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Narcissists are incredibly charismatic and know how to cover their tracks. That means they often make it into leadership. This is a great article about why they should be stopped.
https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/how-narcissistic-leaders-destroy-within
https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/insights/how-narcissistic-leaders-destroy-within
I was talking to a friend this week about a core concept I use to judge whether people are worthy of my time: How you do anything is how you do everything. Integrity is in small things as well as large ones.
Narcissists fail the test easily. HR departments should pay attention.
Narcissists fail the test easily. HR departments should pay attention.
I have pretty good judgment about people - not flawless but honestly, highly reliable - and that's because a big part of how I judge people is not just how they treat me. They may be nice to get something. I look to see how they treat *everyone else* and find the patterns there.
The biggest takeaway, which also easily excludes narcissists, is this: How do they treat and speak about people who have status, money, titles and people who don't? If they speak admiringly about someone's material gains - money, titles - I put a little asterisk by them.
And here's why: The core concept is that all humans have value *regardless of the value the external world has placed on them*. If people think "I want to be around people who have X money or X position," they're not seeing human qualities. They're seeing gains that come and go.
All my reporting has been about powerful people, which is also an incredible view into how narcissists function. The main thing I wish more organizations knew is that there is no way to manage narcissists. They are beyond that. You have to prioritize *everyone else*.
It's also important to clarify: Narcissism is not just "making it all about themselves." Self-involvement can actually be a trauma response by people who have felt erased from the world. They still care. They still have emotions. Narcissists don't care. They genuinely don't.
No organizations, as far as I know, screen for narcissists. Many encourage them! (Entertainment is a great example, as is medicine). So it's important to keep your radar attuned to recognizing these behaviors to protect your own energy.
And again: Narcissism is serious. It's not memes and behavior you don't like. It's not "I'm uncomfortable when we are not about me." It's not insufferable self-regard. It's not bragging, it's not playful grandiosity, it's not even conventional grandiosity. It's bigger than that.
This is a key observation on why Silicon Valley looks the way it does.
The thing is: Narcissists can benefit from therapy, because a lot of their toxicity comes from repressed emotions. But they are also the least likely to accept or seek therapy. Here's how narcissists are formed: https://www.businessinsider.com/how-shame-can-create-a-narcissist-2018-3
More background on how narcissists are created. This video has good perspective on how narcissism tracks with attachment styles -- narcissists tend to believe reinforcement comes from other ppl and they are nothing without that external value and status.
