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Lockdown means elderly women have stopped approaching me in the street to ask, 'Is your hair natural?' I miss saying, 'No - warlock's curse.'
Anyway, here's a THREAD about the time I overheard a conversation between two old ladies in Yorkshire. (1/11)
Anyway, here's a THREAD about the time I overheard a conversation between two old ladies in Yorkshire. (1/11)
I saw them approaching from opposite directions, and I immediately knew that they would stop and talk to each other. It's a universal law. Like the way a bus driver passing another bus driver must smile out of the window, as if to say, 'Yes, I am also a bus driver.' (2/11)
The first old woman said, 'Oh! You're back. How was your holiday abroad?'
The other old woman replied, 'I don't have time to stop, I'll fill you in later.' And she began to move off. (3/11)
The other old woman replied, 'I don't have time to stop, I'll fill you in later.' And she began to move off. (3/11)
Then she stopped, turned around, and came back. And in a conspiratorial tone of voice, she said...
'We had to change our clocks.' (4/11)
'We had to change our clocks.' (4/11)
The other woman said, 'You what?'
'When we got off the plane... we had to CHANGE our CLOCKS.'
The other woman was stunned.
'Anyway, I'll tell you the rest later,' she said, and walked off. (5/11)
'When we got off the plane... we had to CHANGE our CLOCKS.'
The other woman was stunned.
'Anyway, I'll tell you the rest later,' she said, and walked off. (5/11)
This brief exchange has stayed with me for several years, because of one word:
Clocks.
Not the word 'clock', denoting a single clock. The word 'clocks', which conventionally indicates the presence of multiple clocks. (6/11)
Clocks.
Not the word 'clock', denoting a single clock. The word 'clocks', which conventionally indicates the presence of multiple clocks. (6/11)
It's a source of great sadness to me that the elderly woman who has not heard about time zones is also the same elderly woman who (for reasons unknown) can only travel with her suitcase bulging with an assortment of clocks. (7/11)
Was she simply a proud Yorkshire woman, who naturally regards Yorkshire Time as superior to Foreign Time (what with the siestas and whatnot)? A bit like bottled water, it's safer to bring your own clocks from home? (8/11)
I see her discarding her husband Sidney's underpants to make room for a carriage clock. Cramming a pocket watch into every sock. Planning to smuggle a grandfather clock through as hand luggage. (9/11)
Sidney stares at the blank wall-spaces where their clocks used to hang. 'We're going to miss our flight, love!' he cries.
'Don't be daft,' she replies, zipping up another holdall full of clocks. (10/11)
'Don't be daft,' she replies, zipping up another holdall full of clocks. (10/11)
'We've got all the time in the world.' (11/11)
