JRR Tolkien: everyone i want to welcome a special guest from the midnight society, stephen king
King: hi
Tolkien: here's going to tell a story here at unicorn fuck club tonight
King: i
King wait
King: that's actually what you call yourselves?
King: i thought clive was joking

King: this is a story about a dragon with eyes
King: so there's this medieval kingdom
JRR Tolkien: oh damn good start
George RR Martin: love those medieval kingdoms
Brian Jacques: just capital stuff!

King: so there's an evil wizard named Flag who wants to destroy Delain
Tolkien: what kind of feasts do they have in delain
King: what?
Tolkien: feasts. like what kind of feasts do they have
Martin: oh yeah gotta have feasts!
Tolkien: do they have big ones?

Tolkien: describe the feast dishes
King: uhhhh well they eat like
King: food i guess?
Tolkien:
King: maybe like
King: meat?
Tolkien:
Tolkien: nonono this won't do at all
Martin: hey jrr why'd you invite this guy again?
Tolkien: now george
Martin: dude can't even describe a feast

Tolkien: now steve let me demonstrate
Tolkien: there should be whole pig, spit-roasted to a golden brown. platters of buttered carrots & squash, cornish game hens, roast beef in gravy
Martin: venison sausages
Brian Jacques [squeaking]: soup served in an acorn top!

Tolkien: Candied meats and pickled dates!
Martin: Peppered plums on silver plates!
Tolkien: jellied mackeral patties and spiced melon sweets!
Martin: honey-dipped oysters and other nice treats!
King:
King: wow you guys sure like your feasts

Tolkien: walnuts braised with salted pork!
Martin: curried flounder on your fork!
Tolkien: now you try steve!
King: uhh
Tolkien: don't let the song stop!
King: uhhhhh
King: hamburgers?
Tolkien: now you're getting it!
Tolkien: but please
Tolkien: call them burgers of ham

King: i didn't realize you guys liked feasts so much
Tolkien: if i could, i would ONLY talk about feasts
Tolkien: sigh if only the readers didn't DEMAND that we include action scenes!
Brian Jacques: [squeaking] i use a toothpick for a sword!