No offense to me but what the FUCK am I doing making my son organic butternut squash puree by hand? I was raised on literal s'mores-flavored Pop Tarts and Lucky Charms and I turned out FINE except digestively and maybe height-wise.

My generation is giving their kids non-GMO carob chips and no screen time when we were essentially brought up by Rocko's Modern Life and Apple Jacks, a cereal whose actual tagline was "IT DOESN'T TASTE LIKE APPLES!"

The extent of supervision I had was “Wait 20 minutes after eating your Fun Dip [POWDERED SUGAR WITH FOOD DYE AND CORN SYRUP] before backflipping into grandma’s pool unsupervised with your cousins.”

Meanwhile here I am like “Yes darling here is your BPA-free safety spoon developed by NASA to help you reach developmental milestones I obsessively track while you eat this nutrient-rich portion of farm-fresh produce. HIDE YOUR PHONE HE CAN SEE YOU TEXTING.”