#TheWeekInTory is a misnomer: this just covers the last 5 days

1. Matt Hancock told Parliament lockdown started on 16th March, the day SAGE told them to, so all those unnecessary deaths didn’t happen

2. But lockdown started on 24th March, and all those unnecessary deaths did
3. The govt announced a “New Deal” for infrastructure, with £600bn of new money

4. Turns out, only 0.8% of that is new money

5. The £34bn “new money” for the NHS was actually announced in 2018

6. The govt then announced £3bn of additional funding for a possible second wave
7. That’s less than half the £8bn NHS England said it needed just to stand still, which hasn’t happened

8. Matt Hancock said wearing a mask is mandatory

9. Downing St said wearing a mask ISN'T mandatory

10. So Gavin Williamson cleared it all up by saying they're both right 👍🏼
11. England’s Chief Nurse confirmed she was dropped from briefings cos she refused to back Dominic Cummings

12. A poll found public trust in UK gov ability to manage the pandemic is lowest worldwide, and I nearly fainted

13. The govt cut the budget to end FGM by 84%
14. A Tory MP texted his intern to ask for “no strings” fun “pweeease”.

15. She replied that she was having a “bad mental health day”

16. He said maybe if she thought of “fun times” with him, she’d feel better. Nice.
17. Brexit: and now we’re back in control, it was confirmed the govt cancelled the Huawei 5G project because Donald Trump told them to

18. The Institute for Govt found 61% of businesses have made no preparations at all and that “Britain is fatally ill-prepared” for Brexit
19. The business secretary said “Seamless trade is vital for our economy, boosting business, supporting jobs, and ensuring consumers get the best deal”

20. He was talking about England and Scotland. He still thinks abandoning seamless trade with the EU is a great idea
21. The govt used its majority to vote against protecting the NHS from being sold

22. The govt used its majority to vote against protection of agriculture and food standards

23. The govt used its majority to vote against parliament having oversight of any trade deals
24. And now corruption news, and we’ll start small: Robert Jenrick, who you might remember from previous episodes, was in charge of £25m regeneration scheme

25. 60 of the 61 constituencies helped were Tory seats with small majorities, or Tory targets at the general election
26. Only 2 towns had Tory majorities over 10,000. One was Jenrick’s own seat

27. It was reported the Irish tracing app cost £773,000 and works

28. The contract for managing our “world beating” app was given to the wife of a Tory MP, cost £13m in 4 months, it didn’t work
29. Even if you paid £50,000 to each programmer for 4 months work, £13m buys 260 programmers

30. The successful app used by Germany – which is open source – lists 17 programmers

31. Did we hire 260 programmers? If so, why? If not, where is the rest of the money?
32. Also, the govt admitted its “world beating app” broke the law

33. A leaked govt report found our “world beating” trace system is failing

34. Serco traced 59,000 contacts in 6 weeks, which is less than 1 contact per tracer per fortnight. They got £10bn for that
35. But the govt claimed it was a success because it managed to find an outbreak in its own call centre

36. Russia report news: The govt attempted to suborn parliament by fixing the appointment of Chris Grayling to chair the Intelligence Sub-Committee (ISC)
37. It failed, so suspended the MP who did get the job

38. The ISC said the reasons given by the govt for delaying the report were “simply not true”

39. As the ISC released the report, the govt announced a pay rise for 900,000 workers. Were you distracted? Me neither
40. The report confirmed Russian interference in the Scottish Independence referendum

41. The report “reveals that no one in government knew if Russia interfered in or sought to influence the [Brexit] referendum, because they did not want to know”
42. The ISC demanded an inquiry into Russian interference in Brexit

43. The govt immediately said no

44. I’m sure this is a coincidence, but this week it was reported the largest political donor in British history is a Russian Socialite who has paid £1.7m to the Tory party
45. She paid £160,000 for game of tennis with Boris Johnson

46. She paid £30,000 for dinner with Gavin Williamson. I know, it’s baffling

47. The company she runs has assets of £23,000 and liabilities of £8.4m, so it’s a mystery where all that donated money is coming from.
48. And finally: it was reported that the UK doesn't even have enough palettes to transport goods after we leave the EU, cos we've been relying on theirs until now, and have neither the wood nor the treatment facilities required to build enough of our own.
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