Me, discovering time travel: “Past me, I have come to answer questions about our FUTURE!”

Past Me: “Do I become a respected lawyer?”

Me: “You do!”

Past Me: “Aweso-“

Me: “To furries. Furries respect you as a lawyer.”

Past Me: “...Like from that CSI episo-“

Me: “LISTEN...”

Past Me: “So you’re saying we fall ass backwards into the whole furry thing?”

Me: “Yep.”

Past Me: “And we enjoy it?”

Me: “Sure do!”

Past Me: “And people don’t really fuck in the animal costumes?”

Me: “...”

Past Me: “...”

Me: “...Did I mention the Cubs win the series?”

Past Me: “So the whole fursuit thing...”

Me: “Don’t you want to ask about lotto numbers or something?

Past Me: “Dude, you just told me we become a lawyer, then somehow that leads to us doing comedy for cartoon characters. I’m sure we’re not destined to win the lotto.”

Past Me: “Does this thing make us well known?”

Me: “Well, we get a lot of twitter followers.”

Past Me: “...what’s Twitter?”

Me: “A microblogging site where the President spouts conspiracy theories about the pandemic and others treat them as fact.”

Past Me: “Cool...wait what?”

Past Me: “THERE’S A FUCKING PANDEMIC?”

Me: “Oh yeah. Massive. Lots of people die and get sick. It shuts down the country for a couple months. But you know what makes it worse?”

Past Me: “...is it that you can’t go see furries?”

Me: “WE CAN’T GO SEE FURRIES.”

Past Me: “You’re really calm about the ‘deadly pandemic’ thing.”

Me: “After a near-war with Iran, the impeachment, Murder Hornets, and Australia burning, I have a trouble getting worked up.”

Past Me: “...I’m gonna guess ‘Murder Hornets’ aren’t a furry thing?”

Me: “Not YET.”