William Johnstone: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the Tale of the Evil Cat
Lovecraft: oh I don't like this
Lovecraft: if there's one prejudice i can't abide it's anti-cat prejudice
Barker: yeah that literally is the one prejudice you can't abide

Lovecraft: i just don't like anti-cat stories
Koontz: i like dogs
Lovecraft: yes yes we're all aware of what you like dean
Koontz: hey! >:C
Poe: oh boy here we go
Poppy Z Brite: you know we never talk about ferrets
Poe: oh jesus christ
Poe: just gasoline on a fire with you lot

Poppy Z Brite: listen i always have to listen to these 2 going on about cats and dogs
Brite: now you're going to hear about my carpet shark
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Poe: "carpet shark?"
Barker: oh criminy you're one of THOSE ferret people

Brite: [after many hours of talking] ferrets are only illegal bc of an archaic clause in the state wildlife code banning black footed ferrets but the legislature misinterpreted that to mean ALL ferrets. but you see domestic ferrets are actually descended from the european polecat

Brite: in fact the ferret has been domesticated longer than the cat and
Koontz: i heard ferrets were bitey
Brite:
Poe: dean no
Brite: WHO TOLD YOU THAT
Brite: THAT IS A BALD. FACED. LIE.

King: hey guys whats going on
Poe: oh good you're just in time for pet discourse
Poe: they're arguing about ferrets vs cats
Brian Jacques: [squeaking] ferrets and cats!?
Poe: what was that
King:
King: i didn't hear anything

Poe: do you have brian jacques in your pocket
King: aw cmon i had to bring him back, he was just too cute
Jacques [squeaking]: ferrets are all pirates!
Brite: what the hell, who is saying that
Jacques [squeaking]: cats are base villains!
Lovecraft: i-is that a ghost talking

William Johnstone: so what, you're saying you don't like evil cat stories?
Johnstone: don't worry, i got a million other ones! All genres! Horror! Adventure! Westerns! You name em, I got em!
Johnstone: and a whole like 20% don't have any evil cats at all