Cleric: How do you stay so trim?

Fighter: We do spend a lot of time fighting.

C: Yes but I’ve seen you eat. You eat as much as all of us combined.

F: Oh, I took a bite out of a Gelatinous Cube once. I can feel it inside me still.

C: What!?

F: I haven’t pooped in years.
#DnD
Cleric: We have to get that thing out of you?

Fighter: Why?

C: It’s killing you!

F: Kinda. But so is the sun, the air, and all those goblins.

C: Yeah, bu-

F: At least this way I get to eat whatever I want. I downed two cheesecakes yesterday. It was glorious.
Cleric: It’s not natural!

Fighter: I’m not smart enough to debate you on that. Hey wizard!?

Wizard: Technically our friend has simply traded an inefficient microbiome for an aggressive macro one. It may seem strange to us but so is breathing fire to those unaccustomed to it.
Cleric: Microbiome?

W: Yes. You might say that you’re full of tiny gelatinous cubes. They help you digest food same as the fighter’s does.

C: I feel like you’re distorting the truth.

W: I certainly am. I’ve been researching the fighter’s system too long for you to screw it up.
C: But they will die!

W: Eventually.

F: But I can eat as many pies as I want in the meantime!

W: Everyone dies eventually.

F: We’re going to hell tomorrow to fight a devil dragon. Is this really the top priority?

C: I guess not... I don’t want to lose you.

F: You won’t.
Follow me for more subverted expectations and weird nonsense. https://twitter.com/snickelsox/status/1309505688528322566
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