Billy Joel: it’s nine o’clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in

Me: sounds like a lovely place

Billy Joel: there’s an old man sitting next to me, making love to his tonic and gin

Me: i have changed my mind

Billy Joel: but the piano sounds like a carnival

Me: is that supposed to help

Billy Joel: and..and the microphone smells like a beer

Me: ok what the fuck

Billy Joel: come on i’ll introduce u to my friend paul

Me: is he cool?

Billy Joel: he’s a real estate novelist

Me: so no.