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What we hope to explore in tonight's chat, is balancing our comfort zone with "avoidance" and finding self-compassion somewhere between the two.
Everyone can probably identify their comfort zone, and think of examples that take us outside of it.
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Everyone can probably identify their comfort zone, and think of examples that take us outside of it.
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For survivors of sexual trauma, the comfort zone is a hugely important place. It's where we feel safest, and having known what unsafe means, there is not much incentive to step out of it.
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#SexAbuseChat
Many survivors experience PTSD and one of the key indicators connected to PTSD is âavoidance." Avoidance can manifest in a range of ways, but all can result in us staying in our comfort zone as much as possible.
Understandably.
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Understandably.
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Some may avoid certain people, others may avoid places/homes.
Many may experience a more generalized sense of avoidance, and find it difficult to go out socially or attend special occasions like parties and weddings.
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Many may experience a more generalized sense of avoidance, and find it difficult to go out socially or attend special occasions like parties and weddings.
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Avoidance can also take the form of using substances to numb and disconnect from situations or people.
We have probably all heard the saying "move out of your comfort zone."
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We have probably all heard the saying "move out of your comfort zone."
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Is it other people's decision whether we do or not? Is it up to them to say what moving out of it looks like?
They like to think it is! Yet it's not.
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They like to think it is! Yet it's not.
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This is a very good article which clearly explains what we call the 'cluster' symptoms of PTSD, of which avoidance is one.
What Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? https://buff.ly/2X6YNxd via @Verywell
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What Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? https://buff.ly/2X6YNxd via @Verywell
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There has been a lot of debate over the âcomfort zoneâ for similar reasons that we are considering here â whether it is useful to step out of it now and then.
https://inpathybulletin.com/psychology-comfort-zones/
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https://inpathybulletin.com/psychology-comfort-zones/
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It could be, but the main takeaway is that, despite prodding from others, it is something only we can decide for ourselves.
By becoming a little more self-aware, and recognizing when and where we feel safe...
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By becoming a little more self-aware, and recognizing when and where we feel safe...
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thereby identifying what our comfort zone means for us, as well as acknowledging our areas of avoidance in our life, we can start to use self-attunement to make safer decisions and enable ourselves to do what we can cope with at the time that feels right for us
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#SexAbuseChat
Bowing to pressure to step beyond our comfort zone can not only be off-putting, but it can actually be damaging as doing it to please someone else relies on us switching off our own intuition
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which does not feel at all safe as it mirrors loss of control, which some may find triggering.
Perhaps the key is in baby steps.
We don't have to metaphorically stride 5 miles beyond the edge of our comfort zone, we could stick our toes out every now and then
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Perhaps the key is in baby steps.
We don't have to metaphorically stride 5 miles beyond the edge of our comfort zone, we could stick our toes out every now and then
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And perhaps take a few baby steps.
Would anyone like to share a recent example of this, where it might not be even visible to anyone else, but that you stepped momentarily outside your comfort zone, and how it felt?
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Would anyone like to share a recent example of this, where it might not be even visible to anyone else, but that you stepped momentarily outside your comfort zone, and how it felt?
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If we do choose to find a little extra courage now and then, these things may help as we take a few steps outside the comfort zone, while keeping our wellbeing at the forefront.
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#SexAbuseChat
1. Have an out. Either with yourself or with anyone else you might be with, that you can get out at any point. This may mean canceling plans last minute, or leaving a party early. There will be a next time. YOU matter.
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#SexAbuseChat
2. Have someone with you - even if it's just your first time grocery shopping since the pandemic, someone you can count on and who is a soothing influence and can read your body language.
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#SexAbuseChat
3. Consider spontaneity - this can be easier than planning too far ahead, and risking overthinking it.
4. If you do plan ahead, and then bail, don't blame yourself or use it as an excuse to be unkind to yourself.
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4. If you do plan ahead, and then bail, don't blame yourself or use it as an excuse to be unkind to yourself.
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You planned it, next time you might get a little closer to achieving the goal. It's not a race.
5. Celebrate your success! One person's sky-dive is another person's ride in an elevator. Do what you can and feel proud!
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5. Celebrate your success! One person's sky-dive is another person's ride in an elevator. Do what you can and feel proud!
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This is hard, PTSD is hard, avoidance is hard. Even if no one is around to clap you, treat yourself and rest afterward.
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#SexAbuseChat
