Read on Twitter
Remember that show "What Not To Wear?" I watched it allllll the time when I was like, late teens, early 20s. In the opening sequence the two hosts would walk past road signs with fashion tips on them and one was "No mini-skirts after 35"
Today I turn 35
Today I turn 35
35 to younger me always seemed like the boundary between "old" & "not old," like....no miniskirts after 35. After 35 chances of having a baby are way lower & you're considered "high risk" if pregnant. 35 was like...well I'm either gonna have it figured out or I'm gonna be a loser
Like by 35 if I wasn't published I should probably quit writing; if I wasn't getting my poetry picked up by journals/magazines I should probably quit poetry; if I wasn't good enough at whatever it was I'd started doing I should quit because it was too late
What sucks is I kinda still feel that way even though I know I shouldn't :/
Because at 35 I know I probably won't ever have access to the writing workshops and meet-ups and professional organizations that have been the key to other people's careers. I know I won't get my MFA. And even though I've been treating my ADHD I still feel the ADHD Freeze
when I try and finish a story I start.
It feels like a lot of doors have already closed and unfortunately there's nothing I can really do about those doors. It's depressing!! In a lot of ways!!
It feels like a lot of doors have already closed and unfortunately there's nothing I can really do about those doors. It's depressing!! In a lot of ways!!
I mean I've succeeded in some ways. I've managed to make friends like a real grown-up. I'm raising a child somewhat competently! I rescue cats. One of my massive student loans is paid down enough it's not destroying me financially. I'm still married
But in the ways that matter to me I'm still........35 and that voice in my head is like "ok time to quit remember"
It's really.....not great
It's really.....not great
BUT at least I don't care about wearing miniskirts or whatever, I'll wear what I want
Also I look ok for 35. Only a bit crone-like
