Riker is like "I know a place" and it's just Risa again

Worf is like "I know a place" and it's Minsk.

Minsk.

Data is like "I know a place" and he just rattles off the names of places until someone else tells him to stop.

Dr. Crusher is like "I know a place" and then she doesn't come back for a whole season.

Geordi is like "I know a place" but on the way there you get captured and brainwashed by Romulans.

ALTERNATE: Geordi is like "I know a place" but he really overdoes it with the holographic violin players.

Guinan is like "I know a place" but then she trails off and gets wistful before you can learn anything more tangible about her backstory.

Dr. Pulaski is like "I know a place" and it turns out to be a setup to a hurtful joke at Data's expense.

Wesley is like "I know a place" and that turns out to be the key to saving the Enterprise in the last ten minutes.

Picard is like "I know a place" and then he just ends up trying to punch his brother in the face and lies there crying in the mud among the grapes.

Barclay is like "I know a place" and all of a sudden you need to post a BUNCH of new rules about appropriate use of the holodeck.

Troi is like "I know a place" and it's always the exact opposite of wherever her mother is.

But her mother is like "I know a place" and it's exactly where Troi tried to hide.

Minsk.

Ro Laren is like "I know a place" and it's not like the cushy place you grew up, Jean-Luc, oh no, there are no daily Mozart concerts and Shakespeare-in-the-green performances on the holodeck here, here is about medicine and food and blankets and you don't know what it's like to h

The Romulans are like "we know a place and we aren't telling"

The Borg are like "we know a place and resistance is futile"

The Klingons are like "we know a place and today is a good day to die"

The Pakled do not know a place

The Vulcans are like "it is illogical to ever claim to truly know a place."

The Ferengi are like "we know a place" and they try to sell it to you without mentioning the terrifying downsides.

O'Brien is like "I know a place" and then he beams you to the place.

Garak is like "Me? Know a place? Oh, my dear Doctor, you flatter me, but I am but a plain, simple tailor, knowing places is far beyond my capacities, I'm afraid... HOWEVER, I do believe I met a man while hemming a pair of trousers the other day who can give you the coordinates."

Odo is like "I know a place" and suddenly he's taking you to a planet-wide goo orgy.

Bashir is like "I know a place" but he keeps bringing O'Brien with him and you just feel like a third wheel while they talk about doomed battles throughout history.

Sisko is like "I know a place" and then he launches torpedoes that devastate the atmosphere so that humans can't live there any more.

Dax is like "I know a place" and then she has to explain that it's not her that knows the place, not really, it's her third host who knew the place so it's been a while, did you know she's a joined Trill and is therefore over three hundred years old? Yeah, it's a whole thing, yo-

Gul Dukat is like "I know a place" and it's your place but he keeps showing up uninvited and making himself at home.

Kai Winn is like "I know a place" and is suuuuuper condescending about it.

Kira is like "I know a place" and plants tricobalt explosives around the perimeter so that the second the Cardassians try to initiate a scan the entire base will be a molten slag heap because *they deserve it.*

Jake Sisko is like "I know a place" and we'll probably be rescuing him from it later in the episode.

Quark is like "I know a place" and spends the whole time kicking the furniture to see if they say "ow"

The Prophets are like "I know a place" but it's just the moment your wife died, because you exist here.

AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR:

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Nog is like "I know a place" but it seems like you're never going to get there because he keeps wheeling and dealing to trade various items for various other items, and also he keeps asking you to chew his food for him.

Ezri Dax is like "I know a place" but then she gets really unsure whether she actually does and spends ten minutes berating herself, sure that *Jadzia* would know the place just fine.

Damar is like "I know a place" but it seems like he's going to a really bad place, until suddenly he shifts gears and seems to have done a lot of soul-searching, taking you to a much better place than you expected, and you're so happy you forget he murdered Ziyal.

Keiko O'Brien is like "I know a place" and that place must be somewhere nice because she keeps disappearing for long stretches.

Captain Janeway is like "I know a place" but it's just a coffee place, it's always a coffee place, it's not even like interesting cappuccinos or something like that, it's just black coffee.

Chakotay is like "I know a place" and he keeps insisting it's a sacred place to his people, but it honestly feels poorly-researched.

Tom Paris is like "I know a place" and it's a surprisingly-dorky place, considering he's a convicted felon you first met in a penal colony, like seriously, this 1950s pastiche is where the bad boy of the USS Voyager likes to hang out?

Harry Kim is like "I know a place" and then he dies in that place, but that's okay because he'll either be alive again at the end of things or you'll have a duplicate so similar that it's basically the same thing, poor dumb Harry.

Kes is like "I know a place" but Neelix is there so let's not.

Neelix is like "I know a place, I know all about this place" but when you get there he seems a little lost and confused and six crewmen die before he admits he was exaggerating his knowledge of the place.

Torres is like "I know a place" but it turns out it's more of a metaphor, the place is the spot deep inside where she's still an angry little girl torn between two peoples and the parents who never quite loved her the way she needed.

Lt Carey is like "I know a place" and you're like "Lt Carey? You're still here?" And he's all "Yep, I am and-" whoops he's dead, he's dead now for real.

Naomi Wildman is like "I know a place" and you know she just wants to play board games again but honestly she's pretty good as far as child actors go so you're willing to humor her a bit to see what's up here.

Vorik is like "I know a place" and you're like "Vorik you only get two lines this week and that's not it."

Seven of Nine is like "I know a place" and Janeway is like "That's not the place we're going" and then there's like a twenty minute scene about the nature of Seven's newfound humanity and in the end it turns out Seven's place was the right one anyway.

The Doctor is like "I know a place" but he doesn't want to *go* to that place, he wants to show you 700 slides of his last vacation.

Seska is like "I know a place" but the directions are really convoluted and full of double-crosses and elaborate betrayals and by the time we get to the place we've kinda lost interest in her whole vibe.

Tuvok is like "I know a place" and then he takes you back to his quarters to light candles and touch your face and he keeps insisting this isn't a sexual thing but you'd swear you saw a training video about how this isn't okay.

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Captain Lorca is like "I know a place" and it's the mirror universe

Saru is like "I know" and he was about to say "a place" but instead he says "fear, I know fear... have I ever told you my people were bred to sense the coming of death?"

Michael Burnham is like "I know a place" and it turns out there's a LOT of family drama going on in that place, but upon further reflection that kinda tracks with what you already knew about that family, like Jesus Sarek hug your kids once in a while.

Stamets is like "I know a place" and then he takes everybody on a mushroom trip

Ensign Tilly is like "I know a fucking awesome place" and everyone is kinda unsure as to whether or not she's allowed to say that, but she IS adorable so we'll let it slide.

Spock is like "I know a place" but nobody is listening because... beard.

Jett Reno is like "I know a place" and everything in that place is held together with duct tape but you trust it because she's just that good.

Captain Pike is like "I know a place" and when you get down there a bunch of throbby-headed aliens can make all your dreams come true, which probably explains why Pike seems to have had four different faces over the run of the franchise.

Doctor Culber is like "I know a place" and we'll follow him anywhere because he's wonderful and perfect.