I've talked about my great-grandmother on here before. I'm Suzanna Maria and she was Anna Maria (my mum is also Anna Maria). She was Austrian and died young (when my Grandad was only 16). Yesterday I heard a total badass story about her...

They lived in a block of flats in Vienna with a shared toilet on the landing of their floor. Anna Maria went out to use it then realised she'd locked herself out of the flat. She could hear Baby Grandad (Andreas) crying.

So she climbed out of the window and just shimmied along the outside of the building to her flat's bedroom window like Bruce Willis or Jean-Claude Van Damme or Spider-Man or some shit. What a legend. Give it up for my great-grandmother, wish I'd got to meet the fierce queen.

Meanwhile, me, her lookalike and almost-namesake has to call the authorities if I'm alone in the house with a spider.