Thread by @deathbybadger, so if each wizard spell in #dnd is the result of years [...]

Oliver Darkshire 🌈

deathbybadger

so if each wizard spell in #dnd is the result of years of careful groundbreaking arcane research this has...implications

WIZARD: ahem so my doctoral thesis is about summoning fire

WIZARD ESTABLISHMENT: yes yes acceptable

WIZARD: but in a -cone-

WIZARD ESTABLISHMENT: [uproar]

WIZARD: so about my funding application

WIZARD SAGE: yes I am afraid we had to reject it, we just don& #39;t see the merit in "a giant glowing hand of force which can crush things" and the budget was slashed last year in conjurations

WIZARD PROFESSOR: and I am afraid that the ethics committee HAS levelled a sanction against you for (looks at paper) "Finger of Death"

NECROMANCER: oh

WIZARD PROFESSOR: you will also need to revise the somatic component

WIZARD: I have spent my entire career developing this spell

WIZARD 2: you cannot be serious

WIZARD: OK WELL IF SUMMONING A PILE OF GREASE IS SO EASY I& #39;D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT. GO ON THEN.

there is a whole grisly world of wizard academia stuffed to the gills with immortal tenured liches and cloned professors who no longer remember their own names

but I& #39;d like to see anyone try to fire a creature which can call down a meteor swarm on the recently refurbished lecture hall at whim

there& #39;s a whole wrongful termination suit in there if you destroy the wrong phylactery

it also occurs to me that the results of 99% of researched spells would be consigned to oblivion behind a paywall and no-one ever reads them because NO-ONE CAN AFFORD 50 GOLD PIECES TO READ A PIECE ON SUMMONING FISH DEMONS DURING THE WINTER SOLSTICE

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