okay i'm watching the new pope. it starts with a nun giving a pope in a coma a spnge bath and she wants to take a peek at the papal peepal. go on love have a look

i didn't know the new pope was a sequel or anything so i have STOPPED and now i'm watching the young pope. i just thought they had to rename the series when people pointed out that jude law is not young

okay this one opens with a white baby crawling over the bodies of brown babies. they're not wrong

then jude law crawls out from under a huge pile of babies, goes to brush his teeth, has a shower, and we see his bum. i think it's a stunt bum

the young pope is in a room full of people in dresses who all have a migraine. i think he's in hell

oh wow it's the city from assassin's creed

the young pope: we have to masturbate, and get abortions
the crowd: oh no. not at the same time

a nun: hello my darling pope what would you like for lunch my sweet boy
the young pope: *aaron sorkin speech about formal relationships*
a nun: cantarella it is

i've never understood confession. yes i have been rowdy of thought and body but how is that your business

i'm not going to say i'm sorry so like. what are we doing here

i guess i just fundamentally don't believe god has any right to judge me

when the young pope was merely the small non-pope boy he was dropped off at an orphanage. i think he's the son of a nun which is at least traditional

the young pope: i want to make my confession
a nice priest: okay
the pope: i don't believe in god
a priest: oh nooooooooooooooo

the australians have sent the young pope a kind of muscular dog man. presumably as a threat

i'm really showing my secular upbringing here but the little cap and the big frilly dresses make catholic religious figures look like large babies to me. i am sorry for this

the young pope who i will call pius now gives his address from the balcony thing and he's like FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD. NONE OF YOU DESERVE ME which is terrible but very funny

i thought the young pope was going to be a sexy irreverent king ralph type, if i'd known he was like this i would have been watching this show from the beginning. incredible

the young pope is like house of cards with, ironically, less sexual abuse

pope pius is now friends with a childless lady called esther and an 80s style ball busting business woman whose name i forget. he's not really friends with either, or anyone

esther wants to have a baby but her husband can't give her one. officially i think it's okay to cheat if it's with the pope. pretty sure alex 6 made that law

cardinal voiello is like can we please do something about the pedophilia and pius is like yes. also homosexuality. voiello is like what the fuck and pius turns to the camera and says i am not a good man, how are you not getting this yet

i mean it's hypocritical to allow people to be gay without actually changing the law that says they're going to hell

esther is getting bonered by her husband up against a window and the pope can see. oh no! not the pope!

i find the visions and dream sequences poorly directed and annoying

sister mary is the pope's mother and she sleeps in a shirt that says
I'M A VIRGIN
BUT THIS IS AN OLD SHIRT
and it's a great running gag

now pius and his brother from the orphanage cardinal ginger are running around town incognito. they're wearing tracksuits but i thought they were onesies at first and i was like, hilarious

pius: homosexuals have no place in the church
a man: holy pope sir your tiara arrived
pius: excellent. now to put on some ornately embroidered silk robes, red leather shoes, and get carried in to the cardinals on a palanquin

i think the church is just mad that pride stole their whole deal and made it a lot better

is david mitchell getting royalties from the young pope?

the pope yelled at the virgin mary until she put a baby in esther and then esther had the baby and the pope went to see the baby and then THE POPE DROPPED THE BABY

pius is acting like it's his baby, which is a very papal thing to do. meanwhile the cardinals are going to bring him down by giving the press photos of him touching esther's boob which is so mild for a pope it's almost laughable

mother, why am i so bad at soccer
pope dropped you

meanwhile the pope's orphanage brother cardinal ginger is going to a party at a botox mannequin's house. everyone here is so hard to look at

HUGE content warning for episode 7. cardinal ginger gets assaulted while blackout drunk by the son of the botox mannequin

sister mary, the pope's orphanage mother, has faked a reunion with his biological parents to distract him while grand vizier cardinal voiello gets the church back on track. oh sister mary this isn't gonna work. the pope is crazy

yeah it didn't work. meanwhile esther and her husband peter are watching the x factor. with the pope. the pope is holding their baby and peter is like this is fine, i like this

cardinal ginger went back to his mission in honduras and was immediately killed by a drug lord whose wife he used to bone. goodbye england's rose

someone assassinated the pope's kangaroo

the pope is hallucinating sixteen other popes and one santa claus

the pope doesn't let anyone see him or take pictures of him. crowds of people are outside a restaurant trying to look at the back of the pope's head as he eats a hamburger

he's finally giving an address where you can see him and the crowd isn't listening because he's so sexy

damn. the pope just "smile sweetie"'d every catholic person int he world. also his hippie parents he's been searching for all his life were in the crowd and they turned and walked away because how embarrassing. you think he's an indigo child but he grows up to be pope

now the pope is dying of a problem on live tv. he has the ultimate power of catholic guilt

then it just pans out to space and says
THE YOUNG POPE
THE END
lmao hilarious