....princess diaries 2 reddie au

i know, u r thinking "why not princess diaries 1" IT'S BECAUSE CHRIS PINE THAT'S WHY.

anyway, princess diaries 1 still happened in my princess diaries 2 reddie au, so we will start with a quick rundown of that

eddie, aka Edward Franciszek Grimaldi Kaspbrak Renaldi, Prince of Genovia, grew up in bumfuck Maine raised by his crazy ass mom because she was trying to "keep him safe" aka control him, and she never told him he was a prince or that his father was alive

tragically, his father passed and then his father's mother came to find him. as he was underage, sonia was Unwilling To Let Him Go, so his Grandmother Clarice moved to the shitty bumfuck town in Maine and brought with her her assistant, Patty, and her bodyguard/driver, Stan

Stan and Patty were mad in love, on the down low (sorry JoexClarice stans, i had to do this). Bev is Eddie's best friend, Bill is her adoptive brother, on whom Eddie has a crush. Eddie and Bill date.

Eddie accepts his role as Prince against his mother's wishes, it is a Turning Point For Him, it is very empowering.

so, now we are In Between Princess Diaries 1 and Princess Diaries 2

Eddie and Bill break up but remain friends, it was never going to work out for them, they both accept this. Eddie turns 18 and moves to Genovia with Clarice, Stan, and Patty, and blocks his mother's phone number. He keeps in touch with Bev and Bill.

Eddie goes to college and prepares to rule Genovia; his grandmother decides to abdicate shortly after he turns 21. Now we begin Princess Diaries 2.

Okay so the Genovian Parliament are HUGE dicks to Eddie because Eddie didn't grow up in Genovia so they dig up some SUPER obscure old rule that states that IF the heir apparent is not born of TWO royal parents they must marry someone of royal personage before ascending the throne

and sonia was not royal because she and Eddie's father never married, so Eddie is only of one royal parent.

Eddie and Clarice try to fight this because this is super weird eugenicsy bullshit, but no dice, Eddie is going to have to get married.

Now, there is nothing that says that Eddie has to marry /a woman/ in the law, however, so when Eddie is like "then I'll marry a man, bring me everyone who meets your criteria" the parliament goes full Surprise Pikachu

Bev and Bill came to help Eddie prepare for what they THOUGHT was going to be his coronation in a month but apparently now is going to be his wedding, to who knows who

the first potential suitor eddie meets is ben, and eddie decides ben is Too Nice for the dog eat dog world of being royal consort, but ben is a very nice friend, so eddie stays in touch with him

the next potential suitor eddie meets is mike. they seem like a good fit, a very practical match. they become engaged.

meanwhile, the shittiest member of the parliament has brought up some old old old paperwork proving lineage and showing that his own nephew is actually second in line for the throne, one Richard Wentworth Tozier II

eddie's great-great-great-great grandmother was richie's great-great-great grandmother's cousin

richie does not particularly want to be king, his uncle thinks that richie is a ne'er-do-well, lazy pawn who will be easily manipulatable if installed on the throne, and so his uncle tells him he will be whether he likes it or not

richie and eddie meet and begin fighting IMMEDIATELY

this originally happens because of a misunderstanding, but halfway through their conversation, eddie finds out RICHIE is the one who's trying to steal his throne and gets even MORE angry

eddie stomps on richie's foot so hard he breaks richie's toes; richie ends up needing a walking boot.

eddie and mike begin taking diplomacy lessons together; they are not very romantically compatible, but they both feel respect for one another and would grow to be at least fond of one another

SEVERAL mishaps happen. richie and eddie fall in a fountain together. eddie accidentally stabs richie in the shoulder with what is supposed to be a blunted ceremonial sword. richie shoves eddie into a suit of armor that collapses down a staircase.

they fight like cats and dogs the ENTIRE time. eddie overhears a conversation between richie and his uncle wherein they are fighting and richie tells his uncle he doesn't even WANT to be king, why is his uncle doing this.

eddie and mike officially debut their engagement. the photos are lovely. bev and bill and ben all try to talk to eddie at various points to make sure he's making the right decision.

after overhearing richie and his uncle's conversation, things between eddie and richie change. their fights are more heated. eddie accidentally lights richie on fire with a ceremonial arrow (he does not shoot richie, he just shoots NEAR richie...) and eddie drags him inside--

to put burn cream on it and then suddenly they're kissing. mike walks in on them. eddie leaves following after mike, but cannot find him. he goes back to find richie to talk about what just happened and finds richie and his uncle talking again.

he overhears richie's uncle telling him good job and he runs away near tears. he does NOT overhear richie telling his uncle to get fucked. he does NOT overhear richie's uncle telling richie that eddie will never love him back.

eddie finds mike and they talk. mike tells eddie he'll still marry him if that's /really/ what he wants. if mike is really /who/ he wants. eddie doesn't respond. mike gives back the ring.

that night richie comes to eddie's room. neither of them brings up what happened, edde doesn't tell richie what he overheard. they sneak out of the palace and go for a long walk and fall asleep beside a river wrapped around each other.

eddie wakes richie up with a kiss the next morning and tells him he'll be an excellent king. eddie sees they're being filmed by some shitty morning show and flees. richie is Very Confused.

richie gets home and sees himself and eddie on the news. he /also/ sees he news about eddie and mike breaking their engagement before that even happened.

richie had gone to eddie the night before wanting to talk, thinking if /anything/ happened it would just be once before eddie's wedding and coronation and then they would never see each other again. finding out eddie actually wasn't engaged when he kissed him that morning is--

like being shot with a firehose. he goes to try to find eddie, but it's already too late, eddie's wedding was supposed to be happening this morning, instead he's called a special session of parliament and the doors are LOCKED and richie CANT GET IN.

before the special session began, while he was getting all the bars and badges pinned on his ceremonial uniform, he talks to stan and patty

he tells them what he overheard, and that if being king means so much to richie, that he's willing to play with eddie's emotions to do it, he'll be an excellent king, after all, "He who neglects what is done for what ought to be done sooner effects his ruin for his preservation."

stan and patty think eddie may have misunderstood something from his diplomacy and policy and ethics of leadership lessons. they tell eddie they saw richie leaving the room where they kissed in /tears/ after eddie ran off yesterday.

eddie and stan and patty delay their trip to the parliamentary session to find the security footage. they see what happened, they hear what richie said and what his uncle said. they go to the session.

they find it already begun and the doors locked with richie pacing outside. richie and eddie have The Moment.

richie takes eddie's face into his hands. he says "eds, i didn't--" and eddie shuts him up by kissing him Very Gently; they've never kissed gently before. stan, patty, and the guards by the door feel like they're intruding.

"it's okay," eddie says. "i'll be fine. i promise." he kisses richie again and steps back. "you're so much braver than you think," richie says. eddie straightens his ceremonial uniform, tries to cool the flush from his cheeks with the back of his hands, and nods to the guards

they unlock the door to the parliamentary session and find Queen Clarice in an absolute screaming match with richie's uncle. eddie enters and everyone fully freezes. before anything can happen, richie follows into the room behind him, very underdressed for this, and--

announces that he'd like to abstain. he is removing himself from his position as second-in-line. his uncle deflates like a fucking balloon, then reinflates and goes back on his "eddie still has to be married to--" bullshit.

eddie very gently clears his throat and the man stops. "my grandmother has ruled this country alone for almost 35 years." "yes, and?" "and she is not of noble birth, is she?"

because eddie has been doing some digging of his own and found out that his grandfather didn't marry a noblewoman, he married for love. he married a commoner. Queen Clarice, for all the regality she possess now, was not born royal.

eddie continues on "i ask you to consider, would you ask your children, your grandchildren, your nieces and nephews, to do what you're asking me to do?" and the answer is largely "well, no." so eddie goes on "and as we currently do not know who falls next in line after me--

--i move we abolish the precedent." the parliament agrees except richie's uncle, who only agrees after realizing he's been beaten.

like a week later they're prepping for eddie's coronation; he's been so fucking busy he hasn't been able to sleep, let alone see his friends.

patty tells him he has one more appointment for the day and he's like "please god no more, i just want to go to bed" and patty's like "i think you'll want this one" and of course it's richie

richie enters and kneels at the foot of the throne eddie's sitting in and before he can open his mouth to say anything, eddie is falling out of the throne and down the steps and knocking him to the floor

and he kisses him and they hear giggling from the doorway and bill and bev and ben and mike and patty and stan are spying on them, and eddie gets up and offers a hand to richie who's laying on his back staring up like he's looking at an angel

but he takes eddie's hand and eddie pulls him up off the ground and richie tries to take his hands back to dust himself off but eddie's hand slides from his hand to his wrist and holds his hand out

and with his other hand, eddie reaches up and pulls a chain from around his neck that's been tucked under his shirt that has the ring mike gave back to him on it (probably some kind of signet ring that belonged to eddie's father?) and he presses it into richie's hand

and richie's fingers close around it automatically, and it takes a sec for him to register what he's holding, and when he does he looks up and his glasses are magnifying the absolute shit out of his eyes

and he's like "eds," and eddie goes "it doesn't have to be right now. just. someday?" and richie nods and then they kiss again and then eddie becomes king and then he opens an orphanage and then they date for a while but someday does come and they get married

and they adopt a kid from the orphanage and raise them knowing they're extremely loved and prepare them to be the future of the royal dynasty of Genovia