I still haven't live tweeted this Taylor Swift album and it's been out for hours. WELL IT IS TIME TO RECTIFY THAT SITUATION. Here we goooo! A thread! A thread to build a dream on! Once again I will win a Pulitzer Prize in my own mind for analyzing these words.

Track 1. Will this be about a forest? Feels like this album is all about forests. Her parents had a Christmas tree farm in PA, I think! I like trees, you think the Lorax fucks with Taylor? I do.

Track 1 says Taylor is on some new shit! Also her cats are great and I would like to go to tea with her and Mariska. I'd like to go to tea with anyone, truly, but Miss Rona lurks for us all.

"Roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool." Did you know that in France the Roaring Twenties were called The Crazy Years? Années folles! That's when Josephine Baker was the toast of Paris. Once she met Hemingway at a bar called Le Jockey and she was naked under a fur coat.

The bar was in Montparnasse and Hemingway was all stressed because he was into his 1st wife and also his future 2nd wife. He was a shitty dad & husband! But he was hot. They didn't fuck, he went to her house and talked about himself for HOURS (typical) and she gave good advice.

Track 1 was good. It was called "the 1." I like Taylor Swift's songwriting. Okay second track. "cardigan." Apparently she's on some e.e. cummings shit. Good for you, Tay! This is about lost love. It is dreamy and pretty. I enjoy cardigans. Also The Cardigans.

"I knew everything when I was young." A great line! Her future memoir is gonna be real good. She's very good at the zingers, the one-liners, and the such.

3: "the last great american dynasty"
the wedding was charming if a little gauche
there's only so far new money goes
they picked out a home and called it holiday house
This is a story about the original owner of her house in Rhode Island! THIS SONG IS A HISTORY PODCAST I LOVE IT.

ten out of ten Taylor has done a seance to talk to the spirit of Rebecca, the famous lady who originally owned her RI house, and if she HASN'T I want to come over and do one.

I think somebody died in my place before I rented it. I think in CA they legally have to tell you if somebody died in the place, or maybe my broker was just Goth. I forgot to tell my friend this, and she stayed for a week and told me it had chill ghosts, no bad vibes.

Truly I forgot all about it until I listened to track 3 on Taylor's album! The lady told me "It wasn't a violent death." Los Angeles is such a trip, man. So I guess maybe my cat is looking at a ghost in between staring at bugs. Nice ghost though, good roommate.

You can tell I was raised by spooky Catholics in a country town rife with Revolutionary War-era ghosts, where we talk about that like it's very commonplace, because I totally forgot about that shit until now!

Track 4 is great! It is about two people having different opinions of why a relationship didn't work! The lyric video is just a drone shot of somebody walking alone in the forest. This album is very ARBOREAL. Features Bon Iver, which I will always pronounce as "BONER THERE."

Track 5 is called "my tears ricochet" which is maybe a reference to tears as bullets? Other things can ricochet though. Normalize Nonfatal Ricochet Objects. Are her tears jelly beans of sadness? This gal has always seemed like a lot of fun tbh. A real goofball.

"You had to kill me but it killed you just the same." Maybe this is about that DJ man. IDK, it is about shit talking and stuff. I feel like I'm floating! I did just eat avocado toast with peas for the first time, maybe that's it.

Taylor Swift is a popcorn jelly bean of a songwriter. One of the highest compliments I've ever given!

Track 6 "mirrorball" - very pretty! Much circus imagery! She keeps singing "I'm on my tallest tiptoes for you" and I keep hearing it as "I'm on my toilet dip toes for you". Also I think she's 5'11" so that's hella tall on them tiptoes.

Track 7 is if Iron & Wine fucked Conor Oberst and they had a daughter named Joni Pennsyltucky Mitchell. It is called "seven."

"I've been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted." Every house in Pennsylvania IS haunted, at least in Bucks County, including the early '90s condos outside New Hope. This is true facts.

"Sweet tea in the summer." Interesting. We associate sweet tea with the South, but sometimes in the Northeast we do make sun tea, which is just tea you make in the sun for some reason. You can put a fuckton of sugar in it if you want. I'll allow it.

Track 8 is called "august." The obvious answer, and I'm sure you kids have memed it already, is to crack a joke about entanglements. I'm too late to the game, and I acknowledge it, so I must simply regard it as a month situation.

Guys every house in PA is haunted. Every residence, in fact. Every abandoned lot. Everything zoned for mixed-use. This is the truth.

Why have I not yet been hired to write music reviews and new album reactions. Is it my lack of musical training? Is it the freeform and sometimes hallucinatory nature of my live tweeting style? Is it because I've never asked any editors? I continue to wonder.

"August" was a good track. I'm excited for track 9!

Track 9 is called "this is me trying." I love this title. also this track feels like it was produced by jack antonoff channeling e street band ballads. is this accurate? I haven't looked at the liner notes etc. yet. I continue to be the greatest album reviewer of our modern era.

this talky talk is very Taylor but also v Bleachers. I really should've looked at the liner notes but then you wouldn't get all this Pulitzer level authenticity. God, I'm amazing. Good job Taylor and Sara!

track 9 was v good and i got sad when it was over so i am playing it again. also, look at my fucking cat and her sister.

track 10 "illicit affairs" is this about tights on a boat

"a drug that only worked the first few hundred times"
it's true, cheating works until it doesn't! much like any drug, and also ice cream. eventually everybody gets diarrhea.

did tay do a cheat? who can say? who cares? the point is she's an empathetic songwriter who can make up situations and also write about real ones and it feels real, good work!

"invisible string" this reminds me of how my cat ATE the fishing line on her cat fishing toy and probably shit it out (i hope) and i didn't see it because invisible string, man.

this is track 11 and it is good and not shitty at all, that is not my implication. the whole album is good!

Sending presents to your ex for their babies is very nice if you are on good terms with them and their baby mama/daddy and if you have money to do so. I recommend it! Shopping is fun and if the boundaries are right you are a job creator. Track 11 is about Etsy.

track 12 is called "mad woman" and i think it's about how men will treat women like shit and then call us crazy when we get upset about them treating us like shit. and "doing your dirtiest work for you" is what shitty women will do to other women. all great points!

we all live in the sick glow of patriarchy and want to get closer and closer to the power source aka shitty masculinity! this is not a line from the song but it's a great point by me, an award-winning music critic in my own mind.

Track 13 is called "epiphany." I will remind you this is her favorite number. Also I had a friend named Epifania in middle school. Have you ever met a Catholic?

If Taylor and Cardi ever drop a collab IDK what will happen. I don't know why I just thought of that. What a weird and great idea I have had.

Okay so track 14 is cute and called "betty" and it is about a boy named james in high school who cheats on a girl and some girl named inez tells betty and betty changes her homeroom. james is like "yeah i banged this chick but i thought about you." i mean james. c'mon bro.

taylor has written in the voice of james! empathy! she's got empathy!

okay so james goes to betty's party and IDK what happens. but i think tay just rhymed cardigan with car again and i'm here for that.

track 15 is called "peace." i once saw Ozzy and Yusuf/Cat Stevens duet on a mashup of "Peace Train" and "Crazy Train." This was at the Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear in 2010 in DC.

it was a good song! okay track 16 is called "hoax" WOW JUST LIKE THE CORONAVIRUS EVERYTHING IS FINE THE PRESIDENT IS NOT FULLY INSANE AND YOUR TRUMP VOTING FAMILY ARE JUST REAL GOOD PEOPLE AT HEART DEFINITELY. hahaha jk they're trash, disown them, not sure what the song is about.

There's a whole book about your Trump voting friends and family and it's called "Hitler's Willing Executioners," anyway, this Taylor Swift album continues to be real good. She didn't vote for Trump!

Track 16 is sad and stressful and good. Taylor Swift is very good at songwriting! This has been established several times! It is still true!

"Lover" is so much more upbeat as an album, literally and metaphorically. Both albums are very good! Good job Taylor!

You can send my @PulitzerPrizes for this Taylor Swift album review thread to me c/o Artists First and/or RBEL in Los Angeles, just FYI @pulitzercenter also @pitchfork can you believe you haven't hired me yet?!