I have a hot take. I don't think there was enough cocaine at the DNC. Fuck it, gimme Michelle Obama just flying and screaming "Vote or die! *Kicks chair*"

Imagine a cocaine fueled calamari roll call from Rhode Island. I want it. I need it. And also, I still want some calamari.

Gillibrand on yayo? Yes. Absolute. Keynote.

Bernie Sanders quiet and whispering everything but talking really fast because he's self-conscious about being too loud.

The Democratic National Cocaine.

Sharice Davids takes down Klobuchar with a rear naked choke because "NO. She cannot have any of the cocaine. We cannot handle it. She's already so loud."

Barack Obama yelling "You ain't my bitch, get your own damn fries*" at Joe Biden.

Joe Biden is still very sober. It would be reckless to allow him not to be.

* Audio here. https://soundcloud.com/ebjefe/obama-you-aint-my-bitch-nigga-buy-your-own-damn-fries

Also, this Obama audiobook clip. https://soundcloud.com/ebjefe/obama-there-are-white-folks-and-then-there-are-ignorant-motherfuckers-like-you

And this one: https://soundcloud.com/ebjefe/obama-says-gotta-have-them-ribs-and-p-ssy-too