39;s somewhat unseemly to dance when a man has contracted a dangerous virus?
CJ: can the First Lady hear me?
ABBY: I& #39;m here.
CJ: Mrs. Bartlett, do you have some sort of music-playing device with you? I want you to look up an artist named Megan--
CJ: can the First Lady hear me?
ABBY: I& #39;m here.
CJ: Mrs. Bartlett, do you have some sort of music-playing device with you? I want you to look up an artist named Megan--
SAM: Abby, don& #39;t do what she& #39;s telling you to do.
ABBY: that& #39;s Dr. Bartlett. I& #39;m looking, CJ.
JED: I believe we were talking about me.
TOBY: yes, sir. a statement. I still think it& #39;s a bad idea.
SAM: there& #39;s nothing to say that won& #39;t sound vindictive or false.
ABBY: that& #39;s Dr. Bartlett. I& #39;m looking, CJ.
JED: I believe we were talking about me.
TOBY: yes, sir. a statement. I still think it& #39;s a bad idea.
SAM: there& #39;s nothing to say that won& #39;t sound vindictive or false.
JED: what if I& #39;m feeling vindictive?
TOBY: then that& #39;s all the more reason not to say anything.
JED: god, you lily-livered intellectual elites pain me sometimes.
TOBY: sir, you& #39;re a Nobel laureate.
JED: get Ainsley on the phone.
CJ: you know who she works for now, right?
TOBY: then that& #39;s all the more reason not to say anything.
JED: god, you lily-livered intellectual elites pain me sometimes.
TOBY: sir, you& #39;re a Nobel laureate.
JED: get Ainsley on the phone.
CJ: you know who she works for now, right?
AINSLEY: good evening, Mr. President. I imagine you& #39;re calling to gloat?
JED: you have a vivid imagination.
TOBY: he& #39;s calling for advice. he thinks he should make a statement.
AINSLEY: sir, I work for the Lincoln Project. I don& #39;t think it& #39;s right I advise you.
SAM: I do.
JED: you have a vivid imagination.
TOBY: he& #39;s calling for advice. he thinks he should make a statement.
AINSLEY: sir, I work for the Lincoln Project. I don& #39;t think it& #39;s right I advise you.
SAM: I do.
TOBY: you do?
SAM: sure. we& #39;re on the same team on this one.
AINSLEY: your making a statement might benefit us, and not you.
JED: what benefit am I worried about? I& #39;m retired.
ABBY: your legacy.
JED: is secure.
ABBY: your children.
JED: are rich, grown, and happy.
SAM: sure. we& #39;re on the same team on this one.
AINSLEY: your making a statement might benefit us, and not you.
JED: what benefit am I worried about? I& #39;m retired.
ABBY: your legacy.
JED: is secure.
ABBY: your children.
JED: are rich, grown, and happy.
SAM: he& #39;s thinking of saying "I told you so."
JED: it was just a first draft. Toby will write the real thing.
AINSLEY: you shouldn& #39;t appear vindictive.
SAM: that& #39;s what I said.
AINSLEY: something statesmanlike.
JED: I& #39;ve been statesmanlike this whole time. I wore a mask.
JED: it was just a first draft. Toby will write the real thing.
AINSLEY: you shouldn& #39;t appear vindictive.
SAM: that& #39;s what I said.
AINSLEY: something statesmanlike.
JED: I& #39;ve been statesmanlike this whole time. I wore a mask.
ABBY: I made you wear a mask.
JED: Dr. Bartlett made me wear a mask. and in statesmanlike fashion, I obeyed my wife.
CJ: where are you planning to place this statement?
JED: I don& #39;t know. I hear Chuck Grassley found a messenger pigeon.
TOBY: the pigeon was dead, sir.
JED: Dr. Bartlett made me wear a mask. and in statesmanlike fashion, I obeyed my wife.
CJ: where are you planning to place this statement?
JED: I don& #39;t know. I hear Chuck Grassley found a messenger pigeon.
TOBY: the pigeon was dead, sir.
JED: oh. well I suppose it& #39;s not very good at its job, then.
TOBY: about as good as the postal service these days, sir.
JED: where would you suggest placing the statement, CJ?
CJ: I could give it to Danny.
JED: isn& #39;t he retired?
CJ: semi-retired. he freelances.
TOBY: about as good as the postal service these days, sir.
JED: where would you suggest placing the statement, CJ?
CJ: I could give it to Danny.
JED: isn& #39;t he retired?
CJ: semi-retired. he freelances.
JED: Danny, then. all right. we can give it to Danny. Ainsley, what should I say?
AINSLEY: should I bring George in on this?
JED: Conway? no. he& #39;s a nincompoop. blows this way and that with the wind.
TOBY: well said, sir.
JED: I want your opinion, Ainsley, not your bosses& #39;.
AINSLEY: should I bring George in on this?
JED: Conway? no. he& #39;s a nincompoop. blows this way and that with the wind.
TOBY: well said, sir.
JED: I want your opinion, Ainsley, not your bosses& #39;.
AINSLEY: well, I think you should say that although you disagree on many things, you know what it& #39;s like to experience an illness in office.
JED: that& #39;s soft. you don& #39;t want me to be soft on the guy.
SAM: it& #39;s smart, sir. never interrupt your opponent when he& #39;s losing votes.
JED: that& #39;s soft. you don& #39;t want me to be soft on the guy.
SAM: it& #39;s smart, sir. never interrupt your opponent when he& #39;s losing votes.
TOBY: he& #39;s not our opponent. we don& #39;t have an opponent. if we had an opponent, Josh would be on this call!
JED: good point. Toby, get Josh on the call.
CJ: sir, Josh is--
JED: In Portland, yes. they have phones in anarchist jurisdictions, right?
TOBY: he& #39;s in jail, sir.
JED: good point. Toby, get Josh on the call.
CJ: sir, Josh is--
JED: In Portland, yes. they have phones in anarchist jurisdictions, right?
TOBY: he& #39;s in jail, sir.
JED: an actual jail?
TOBY: as opposed to what kind?
JED: I dont know. some sort of mock U.N. thing, for kids.
AINSLEY: please don& #39;t put anything about mock jails in the statement, Mr. President.
SAM: why didn& #39;t Josh call me? I should be his phone call.
TOBY: he called me.
TOBY: as opposed to what kind?
JED: I dont know. some sort of mock U.N. thing, for kids.
AINSLEY: please don& #39;t put anything about mock jails in the statement, Mr. President.
SAM: why didn& #39;t Josh call me? I should be his phone call.
TOBY: he called me.
SAM: I& #39;m his attorney!
TOBY: well, maybe he doesn& #39;t want to get out of jail just yet.
JED: I can& #39;t still pardon him, can I?
TOBY: no, sir.
JED: God, I miss it sometimes.
CJ: the presidency, sir?
JED: just the part where I could tell all of you to shut up and make it stick.
TOBY: well, maybe he doesn& #39;t want to get out of jail just yet.
JED: I can& #39;t still pardon him, can I?
TOBY: no, sir.
JED: God, I miss it sometimes.
CJ: the presidency, sir?
JED: just the part where I could tell all of you to shut up and make it stick.
JOSH: good evening, sir.
JED: I thought you were in jail.
JOSH: I am in jail, sir. what can I do for you?
CJ: while Toby and Sam were busy arguing about who Josh should have called, I called the jail and asked for Josh.
JED: Josh, should I make a statement or not?
JED: I thought you were in jail.
JOSH: I am in jail, sir. what can I do for you?
CJ: while Toby and Sam were busy arguing about who Josh should have called, I called the jail and asked for Josh.
JED: Josh, should I make a statement or not?
JOSH: you should make one rip-roaring hell of a statement.
JED: should I say "I told you so?"
JOSH: did you tell him so?
JED: I tried. he wouldn& #39;t return my calls.
JOSH: then no, that& #39;s lying.
JED: and you& #39;re going to tell me I only get to do that while in office, I suppose.
JED: should I say "I told you so?"
JOSH: did you tell him so?
JED: I tried. he wouldn& #39;t return my calls.
JOSH: then no, that& #39;s lying.
JED: and you& #39;re going to tell me I only get to do that while in office, I suppose.
CJ: what if you just send your well-wishes to the youngest one?
JED: the tall one?
CJ: is that a dig at me?
TOBY: he really is quite tall.
AINSLEY: he& #39;s a child, sir. don& #39;t bring him in.
JOSH: well-wishes are "bringing him in?"
AINSLEY: in a statement to the press? yes.
JED: the tall one?
CJ: is that a dig at me?
TOBY: he really is quite tall.
AINSLEY: he& #39;s a child, sir. don& #39;t bring him in.
JOSH: well-wishes are "bringing him in?"
AINSLEY: in a statement to the press? yes.
JED: I suppose you& #39;re right. I won& #39;t wish him well. in fact, I& #39;ll wish him nothing at all.
TOBY: you could say you& #39;re feeling fortunate to have been well-advised while in office by health experts, including the First Lady.
JOSH: that& #39;ll just bring up M.S. comparisons.
TOBY: you could say you& #39;re feeling fortunate to have been well-advised while in office by health experts, including the First Lady.
JOSH: that& #39;ll just bring up M.S. comparisons.
SAM: how about you don& #39;t say anything about him at all?
TOBY: make it about the American people.
SAM: in a time of crisis—
CJ: *snorts* it& #39;s not a crisis, it& #39;s the first good news this year.
SAM: in a time of great uncertainty...
TOBY: a time of yearning for stability...
TOBY: make it about the American people.
SAM: in a time of crisis—
CJ: *snorts* it& #39;s not a crisis, it& #39;s the first good news this year.
SAM: in a time of great uncertainty...
TOBY: a time of yearning for stability...
SAM: ...a time when America, stuck in a beleaguered present, longs for a mythical past and a promised future...
TOBY: ...it is clearer now than ever that today& #39;s challenges shape tomorrow& #39;s opportunities.
SAM: ...as a nation, we grieve deeply together, and we rise together.
TOBY: ...it is clearer now than ever that today& #39;s challenges shape tomorrow& #39;s opportunities.
SAM: ...as a nation, we grieve deeply together, and we rise together.
TOBY: and—bear with me, sir—today& #39;s unprecedented trials remind me that America has yet to keep her founding promises to her citizens.
SAM: liberty. equality. prosperity. for too many American families, these ideals remain out of reach.
TOBY: my time to lead has passed.
SAM: liberty. equality. prosperity. for too many American families, these ideals remain out of reach.
TOBY: my time to lead has passed.
SAM: today, I am proud to follow a new generation—a rising force that fights for what it believes in.
JOSH: hey. still in jail for fighting for what I believe in over here.
ABBY: maybe you& #39;re an honorary youth?
TOBY: we& #39;re riffing. please don& #39;t interrupt when we& #39;re riffing.
JOSH: hey. still in jail for fighting for what I believe in over here.
ABBY: maybe you& #39;re an honorary youth?
TOBY: we& #39;re riffing. please don& #39;t interrupt when we& #39;re riffing.
ABBY: that& #39;s "please don& #39;t interrupt, DR. Bartlett."
TOBY: yes, ma& #39;am.
JED: say something about my children. Zoe& #39;s doing such great work at that awful socialist rag.
SAM: I am inspired most of all by my daughters, fearless in their devotion to their values and their nation.
TOBY: yes, ma& #39;am.
JED: say something about my children. Zoe& #39;s doing such great work at that awful socialist rag.
SAM: I am inspired most of all by my daughters, fearless in their devotion to their values and their nation.
TOBY: my time in the oval office affords me a unique vantage point from which to observe today& #39;s trials and tribulations.
SAM: and what I& #39;ve observed most keenly is the unquenchable spirit of human kindness.
TOBY: presidents don& #39;t save lives. nurses and teachers do.
SAM: and what I& #39;ve observed most keenly is the unquenchable spirit of human kindness.
TOBY: presidents don& #39;t save lives. nurses and teachers do.
SAM: so when you ask me if I think the country can survive this current crisis?
TOBY: I think a country is not so much defined by those with the most power, but by those with the least.
SAM: the real business of America takes place not in the Oval Office, but in classrooms.
TOBY: I think a country is not so much defined by those with the most power, but by those with the least.
SAM: the real business of America takes place not in the Oval Office, but in classrooms.
TOBY: and on street corners, where too many Americans, too many veterans, sleep at night.
SAM: and in the streets, where our youth are proud to march together and call for change.
TOBY: I know my successor in the White House will receive the best medical care in the world.
SAM: and in the streets, where our youth are proud to march together and call for change.
TOBY: I know my successor in the White House will receive the best medical care in the world.
SAM: I only hope that—with the leadership of more citizens, and fewer politicians—there will come a day when I can say the same of every single mother, every newborn child, and every senior citizen.
TOBY: add a God Bless America, and you& #39;re done.
JED: CJ, did you get all that?
TOBY: add a God Bless America, and you& #39;re done.
JED: CJ, did you get all that?
CJ: huh?
ABBY: you really should see this video CJ is showing me. it& #39;s really something. you say *you* did that dance?
CJ: well, not quite like they do it.
JED: please tell me someone wrote all that down.
AINSLEY: I did, sir. on tape.
JED: of course. the republican.
ABBY: you really should see this video CJ is showing me. it& #39;s really something. you say *you* did that dance?
CJ: well, not quite like they do it.
JED: please tell me someone wrote all that down.
AINSLEY: I did, sir. on tape.
JED: of course. the republican.
JOSH: you can& #39;t record this. you& #39;re in a two-party state.
AINSLEY: relax, I& #39;m joking. I just took notes. I& #39;ll type them up for you.
JED: should I add something in about voting?
CJ: sir, if anyone hasn& #39;t decided whether or not to vote by this time, you won& #39;t sway them.
AINSLEY: relax, I& #39;m joking. I just took notes. I& #39;ll type them up for you.
JED: should I add something in about voting?
CJ: sir, if anyone hasn& #39;t decided whether or not to vote by this time, you won& #39;t sway them.
JED: so that& #39;s it. that& #39;s the statement. no well-wishes, but no I-told-you-so.
TOBY: that& #39;s the statement.
JED: Zoe will ask why I didn& #39;t give it to her.
CJ: you can& #39;t give Jacobin an exclusive, sir.
JED: well why the hell not?
CJ: because I already texted Danny.
TOBY: that& #39;s the statement.
JED: Zoe will ask why I didn& #39;t give it to her.
CJ: you can& #39;t give Jacobin an exclusive, sir.
JED: well why the hell not?
CJ: because I already texted Danny.
JED: fine. we& #39;ll give it to Danny. but if there& #39;s any followup, Zoe gets it.
JOSH: you just called her publication a "socialist rag."
JED: and? she may be redder than a baboon& #39;s behind, but she& #39;s my daughter.
ABBY: Jed!
AINSLEY: it& #39;s okay, Ma& #39;am. Presidents are coarse now.
JOSH: you just called her publication a "socialist rag."
JED: and? she may be redder than a baboon& #39;s behind, but she& #39;s my daughter.
ABBY: Jed!
AINSLEY: it& #39;s okay, Ma& #39;am. Presidents are coarse now.
JED: see? even the republican is on my side.
AINSLEY: we have very few decent sides to be on these days, sir.
JED: give that nutter Conway my regards. and trip his wife down the stairs for me, will you?
TOBY: you& #39;ll send CJ the final language?
AINSLEY: already did.
AINSLEY: we have very few decent sides to be on these days, sir.
JED: give that nutter Conway my regards. and trip his wife down the stairs for me, will you?
TOBY: you& #39;ll send CJ the final language?
AINSLEY: already did.
