Thread by @ellle_em, Look there's a lot of pressure on parents to be perfect but [...]

Elle M. (they/them)

ellle_em

Look there& #39;s a lot of pressure on parents to be perfect but I have a BIG SUPER SECRET that renders the concept of perfection TOTALLY MOOT:

READY????

WELL:

apologize to your kid/kids when you mess up.

"ohh Elle that won& #39;t change anything!!! I& #39;ll still feel judged!!" yeah of course because this world sucks but when it comes to parenting the people who matter are you/whoever else is co-parenting and your kid and look you& #39;re gonna screw up

and I don& #39;t mean screw up in the twee SUPER RELATABLE mommy blogger sense where like, sending your kid to school with SHOES THAT DON& #39;T MATCH OH EM GEE CAN U BELIEVE IT GUYS is screwing up

I mean you& #39;re gonna hurt your kid& #39;s feelings. You& #39;re gonna be unfair, and quick to judge

You& #39;re gonna yell when you shouldn& #39;t, or jump to conclusions, or not trust your kid when you should because you& #39;re a person and people mess up in these sorts of ways all the time. And these screw ups will matter to you and your kid. Moreso than mommy blogger screw ups

But if you recognize that admitting to your kid that you messed up and apologize for it, you& #39;re undoing some of that harm. You& #39;re showing you& #39;re human and that you consider your kid human too--an individual, not an extension of yourself. You& #39;re showing them their feelings matter

And look, apologies don& #39;t negate things like abuse and apologizing by itself isn& #39;t going to erase doing bad things. But if you& #39;re truly invested in doing right by your kid, respecting them, helping them become who they& #39;re gonna become, apologies are crucial

and there are times your kid is going to have to do things that make them upset because life is like that. Apologizing for the overall unpleasantness of a situation respects the fact that you understand your kid isn& #39;t happy, that you acknowledge your kid is a person

the guilt pushed on parents revolves so much on external things--are they spending too much time in front of a screen? are they eating organic? are they doing extracurricular activities?

but in the long run, it& #39;s the internal things that matter & they& #39;re harder to judge

but the important thing is to remember your kid is a person, just like you are. And they deserve to be treated as a person.

Apologize. Try and let your child know you& #39;re all in this together and you& #39;re both gonna mess up but you& #39;re gonna try your best to do right by them

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