the Pope is cancelled and i am now the Pope. my name will be Pope Innocent and i will begin my duties tomorrow or whenever

i can't find any pope shoes but I do have a pair of red high heeled cowboy boots

oh i "can't be pope" because i publicly "call god my enemy"?? I'm just the first pope to say so in words instead of deeds

new doctrine:
1. sex is fine as long as you say yes please and thank you
2. vampires are real
3. my big dumb gold house is getting turned into rent-free apartments for the poor and dispossessed
4. letting your dog lick your face is not a sin but I will excommunicate you

goodnight my children, I bless you or whatever and do the spells to keep demons off. what even is my job