People who “don’t want to be a sheep” are fuckin’ crazy.

Your job is to eat all day and get haircuts. Your boss is a dog. People all over the world fall asleep thinking about you.

Now a cow, sure. They all get brutally murdered, no exception.

But I’ll sign up to be a sheep tomorrow. Big fluffy sheep, that’s me.

Related: I try not to engage, but almost everyone who tweets at me about being a third-eye open crusader for the next revolution invariably has 30 customer service tweets from 2013 about how Dunkin Donuts gave them the wrong size cup.