Since my dad isn't able to play poker with his buddies, he wrote them an email where he wrote a "recap" of what would've happened. It's basically him roasting them and accusing them all of cheating. When you intimidate the elders into staying home, they get creative. What a joy.

I will now tweet excerpts without permission. Ahem.

"Later in the evening, Kevin introduced a new game which no one understood and he won $35."

"We took his word that his 3, 5, 10, Jack and Queen spread out over 4 suits was the best hand possible in the game."

"Kevin bought season tickets, convinced this is the year the Jets are going back to the Super Bowl. Kevin finished up $12."

Woooow Dad went hard on Kevin. What's the story there? Is Kevin my real dad? Moving on.

"Dan came to the game looking exceptionally tan and fit after his Florida trip. His golf game improved tremendously in Florida where he shot several rounds in the low 80s....we later found out he played an Executive 9 hole course."

This is what one calls An Old White Man Burn.

"Dan missed about 25% of the games as he vaped outside much of the night."

Oh my God. WHAT is poker night.

"Steve arrived at the game decked out in a Calvin Klein ensemble including a V neck tee shirt, one earring, a sport coat, and loafers without socks looking like someone out of Miami Vice. We assumed it was a mid life crisis and said nothing."

"I was not a good loser and had to apologize for tossing my chair against the wall several times in disgust when the house kicked my ass on what I thought was a winning hand."

Dad also gets in a couple of very solid anti-Trump dunks, which I will not repeat here.

There is also a reference to somebody bringing a jug of homemade wine. Ah, Jersey.

My dad thinks he invented the slogan "Make America Blue Again," nobody tell him otherwise, please.

Is Kevin my real dad and that's why my dad roasted him so hard