Today was kind of intense and draining. I started practicing what the therapist told me; which is every time I have a thought that triggers strong feelings, I need to start writing the thoughts and feelings down in this chart. So for example, I was thinking about (cont) https://twitter.com/belgianboolean/status/1246197832119435269

how nervous I am about going back to work next week and being productive after how extremely difficult the last two weeks have been. So I would put that in the first column. In the second, I’d put me feelings that this thought triggered: anxiety, fear, and self loathing. After,

I write the unhelpful thoughts: I’m terrified I won’t be productive enough. That I won’t be able to impress anyone. That I’ll be failure if I don’t make a lot of art.

In the next column, facts that support: I have been through a lot in the last several weeks. So I’m not at my

best and am struggling to focus.

Facts that go against;

I’m not a failure. My boss said to take it a day at a time and there’s no big rush. The expectations are low and people have voiced to me that I should take care of myself.

More balanced perspective

I probably won’t be

100% productive, but that’s to be expected. My peers don’t expect me to be completely on the ball either. I’m just creating stress and putting extreme pressure on myself. Not being super productive doesn’t make me a failure. It’s just the natural ebb and flow.

So that’s the

process. It’s all about breaking down these thoughts and the emotions they cause, and comparing them with information available to come to a healthier conclusion. I’d be lying if I said it was easy! I’ve had a lot of difficult thoughts today and breaking them all down has been

very exhausting and taxing. My hope is that it’s a muscle that I’m working out. That the process will become habitual over time. What I can say is that it has helped. My emotions at the beginning of the thought were really intense. But after observing them and breaking it down, I

felt better and calmer. In some cases those feelings were still there but they weren’t as strong. They didn’t have as much control over me, so it was more manageable.

My psychologist also provided me with this. Cognitive defusion techniques for managing thoughts and putting some distance between you and them. I haven’t tried them yet, except for the “name the story”. I have a lot of thoughts and feeling around self loathing so I started

organizing those thoughts into a “self loathing story”. It’s a way for me to go “oh this thought isn’t helpful, it goes with the rest in this book”. It’s just a way of visualization. Right now I’m using this sheet and the one at the beginning of this thread to find out which

method of dealing with my thoughts works best for me. Anyway, I hope this is helpful or interesting for ya’ll.