Thread by @deathbybadger, so if each wizard spell in #dnd is the result of years [...]

Oliver Darkshire 🌈

deathbybadger

so if each wizard spell in #dnd is the result of years of careful groundbreaking arcane research this has...implications

WIZARD: ahem so my doctoral thesis is about summoning fire

WIZARD ESTABLISHMENT: yes yes acceptable

WIZARD: but in a -cone-

WIZARD ESTABLISHMENT: [uproar]

WIZARD: so about my funding application

WIZARD SAGE: yes I am afraid we had to reject it, we just don't see the merit in "a giant glowing hand of force which can crush things" and the budget was slashed last year in conjurations

WIZARD PROFESSOR: and I am afraid that the ethics committee HAS levelled a sanction against you for (looks at paper) "Finger of Death"

NECROMANCER: oh

WIZARD PROFESSOR: you will also need to revise the somatic component

WIZARD: I have spent my entire career developing this spell

WIZARD 2: you cannot be serious

WIZARD: OK WELL IF SUMMONING A PILE OF GREASE IS SO EASY I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DO IT. GO ON THEN.

there is a whole grisly world of wizard academia stuffed to the gills with immortal tenured liches and cloned professors who no longer remember their own names

but I'd like to see anyone try to fire a creature which can call down a meteor swarm on the recently refurbished lecture hall at whim

there's a whole wrongful termination suit in there if you destroy the wrong phylactery

it also occurs to me that the results of 99% of researched spells would be consigned to oblivion behind a paywall and no-one ever reads them because NO-ONE CAN AFFORD 50 GOLD PIECES TO READ A PIECE ON SUMMONING FISH DEMONS DURING THE WINTER SOLSTICE

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