Read on Twitter
#TheWeekInTory
1. The govt relaxed the rules on eating in restaurants, as long as the restaurants followed the guidelines
2. To promote this, the Chancellor posed for a photo-op serving customers in Wagamama, whilst breaking the guidelines
1. The govt relaxed the rules on eating in restaurants, as long as the restaurants followed the guidelines
2. To promote this, the Chancellor posed for a photo-op serving customers in Wagamama, whilst breaking the guidelines
3. Having told us, since 3 Feb, that masks were: useful, not useful, recommended, not recommended, essential for health workers, not essential for teachers, useful in “small spaces” but not on buses, and then on buses but not in shops, the govt had its most spasmodic week to date
4. (Coincidentally, it was revealed the govt awarded, without tender, a £3m “coronavirus communications operation” contract to 2 right-wing campaigners, which seems quite a lot for the, ahem, operation described above)
5. This week the gov said masks worked in SE Asia because there is a “culture of wearing them", but “we in Britain don’t need to wear them”
6. A virus is an inert, non-living, sub-microscopic entity, so it's a stretch to expect it to adhere to our cultural norms
6. A virus is an inert, non-living, sub-microscopic entity, so it's a stretch to expect it to adhere to our cultural norms
7. Michael Gove said masks wouldn't be mandatory in shops, and Britain could rely on “common sense” and “basic good manners”
8. The next day Michael Gove was photographed displaying "common sense" and "basic good manners" by not wearing a mask in 2 separate shops
8. The next day Michael Gove was photographed displaying "common sense" and "basic good manners" by not wearing a mask in 2 separate shops
9. Inevitably, Boris Johnson said masks would be mandatory in shops, a mere 163 days since his govt was first recommended to make them mandatory in shops
10. But they weren't mandatory for 12 more days
11. 77 people died yesterday. At that rate, another 12 days is 924 deaths
10. But they weren't mandatory for 12 more days
11. 77 people died yesterday. At that rate, another 12 days is 924 deaths
12. And Matt Hancock ruled out masks in offices, which are some of the the enclosed spaces we've needed to wear masks in since 11 May
13. The govt promised local Covid tests would be completed with 24hrs by 1st of July
14. A report found just 5% were completed within 24hrs
13. The govt promised local Covid tests would be completed with 24hrs by 1st of July
14. A report found just 5% were completed within 24hrs
15. And then the PM dodged a question on whether he’d even read last week’s report on preparations needed for a second wave of coronavirus that could kill 120,000 people.
16. But he gained a nice tan over the weekend, so he’s clearly focussing on the important stuff
16. But he gained a nice tan over the weekend, so he’s clearly focussing on the important stuff
17. And the Health Minister, also on his A-game, didn’t know about the 2017 report on our poor pandemic preparedness (spoiler!) til he saw it the Guardian in May 2020
18. Meanwhile the UK opted out of the €2bn programme to have advanced purchase of a vaccine, cos it's European
18. Meanwhile the UK opted out of the €2bn programme to have advanced purchase of a vaccine, cos it's European
19. Which brings us to Brexit, and the govt bought a huge plot in Ashford, Kent, to act as a customs clearance centre
20. This customs clearance centre is to handle all the friction caused by the “frictionless trade” Boris Johnson could “absolutely assure you of" in 2016
20. This customs clearance centre is to handle all the friction caused by the “frictionless trade” Boris Johnson could “absolutely assure you of" in 2016
21. David Davis, who negotiated the Withdrawal Agreement and then voted for the WA was surprised at the contents of the WA and wants it renegotiated
22. Not to be confused with Dominic Raab, his successor in the role, who actually resigned in protest at his own actions
22. Not to be confused with Dominic Raab, his successor in the role, who actually resigned in protest at his own actions
23. Anyway, I digress: Ashford is 23 miles of public roads away from the nearest port, which is good news for Britain’s burgeoning smuggling industry
24. The centre can handle 10,000 lorries per day. Sounds lovely.
24. The centre can handle 10,000 lorries per day. Sounds lovely.
25. But The CEO of the Road Haulage Assoc said an extra 220m customs declaration will be needed each year, which is 600,000 day, or 6x the capacity we'll have
26. He said each declaration is “as complicated as a tax return” and impossible for most businesses to manage
26. He said each declaration is “as complicated as a tax return” and impossible for most businesses to manage
27. So we announced we are training 50,000 customs brokers to help with this
28. It takes 18 months to train a customs broker. We have 5 months. So that'll go well.
29. The cost of this is estimated at £15bn a year. Not once. Forever
28. It takes 18 months to train a customs broker. We have 5 months. So that'll go well.
29. The cost of this is estimated at £15bn a year. Not once. Forever
30. This entirely avoidable £15bn cost was announced in the same week a report showed the number of British children admitted to hospital with malnutrition doubled in the last 6 months. So it’s possible we could spend that £15bn a bit better
31. The govt stopped describing No Deal Brexit as “No Deal Brexit”, and rebranded it “leaving on Australian terms”
32. Ireland, which is still in the EU and still broadly sane, reminded the UK that the EU doesn’t actually have a deal with Australia, so... yeah.
32. Ireland, which is still in the EU and still broadly sane, reminded the UK that the EU doesn’t actually have a deal with Australia, so... yeah.
33. And the OBR said the cost of No Deal would be 9% of GDP. Permanently.
34. Liz Truss said it was OK, we could sell lamb to New Zealand
35. The Farmer’s Union said NZ lamb is half the price of UK lamb, so NZ wouldn’t buy it, and 95% of UK sheep farms would fail
34. Liz Truss said it was OK, we could sell lamb to New Zealand
35. The Farmer’s Union said NZ lamb is half the price of UK lamb, so NZ wouldn’t buy it, and 95% of UK sheep farms would fail
36. Other fun food news: with No Deal, beef will cost 48% more, cheddar 57% more, oranges 12% more, and rice 16% more
37. So the gov handed out £10 vouchers to get people to eat in restaurants (at the same time as ending the free school meals programme for 1.6 million children
37. So the gov handed out £10 vouchers to get people to eat in restaurants (at the same time as ending the free school meals programme for 1.6 million children
38. Restaurants warned their prices would rise 30% under No Deal, so spend those vouchers quick, folks. Ideally on a starving child.
39. And then the Govt spent a further £93m to tell you to prepare for a Brexit they assured us would be cost-free and painless
39. And then the Govt spent a further £93m to tell you to prepare for a Brexit they assured us would be cost-free and painless
40. More from the party of fiscal responsibility: the cost of rolling out Universal Credit rose another £1.4bn
41. And the IFS said the much-vaunted jobs retention scheme was “badly timed and poorly targeted”, with most of the £9.4bn being spent on jobs that are already safe
41. And the IFS said the much-vaunted jobs retention scheme was “badly timed and poorly targeted”, with most of the £9.4bn being spent on jobs that are already safe
42. But some money is going where it was wanted: without being put out to contract, a £840,000 contract to 2 friends of Michael Gove and Dominic Cummings
43. And £25m for “biological and chemical protection garments” to a company with no employees, no assets, and no turnover
43. And £25m for “biological and chemical protection garments” to a company with no employees, no assets, and no turnover
44. But it’s fine, cos there probably won’t be any care workers to protect, since Priti Patel excluded them from her new immigration system
45. She also blamed the Covid outbreak in Leicester on “cultural sensitivities” preventing local govt from checking min wage enforcement
45. She also blamed the Covid outbreak in Leicester on “cultural sensitivities” preventing local govt from checking min wage enforcement
46. Min wage enforcement is the job of central govt, which you’d hope somebody in govt would know
47. But she also didn’t know the correct assessment for people entering the country with Covid19, which you’d think was kinda her thing, after a 10 years of obsession with borders
47. But she also didn’t know the correct assessment for people entering the country with Covid19, which you’d think was kinda her thing, after a 10 years of obsession with borders
48. Mind you: details can be tricky. The PM told Parliament our Test and Trace programme is “as good as or better than” any other system in the world
49. 2 hours later, Downing Street had to admit what we all know: it really isn’t. Not even close.
49. 2 hours later, Downing Street had to admit what we all know: it really isn’t. Not even close.
50. But finally, some good news: Chris Grayling officially failed his intelligence test. Always leave them laughing Chris, but most of all: always leave.
51. It's only Wednesday. How much more #TheWeekInTory is ahead of us?
51. It's only Wednesday. How much more #TheWeekInTory is ahead of us?
