The child who came home w the N-95 mask came home more recently with a large silver insulated coffee dispenser with “Cottonwood Heights Country Club” on it and told me it was a school prize “for being such a good finder.”

But today I decided to dig a little and was like “so, this prize, did your teacher give it to you, or an administrator?” and he said “well, not exactly.”

Apparently he had awarded HIMSELF this, again, UTTERLY MASSIVE SILVER COUNTRY CLUB CARAFE, as a prize for being such a “good finder.”

So I said “when you found it, did you bring it to your teacher?”

Child: “No.”

Me: “Why?”

Child: “Because I didn’t want them to put it in the Lost and Found.”

(It’s now at the Lost and Found.)

“Which of the children will go into finance?” is not a question we need to ask any more.

The oldest has been selected (not by me) to get a PhD in theoretical condensed matter physics OR mathematics to avenge all wrongs her father felt were done to him in a academia.

The youngest is going to be an influencer and marry a sports star.

I stole so much money from my little brother as a child, as he chose to save his money and I chose to spend his money on candy and he was a heavy sleeper w adenoidal issues so you KNEW he was asleep.

A few years ago I Venmo’d him a thousand dollars, to cover 14 years of constant thefts and also inflation and the interest it would have accrued and he was like “this seems a little low, honestly, but I’ll take it.”

(He did not say that, he said “thank you” and my guilty big sister brain said the other thing.)