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My only response to today’s bad take (apart from making dino nuggets for dinner in protest as my whole lil fam has sensory issues):
My mom told me that when she was pregnant with me, she and my dad said “WE won’t let having a baby change the way we live our lives.”
Right out of the gate, everything went to shit. My dad got laid off and knocked her up (her doc said there was a massive baby boom from the massive nylon factory layoffs bc of afternoon delight.)
You may or may not remember my parents nearly died and my mom was permanently disabled in a horrible car accident about two years before I was born, and her pelvis was all jacked up and they had not planned on having kids.
Anyway, my mom had been telling her doc for ages that she could feel glass in her head from the accident and he kept brushing her off, so finally she went in and was like “ALL THE TESTS.”
And her doctor said “well, I’ll be damned. You DO have glass in your head. Also, congratulations!”
Mom: “thank you! I could feel the glass!”
Doc: “no I mean you are four months pregnant”
Mom: “thank you! I could feel the glass!”
Doc: “no I mean you are four months pregnant”
(She had been on Demerol and had a broken leg at this time and was smoking and drinking happily.)
When I was a teen, she showed me her diary from that week.
When I was a teen, she showed me her diary from that week.
Entry: “I DID HAVE GLASS IN MY HEAD. Also am pregnant. Mom said she knew at Christmas bc I didn’t like Scotch anymore.”
Entry 2: “We decided to keep it.”
Entry 2: “We decided to keep it.”
So my mom dragged herself around for the next five months, only able to descend stairs on her butt bc of the belly and the broken leg.
Then, the world’s worst ob-gyn entered her life.
Then, the world’s worst ob-gyn entered her life.
It was obvious my mom was going to need a C-section bc her pelvis was such a mess, she was fine with this.
“I just have three requests,” she said to Doctor Gaslighter.
“I want to be awake, I want my husband in the room, and I want the bikini incision instead of the midline.”
“I just have three requests,” she said to Doctor Gaslighter.
“I want to be awake, I want my husband in the room, and I want the bikini incision instead of the midline.”
“Absolutely,” he said. “Those are all perfectly normal requests.”
While my mom was getting gurney’d in for her planned C-section, her doctor said “I’m more comfortable with a midline incision, your husband can’t come in, and I’m putting you completely out.”
(Which they did.)
While my mom was getting gurney’d in for her planned C-section, her doctor said “I’m more comfortable with a midline incision, your husband can’t come in, and I’m putting you completely out.”
(Which they did.)
My mom woke up briefly some hours later and said “issss it a boy or girl?” and my dad said “a girl, honey” and she said “oh thatss nice” and fell back to sleep.
This exact convo went down about 4 times before my dad started lying to break the monotony. “A boy, honey!” “A puppy!”
This exact convo went down about 4 times before my dad started lying to break the monotony. “A boy, honey!” “A puppy!”
Then, shockingly, it changed the way they lived their lives.
My dad did not want another kid but when I was 3 my mom said “give me one month, if it doesn’t happen in one month, no more kids.”
This is why I have a little brother. My dad IMMEDIATELY booked a vasectomy afterwards.
My dad did not want another kid but when I was 3 my mom said “give me one month, if it doesn’t happen in one month, no more kids.”
This is why I have a little brother. My dad IMMEDIATELY booked a vasectomy afterwards.
Like any good big sister, I constantly reminded my brother that he was such a disappointment that my dad immediately agreed to have someone cut into his balls to make sure it didn’t happen again.
My mom chose a DIFFERENT ob-gyn for my little brother and was “allowed” to stay awake and my dad was “allowed” in the room but she was still stuck w the massive midline incision bc it was already there.
Anyway, she is a hero & the greatest mom in the world (love you, @CarolMcAlpine, my followers would like to praise you & also express their disgust at how you were treated during your first C-section.)
The moral of the story is: we make plans, and God laughs. Best of luck, Jill.
The moral of the story is: we make plans, and God laughs. Best of luck, Jill.
(Please do praise and express anger at this time, my mom has been through A LOT and during the car accident she apologized for getting blood all over the nurse’s white cloth coat. They only survived bc they were in front of a car of nurses coming on duty.)
