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R: We hereby nominate this poop-flinging monkey for President
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: What a terrible candidate
R: At least the poop-flinging monkey won’t kill babies & take away my guns
D: But the Democrats don’t—
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: TRIGGERED, LIBS?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: What a terrible candidate
R: At least the poop-flinging monkey won’t kill babies & take away my guns
D: But the Democrats don’t—
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: TRIGGERED, LIBS?
D: The GOP has nominated a candidate who literally does nothing but fling poop around all day
R: What about that time in 1995 when Bill Clinton threw his poop at a Congressional staffer
D: I am 98% certain that never happened
R: I read it on Breitbart
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: What about that time in 1995 when Bill Clinton threw his poop at a Congressional staffer
D: I am 98% certain that never happened
R: I read it on Breitbart
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CNN: Despite tanking in the popular vote, the Electoral College has installed the Poop-Flinging Monkey as your President
R: YAY!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is a disaster
R: The economy’s doing better already!
D: You are all deranged
R: Or maybe *you’ve* got PFMDS
R: YAY!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is a disaster
R: The economy’s doing better already!
D: You are all deranged
R: Or maybe *you’ve* got PFMDS
INAUGURATION DAY
CNN: An abysmally low turnout arrived in Washington for the inauguration of the Poop-Flinging Monkey as President
R: Fake News! The crowd was huge!
D: That’s not what the photos reveal
R: That’s just what the media WANTS you to think!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CNN: An abysmally low turnout arrived in Washington for the inauguration of the Poop-Flinging Monkey as President
R: Fake News! The crowd was huge!
D: That’s not what the photos reveal
R: That’s just what the media WANTS you to think!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 10
WP: So, how’s the transition going
R: Couldn’t be better! Except for the Democrat pranksters who smeared poop all over the keyboards, walls, & bedsheets
WP: Are you sure that didn’t happen AFTER the poop-flinging monkey arrived
R: Again with you biased media liberals
WP: So, how’s the transition going
R: Couldn’t be better! Except for the Democrat pranksters who smeared poop all over the keyboards, walls, & bedsheets
WP: Are you sure that didn’t happen AFTER the poop-flinging monkey arrived
R: Again with you biased media liberals
DAY 85
D: It was a terrible idea to leave a poop-flinging monkey in charge of the USA
R: Why?
D: Our infrastructure’s a disaster, the budget’s in shambles, & let’s not even get into the cleaning bill at the G8
R: You’re just bitter because we’re WINNING
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: It was a terrible idea to leave a poop-flinging monkey in charge of the USA
R: Why?
D: Our infrastructure’s a disaster, the budget’s in shambles, & let’s not even get into the cleaning bill at the G8
R: You’re just bitter because we’re WINNING
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 212
NYT: We’re deep in the heart of Slidewhistle, Utah to speak with some voters. What do you think of President Poop-Flinging Monkey so far?
R: Well, I’m happy he’s pissing off the liberals
NYT: Really? why?
R: They looked down on me for voting for a poop-flinging monkey
NYT: We’re deep in the heart of Slidewhistle, Utah to speak with some voters. What do you think of President Poop-Flinging Monkey so far?
R: Well, I’m happy he’s pissing off the liberals
NYT: Really? why?
R: They looked down on me for voting for a poop-flinging monkey
DAY 561
WP: We have references for all 20,631 times President Poop-Flinging Monkey threw his poop while in office
R: How do you know other Presidents didn’t throw their poop just as much? HUH?
D: It would have made the headlines every night
R: WHAT IF THE MEDIA COVERED IT UP
WP: We have references for all 20,631 times President Poop-Flinging Monkey threw his poop while in office
R: How do you know other Presidents didn’t throw their poop just as much? HUH?
D: It would have made the headlines every night
R: WHAT IF THE MEDIA COVERED IT UP
DAY 874
D: The House of Representatives asserts that the President threw his poop at Chancellor Angela Merkel, which is an impeachable offense
R: FAKE NEWS! The Deep State is spreading vicious lies to bring down our President!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Plus, Merkel deserved it
D: The House of Representatives asserts that the President threw his poop at Chancellor Angela Merkel, which is an impeachable offense
R: FAKE NEWS! The Deep State is spreading vicious lies to bring down our President!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Plus, Merkel deserved it
DAY 933 - THE HEARING
D1: I saw the Poop-Flinging Monkey flinging poop at Chancellor Merkel
R: That’s just hearsay
D2: I, too, saw the President flinging poop at Merkel
R: Also hearsay
MERKEL: Ich bin in kacke bedeckt
R: Yeah, but you could have smeared it all over yourself
D1: I saw the Poop-Flinging Monkey flinging poop at Chancellor Merkel
R: That’s just hearsay
D2: I, too, saw the President flinging poop at Merkel
R: Also hearsay
MERKEL: Ich bin in kacke bedeckt
R: Yeah, but you could have smeared it all over yourself
DAY 1016
COOPER: We return live to the Poop-Flinging Monkey Rally, where the President is in his element
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
LEMON: For obvious reasons, it’s very difficult to read the signs behind him
COOPER: The Democrats have their work cut out for them in 2020
COOPER: We return live to the Poop-Flinging Monkey Rally, where the President is in his element
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
LEMON: For obvious reasons, it’s very difficult to read the signs behind him
COOPER: The Democrats have their work cut out for them in 2020
LEMON: For Democrats to develop a strategy, they must first understand Poop-Flinging Monkey voters. Are they happy with the Poop-Flinging Monkey, or disappointed? Did he deliver as expected?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
COOPER: Are they better off now than they were four years ago?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
COOPER: Are they better off now than they were four years ago?
COOPER: Even as I watch this rally full of Republicans cheering on an angry monkey flinging poop everywhere, I sense they may be growing weary of the bread & circuses
(Kanye West leads crowd in “POOPITY SCOOP!” chant)
LEMON: Perhaps they will come to terms with his limitations
(Kanye West leads crowd in “POOPITY SCOOP!” chant)
LEMON: Perhaps they will come to terms with his limitations
DAY 1021
R: We have it on expertly-sourced authority that Hunter Biden threw poop at someone in Ukraine
D: No, that’s been debunked. He TOOK a poop in Ukraine, but that’s it
NYT: We need to hear from both sides of this controversy
FOX: THE BIDEN “POOPERGATE” SCANDAL CONTINUES
R: We have it on expertly-sourced authority that Hunter Biden threw poop at someone in Ukraine
D: No, that’s been debunked. He TOOK a poop in Ukraine, but that’s it
NYT: We need to hear from both sides of this controversy
FOX: THE BIDEN “POOPERGATE” SCANDAL CONTINUES
DAY 1024
MONKEY: (flings poop at crowd)
R: I’m so glad we have a President who tells it like it is
CROWD: BOOOOOO!
R: How uncivilized! Those disrespectful Democrats need to mind their manners
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: YEAH! It’s about time we had a President who fought back!
MONKEY: (flings poop at crowd)
R: I’m so glad we have a President who tells it like it is
CROWD: BOOOOOO!
R: How uncivilized! Those disrespectful Democrats need to mind their manners
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: YEAH! It’s about time we had a President who fought back!
DAY 1029
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is ridiculous. How can you keep supporting this President?
R: He’s just TROLLING you!
And you silly liberals keep falling for it!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Uh, does he do anything else
R: SILLY, TRIGGERED LIBERALS!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is ridiculous. How can you keep supporting this President?
R: He’s just TROLLING you!
And you silly liberals keep falling for it!MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Uh, does he do anything else
R: SILLY, TRIGGERED LIBERALS!
DAY 1032 - THE HEARING
D: We contend that the poop found on Chancellor Merkel came from the Poop-Flinging Monkey
R: Witch hunt! That could be anybody’s poop!
D: Our forensic endocrinologist has determined that it is indeed monkey poop
R: That could be anybody’s monkey poop!
D: We contend that the poop found on Chancellor Merkel came from the Poop-Flinging Monkey
R: Witch hunt! That could be anybody’s poop!
D: Our forensic endocrinologist has determined that it is indeed monkey poop
R: That could be anybody’s monkey poop!
DAY 1033
BIDEN: I won’t say that supporters of the Poop-Flinging Monkey have anything wrong with their judgment
MONKEY: (flings poop at Biden)
BIDEN: If there’s one thing I’ve learned in American politics, it’s that it’s a very bad idea to call his supporters “deplorable”
BIDEN: I won’t say that supporters of the Poop-Flinging Monkey have anything wrong with their judgment
MONKEY: (flings poop at Biden)
BIDEN: If there’s one thing I’ve learned in American politics, it’s that it’s a very bad idea to call his supporters “deplorable”
DAY 1035
R: 53% of Republicans said the Poop-Flinging Monkey is a better POTUS than Lincoln
D: Oh, FFS. On what grounds?
R: His supporters cite “awesomeness” & “making liberals cry”
D: Let’s hear it for meritocracy
R: They also give him very high marks for “flinging poop”
R: 53% of Republicans said the Poop-Flinging Monkey is a better POTUS than Lincoln
D: Oh, FFS. On what grounds?
R: His supporters cite “awesomeness” & “making liberals cry”
D: Let’s hear it for meritocracy
R: They also give him very high marks for “flinging poop”
DAY 1036
MORNING SHOW
“Politics Over the Holidays”
WOMAN: Some people DO like the President who does nothing but fling poop everywhere, & others DON’T like the President who does nothing but fling poop everywhere
MAN: The important thing is to listen, & respect both sides
MORNING SHOW
“Politics Over the Holidays”
WOMAN: Some people DO like the President who does nothing but fling poop everywhere, & others DON’T like the President who does nothing but fling poop everywhere
MAN: The important thing is to listen, & respect both sides
WOMAN: Now, you may hate the Poop-Flinging Monkey, but Uncle Bob really likes the Poop-Flinging Monkey
MAN: Just understand you will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER change his mind
WOMAN: Just try to have a nice family dinner
MAN: I mean seriously, it’s like the Borg got to them
MAN: Just understand you will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER change his mind
WOMAN: Just try to have a nice family dinner
MAN: I mean seriously, it’s like the Borg got to them
R: Hello? I am deeply offended by the anti-Poop-Flinging-Monkey bias of your morning show, & demand balance more sympathetic to my views
WOMAN: Of course! After the break, my co-anchor will be replaced by a meme of the Poop-Flinging Monkey saying “NEENER NEENER”
MAN: Wait, what
WOMAN: Of course! After the break, my co-anchor will be replaced by a meme of the Poop-Flinging Monkey saying “NEENER NEENER”
MAN: Wait, what
DAY 1037
R: I am shunned by the so-called “tolerant” left for my unwavering support of the Poop-Flinging Monkey. My friends don’t return my calls. I’m a pariah at dinner parties. I get funny looks on the subway...
D: And why do you suppose that is
R: I blame the liberal media
R: I am shunned by the so-called “tolerant” left for my unwavering support of the Poop-Flinging Monkey. My friends don’t return my calls. I’m a pariah at dinner parties. I get funny looks on the subway...
D: And why do you suppose that is
R: I blame the liberal media
DAY 1040 - NATO SUMMIT
: We oppose the NATO defense plan for Baltic countries
: Our Number One priority should be the defeat of ISIS
: We must devise a plan for NATO to survive the coming years
: (flings poop)
: We oppose the NATO defense plan for Baltic countries: Our Number One priority should be the defeat of ISIS: We must devise a plan for NATO to survive the coming years: (flings poop)
DAY 1041 - THE HEARING
D: A monkey who does nothing but fling poop is unfit for office
R: Witch hunt! You didn’t even VOTE for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, did you?!
D: Uh.....
R: AHA! So you were ALWAYS against making a poop-flinging monkey our President!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: A monkey who does nothing but fling poop is unfit for office
R: Witch hunt! You didn’t even VOTE for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, did you?!
D: Uh.....
R: AHA! So you were ALWAYS against making a poop-flinging monkey our President!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1042
R1: I can’t believe how unhinged the Democrats are acting
R2: Can you believe they want to impeach the Poop-Flinging Monkey?
R1: Why can’t they just let our President do what we elected him to do
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R2: There must be something wrong with them
R1: I can’t believe how unhinged the Democrats are acting
R2: Can you believe they want to impeach the Poop-Flinging Monkey?
R1: Why can’t they just let our President do what we elected him to do
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R2: There must be something wrong with them
DAY 1043
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is unfit to lead this nation
R: That’s a Deep State conspiracy!
D: Excuse me?
R: Doesn’t it seem suspicious that the Democrats, the MSM, the FBI, & the NeverPoopers all say the exact same things about the President?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is unfit to lead this nation
R: That’s a Deep State conspiracy!
D: Excuse me?
R: Doesn’t it seem suspicious that the Democrats, the MSM, the FBI, & the NeverPoopers all say the exact same things about the President?
D: I find it fascinating how you can be endlessly skeptical of the veracity of the mainstream media, and yet not the least bit willing to doubt what your preferred media outlets tell you about the monkey who does nothing but fling his own poop
: “POOP MAN BAD!”
D: Oh, shut up
: “POOP MAN BAD!”D: Oh, shut up
DAY 1044
KILMEADE: Welcome to Fox & Friends! Our guest is Kellyanne Conway
DOOCY: What do you say to those who think there’s something wrong with a poop-flinging President?
CONWAY: He only does that because liberals force us to use low-pressure toilets
DOOCY: Sounds plausible
KILMEADE: Welcome to Fox & Friends! Our guest is Kellyanne Conway
DOOCY: What do you say to those who think there’s something wrong with a poop-flinging President?
CONWAY: He only does that because liberals force us to use low-pressure toilets
DOOCY: Sounds plausible
DAY 1045 - CNN
COOPER: Our guest is conservative opinion-haver Reagan Deplorable
DEPLORABLE: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is the greatest President of all time (throws poop)
C: You know, I don’t think we’re going to have you back
D: You liberals and your “Cancel Culture”
COOPER: Our guest is conservative opinion-haver Reagan Deplorable
DEPLORABLE: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is the greatest President of all time (throws poop)
C: You know, I don’t think we’re going to have you back
D: You liberals and your “Cancel Culture”
DAY 1046 - THE HEARING
D: In your report, does it say “The President threw poop at Angela Merkel” on Pages 34, 49, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 89, 93, and 102?
MUELLER: Yes
D: So do you recommend impeachment?
MUELLER: That’s not my job
R:: LOL FAKE IMPEACHMENT HOAX FAKE FAKE FAKE
D: In your report, does it say “The President threw poop at Angela Merkel” on Pages 34, 49, 78, 79, 80, 81, 82, 89, 93, and 102?
MUELLER: Yes
D: So do you recommend impeachment?
MUELLER: That’s not my job
R:: LOL FAKE IMPEACHMENT HOAX FAKE FAKE FAKE
DAY 1047
BARR: Our IG report reveals that Hillary Clinton covertly threw her own poop on Chancellor Merkel and framed the monkey for it
CLINTON: That’s the craziest thing I’ve heard since the last 12,000 things the GOP has accused me of
: LOCK HER UP!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
BARR: Our IG report reveals that Hillary Clinton covertly threw her own poop on Chancellor Merkel and framed the monkey for it
CLINTON: That’s the craziest thing I’ve heard since the last 12,000 things the GOP has accused me of
: LOCK HER UP!MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1055 - CNN
LEMON: Today, President Poop-Flinging Monkey sent a strongly-worded letter to Nancy Pelosi
O’BRIEN: It’s just a blank sheet of paper covered in brown smudges
LEMON: Yes, but it’ll end up in the Library of Congress some day
O’BRIEN: Take THAT, Gettysburg Address
LEMON: Today, President Poop-Flinging Monkey sent a strongly-worded letter to Nancy Pelosi
O’BRIEN: It’s just a blank sheet of paper covered in brown smudges
LEMON: Yes, but it’ll end up in the Library of Congress some day
O’BRIEN: Take THAT, Gettysburg Address
DAY 1056
R: Liberals are trying to outlaw Christmas
D: Oh, FFS; not this again
R: Thanks to the globalist secular muticulturalism of the Democrat Party, we can no longer enjoy Christmas trees, Santa Claus, tinsel, reindeer, eggnog, or Jesus Christ
D: That is not entirely true
R: Liberals are trying to outlaw Christmas
D: Oh, FFS; not this again
R: Thanks to the globalist secular muticulturalism of the Democrat Party, we can no longer enjoy Christmas trees, Santa Claus, tinsel, reindeer, eggnog, or Jesus Christ
D: That is not entirely true
R: But good Christian soldiers no longer need to live in fear!
D: Are you feeling OK
R: A new savior now walks among us! And what is his name?
D:
R: THE POOP-FLINGING MONKEY!
(Vince Guaraldi music plays)
R: Merry Christmas! God bless us, everyone!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Are you feeling OK
R: A new savior now walks among us! And what is his name?
D:
R: THE POOP-FLINGING MONKEY!
(Vince Guaraldi music plays)
R: Merry Christmas! God bless us, everyone!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1058
R1: Well, it finally happened
R2: The Democrats impeached the President
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R1: Don’t they know the Senate will protect him, no matter what?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R2: Democrats have no idea how ridiculous they look right now
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R1: Well, it finally happened
R2: The Democrats impeached the President
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R1: Don’t they know the Senate will protect him, no matter what?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R2: Democrats have no idea how ridiculous they look right now
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1059
A Starbucks Coffee Emporium
R: Tee hee! I gave a fake name to trigger the liberals
D: Jesus, I can’t take you anywhere
R: Oh, this is it; here it comes
BARISTA: I have an order for “THE POP-FLINGING HONKY IS STILL YOUR PRECEDENT”?
R: Goddamn it
A Starbucks Coffee Emporium
R: Tee hee! I gave a fake name to trigger the liberals
D: Jesus, I can’t take you anywhere
R: Oh, this is it; here it comes
BARISTA: I have an order for “THE POP-FLINGING HONKY IS STILL YOUR PRECEDENT”?
R: Goddamn it
DAY 1061
R: Leftists only hate the Poop-Flinging Monkey because they hate us!
D: Beg pardon?
R: They hate people like me, who want to indiscriminately fling poop everywhere & make absurd excuses for it
D: Oh, FFS
R: JE SUIS LE SINGE QUI JETTE DU CACA!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Leftists only hate the Poop-Flinging Monkey because they hate us!
D: Beg pardon?
R: They hate people like me, who want to indiscriminately fling poop everywhere & make absurd excuses for it
D: Oh, FFS
R: JE SUIS LE SINGE QUI JETTE DU CACA!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1075
CNN: The Poop-Flinging Monkey has bypassed Congress to declare war on Iran
D: What a reckless thing to do
R: HOW DARE YOU?
D: It just seems so poorly thought out
R: WHAT KIND OF TRAITOR CRITICIZES HIS PRESIDENT DURING WARTIME?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: U-S-A!
CNN: The Poop-Flinging Monkey has bypassed Congress to declare war on Iran
D: What a reckless thing to do
R: HOW DARE YOU?
D: It just seems so poorly thought out
R: WHAT KIND OF TRAITOR CRITICIZES HIS PRESIDENT DURING WARTIME?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: U-S-A!
DAY 1085
CNN: The Poop-Flinging Monkey spent yet another day flinging feces at passerby
FOX: The President is STRONG! He projects STRENGTH! And furthermore, STRONG STRONG STRONG!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
REUTERS: Early 2020 polls show the President leading by 5% in MI, WI, & PA
CNN: The Poop-Flinging Monkey spent yet another day flinging feces at passerby
FOX: The President is STRONG! He projects STRENGTH! And furthermore, STRONG STRONG STRONG!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
REUTERS: Early 2020 polls show the President leading by 5% in MI, WI, & PA
DAY 1088
CNN: Biden is handsy, out of touch, & doesn’t stand for much
MONKEY: (flings poop)
NYT: Sanders is rigid, divisive, & old AF
MONKEY: (flings poop)
WP: Leftists distrust Warren after flap with Sanders
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ALL: Why Are There No Electable Democrats?
CNN: Biden is handsy, out of touch, & doesn’t stand for much
MONKEY: (flings poop)
NYT: Sanders is rigid, divisive, & old AF
MONKEY: (flings poop)
WP: Leftists distrust Warren after flap with Sanders
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ALL: Why Are There No Electable Democrats?
U: Hi! I’m an undecided voter
D: I beg you: Vote Blue, No Matter Who
U: How childish. A functioning democracy means the Dems must actively WOO politically apathetic people in the 12 states that actually matter, or we all get the Poop-Flinging Monkey again
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I beg you: Vote Blue, No Matter Who
U: How childish. A functioning democracy means the Dems must actively WOO politically apathetic people in the 12 states that actually matter, or we all get the Poop-Flinging Monkey again
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1092
DERSHOWITZ: The President can throw poop at anyone he wants if he believes it serves the public interest
D: There’s no way that can be true
DERSHOWITZ: It must be true; I am a very famous lawyer
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: YAY! Let’s hear it for the public interest!
DERSHOWITZ: The President can throw poop at anyone he wants if he believes it serves the public interest
D: There’s no way that can be true
DERSHOWITZ: It must be true; I am a very famous lawyer
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: YAY! Let’s hear it for the public interest!
DERSHOWITZ: The liberal media mischaracterized my argument as saying that the President can fling poop at anyone if he feels it’s in the public interest
D: So what’d you mean by that
DERSHOWITZ: Silly liberal media!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DERSHOWITZ: I am a very famous lawyer
D: So what’d you mean by that
DERSHOWITZ: Silly liberal media!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DERSHOWITZ: I am a very famous lawyer
DERSHOWITZ: I never said it’s legal for the President to throw poop at anyone he wants to; only that it isn’t ALWAYS illegal for a President to throw poop
D: Yes, but you said it while defending the President in the case we are hearing right now
R: None of this matters anyway
D: Yes, but you said it while defending the President in the case we are hearing right now
R: None of this matters anyway
DAY 1096
R1: The Iowa caucus had tech issues! They can’t do anything right
R2: LOL! This is so typical of Democrat leadership
FOX: DEMS IN DISARRAY!
R1: Thank God the Republican Party is in charge; people always know what to expect from us
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R1: The Iowa caucus had tech issues! They can’t do anything right
R2: LOL!
This is so typical of Democrat leadershipFOX: DEMS IN DISARRAY!
R1: Thank God the Republican Party is in charge; people always know what to expect from us
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1101
COLLINS: I voted to let the Poop-Flinging Monkey off the hook, but I sincerely believe he learned his lesson & won’t do it again
CNN: We now bring you live to the President’s Post-Acquittal Gloatfest
MONKEY: (flings poop)
(
band plays “Hail to the Chief” )
COLLINS: I voted to let the Poop-Flinging Monkey off the hook, but I sincerely believe he learned his lesson & won’t do it again
CNN: We now bring you live to the President’s Post-Acquittal Gloatfest
MONKEY: (flings poop)
(
band plays “Hail to the Chief” )
DAY 1104
STEPHENS: I didn’t vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, but I know why some did
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPHENS: It was the snickering moralists’ fault for telling us NOT to vote for him
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPHENS: It was appealing because it was forbidden fruit!
STEPHENS: I didn’t vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, but I know why some did
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPHENS: It was the snickering moralists’ fault for telling us NOT to vote for him
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPHENS: It was appealing because it was forbidden fruit!
STEPHENS: The more Democrats complain about the Poop-Flinging Monkey, the more Republicans love him. That’s just science
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPHENS: The only thing we can do to stop Republicans from voting for him again out of spite is to ignore every lousy thing he does
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPHENS: The only thing we can do to stop Republicans from voting for him again out of spite is to ignore every lousy thing he does
DAY 1109
R: Bernie Sanders is a socialist who praised Fidel Castro
D: Well, he didn’t exactly—
R: How can the Democrats sink so low? We need a President who appreciates what our country is all about, and embodies the qualities that made America great
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Bernie Sanders is a socialist who praised Fidel Castro
D: Well, he didn’t exactly—
R: How can the Democrats sink so low? We need a President who appreciates what our country is all about, and embodies the qualities that made America great
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1130
D: Look, all I’m saying is that our current President may not be prepared to handle the tremendous responsibility of keeping the nation’s citizens safe during a deadly pandemic
R: There you go playing the blame game again
D:
R:
D:
R:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Look, all I’m saying is that our current President may not be prepared to handle the tremendous responsibility of keeping the nation’s citizens safe during a deadly pandemic
R: There you go playing the blame game again
D:
R:
D:
R:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1131
R: Democrats WANT people to die of a deadly disease so they can blame the Poop-Flinging Monkey!
D: That’s ridiculous; we just think he’s not very well-suited to
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: See? Disease cured!
D: That’s not how it works
R: DEMOCRATS WANT PEOPLE TO DIE
R: Democrats WANT people to die of a deadly disease so they can blame the Poop-Flinging Monkey!
D: That’s ridiculous; we just think he’s not very well-suited to
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: See? Disease cured!
D: That’s not how it works
R: DEMOCRATS WANT PEOPLE TO DIE
DAY 1132
R: Please enjoy our 2020 campaign song
HEY HEY, HE’S THE MONKEY
THEY SAY HE’S JUST A SIMIAN CLOWN
BUT HE’S TOO BUSY FLINGING...
HIS POOP TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING DOWN
D: Oh, boy
R: Are we gonna get sued
SECRETARY: Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. on Line 1
R: Please enjoy our 2020 campaign song
HEY HEY, HE’S THE MONKEY
THEY SAY HE’S JUST A SIMIAN CLOWN
BUT HE’S TOO BUSY FLINGING...
HIS POOP TO KNOW WHAT’S GOING DOWN
D: Oh, boy
R: Are we gonna get sued
SECRETARY: Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn & Jones Ltd. on Line 1
DAY 1135
R: The Democrats are going to lose again because THE LEFT CAN’T THROW POOP
D: This is ridiculous; the Democrats want to raise the minimum wage, make health care affordable and protect women’s right to choose
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: LMAO pwned
R: The Democrats are going to lose again because THE LEFT CAN’T THROW POOP
D: This is ridiculous; the Democrats want to raise the minimum wage, make health care affordable and protect women’s right to choose
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: LMAO pwned
DAY 1136 - CNN
COOPER: While Biden & Sanders are thoughtful & capable, the question remains: can they appeal to Americans who like the poop-flinging monkey?
LEMON: They haven’t flung much poop at all
C: Well, maybe some of Bernie’s supporters
L: I think those are mostly bots
COOPER: While Biden & Sanders are thoughtful & capable, the question remains: can they appeal to Americans who like the poop-flinging monkey?
LEMON: They haven’t flung much poop at all
C: Well, maybe some of Bernie’s supporters
L: I think those are mostly bots
DAY 1142
D: Our President is completely ill-equipped to handle the Coronavirus
R: Nonsense! 87% of Americans expressed confidence that the Poop-Flinging Monkey will take care of it
D: What does that even mean
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: WHY DOESN’T THE MEDIA REPORT *THAT*? HUH?
D: Our President is completely ill-equipped to handle the Coronavirus
R: Nonsense! 87% of Americans expressed confidence that the Poop-Flinging Monkey will take care of it
D: What does that even mean
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: WHY DOESN’T THE MEDIA REPORT *THAT*? HUH?
DAY 1145
R: The Poop-Flinging Monkey calls for a National Day of Prayer
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: He’s not acting all that differently
R: WHAT DO YOU LIBS HAVE AGAINST PRAYER, HUH?
D: Nothing, but it’s a poor substitute for action
R: DEMOCRATS HATE GOD
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The Poop-Flinging Monkey calls for a National Day of Prayer
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: He’s not acting all that differently
R: WHAT DO YOU LIBS HAVE AGAINST PRAYER, HUH?
D: Nothing, but it’s a poor substitute for action
R: DEMOCRATS HATE GOD
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1146
KERIK: This so-called “pandemic” is a global conspiracy to distract us from the unprecedented success of the Poop-Flinging Monkey
CLARKE: I blame George Soros
REGAN: Democrats will rue the day they accused us of being mindless cult followers
MONKEY: (flings poop)
KERIK: This so-called “pandemic” is a global conspiracy to distract us from the unprecedented success of the Poop-Flinging Monkey
CLARKE: I blame George Soros
REGAN: Democrats will rue the day they accused us of being mindless cult followers
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1150
PETER ALEXANDER: Mr. President, in the wake of this global pandemic, a worried nation turns to you for guidance. How would you put their minds at ease?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
PETER ALEXANDER: HEY!
R: The liberal media is so divisive
PETER ALEXANDER: Mr. President, in the wake of this global pandemic, a worried nation turns to you for guidance. How would you put their minds at ease?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
PETER ALEXANDER: HEY!
R: The liberal media is so divisive
DAY 1160
R: The global pandemic is the Democrats’ fault, because they distracted the Poop-Flinging Monkey with impeachment
D: But he never attended any of the hearings
R: Doesn’t matter; still distracted
D: But
R: Democrats’ fault, times infinity
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The global pandemic is the Democrats’ fault, because they distracted the Poop-Flinging Monkey with impeachment
D: But he never attended any of the hearings
R: Doesn’t matter; still distracted
D: But
R: Democrats’ fault, times infinity
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1163
R: First, the media exaggerates the pandemic. Then, they claim the Poop-Flinging Monkey is unprepared. Then, they attack the President with “Gotcha” questions. Then, they cackle with glee when people die!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Clearly, the media cannot be trusted
R: First, the media exaggerates the pandemic. Then, they claim the Poop-Flinging Monkey is unprepared. Then, they attack the President with “Gotcha” questions. Then, they cackle with glee when people die!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Clearly, the media cannot be trusted
DAY 1170
R: You DIM-o-CRAPS are such weak and fragile snowflakes. Did you know some of the people with COVID-19 died for completely unrelated reasons?
D: How do you know that
R: It’s true! You’re just trying to make the Poop-Flinging Monkey look bad
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: You DIM-o-CRAPS are such weak and fragile snowflakes. Did you know some of the people with COVID-19 died for completely unrelated reasons?
D: How do you know that
R: It’s true! You’re just trying to make the Poop-Flinging Monkey look bad
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1178
R1: Well, we’re still on lockdown
R2: This pandemic isn’t going away
R1: Nobody trusts the President
R2: And the governors are all working together without him
R1: I wonder why?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R1: We know; you’re only trying to help
R1: Well, we’re still on lockdown
R2: This pandemic isn’t going away
R1: Nobody trusts the President
R2: And the governors are all working together without him
R1: I wonder why?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R1: We know; you’re only trying to help
DAY 1185 - CNN
COOPER: In the wake of the global pandemic, we bring you the nightly public address from the President of the United States
MONKEY: (flings poop)
LEMON: Wait, why are we doing this again
COOPER: I think it’s called “teaching the controversy” or something
COOPER: In the wake of the global pandemic, we bring you the nightly public address from the President of the United States
MONKEY: (flings poop)
LEMON: Wait, why are we doing this again
COOPER: I think it’s called “teaching the controversy” or something
DAY 1186
GORKA: I’ll tell you why the Left hates the Poop-Flinging Monkey. They hate his masculinity! They have been taught that masculinity is toxic!
DEMS: Are you feeling OK
GORKA: They see a big, strong alpha male like him & they just recoil in horror
MONKEY: (flings poop)
GORKA: I’ll tell you why the Left hates the Poop-Flinging Monkey. They hate his masculinity! They have been taught that masculinity is toxic!
DEMS: Are you feeling OK
GORKA: They see a big, strong alpha male like him & they just recoil in horror
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1196
R: First, they laugh at the Poop-Flinging Monkey. Then, they fight the Poop-Flinging Monkey. Then the Poop-Flinging Monkey wins, & gets to run the country for four years
D: Aren’t there other principles we should maybe consider
R: No
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: First, they laugh at the Poop-Flinging Monkey. Then, they fight the Poop-Flinging Monkey. Then the Poop-Flinging Monkey wins, & gets to run the country for four years
D: Aren’t there other principles we should maybe consider
R: No
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1198
D: Students are protesting a campus rally by the Poop-Flinging Monkey
R: Don’t those snowflakes have any respect for ideological diversity?
D: What’s that
R: An expression conservatives invented to imply that critics of our ideology are bigots
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Students are protesting a campus rally by the Poop-Flinging Monkey
R: Don’t those snowflakes have any respect for ideological diversity?
D: What’s that
R: An expression conservatives invented to imply that critics of our ideology are bigots
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: You liberals believe in diversity, right? You wouldn’t discriminate based on race, gender or sexual orientation
D: Sure, but
R: So why would you discriminate against a Poop-Flinging Monkey
D: But we don’t want a monkey flinging poop all over the place
R: HYPOCRITES
D: Sure, but
R: So why would you discriminate against a Poop-Flinging Monkey
D: But we don’t want a monkey flinging poop all over the place
R: HYPOCRITES
DAY 1200
D: It was unacceptable for the President to throw poop on Angela Merkel
R: Are you still repeating that MSM lie?
D: But there was evidence
R: That was debunked on RealPoopScoop dot com
D: But he throws poop everywhere else
R: But but but!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: It was unacceptable for the President to throw poop on Angela Merkel
R: Are you still repeating that MSM lie?
D: But there was evidence
R: That was debunked on RealPoopScoop dot com
D: But he throws poop everywhere else
R: But but but!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1201
R: You all have PFMDS! If Obama did and said the exact same things as the Poop-Flinging Monkey, the MSM would praise him
D: But Obama didn’t do the same things
R: I can declare that he did because Both Sides Bad
D: That’s insane
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: HYPOCRITES!
R: You all have PFMDS! If Obama did and said the exact same things as the Poop-Flinging Monkey, the MSM would praise him
D: But Obama didn’t do the same things
R: I can declare that he did because Both Sides Bad
D: That’s insane
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: HYPOCRITES!
DAY 1202
Trial Run at Disney’s “Hall of Presidents”
- -
CLINTON: “We do better when we work together.”
BUSH: “America will not forget.”
OBAMA: “We are a nation of immigrants.”
MONKEY: (flings poop)
- -
EISNER: Hmm; needs work
EMPLOYEE: Can I trouble you for some Purell
Trial Run at Disney’s “Hall of Presidents”
- -
CLINTON: “We do better when we work together.”
BUSH: “America will not forget.”
OBAMA: “We are a nation of immigrants.”
MONKEY: (flings poop)
- -
EISNER: Hmm; needs work
EMPLOYEE: Can I trouble you for some Purell
DAY 1203
CNN: There are reports of two White House employees sick with the virus
R: The President is outraged; how dare those careless employees risk infecting him with a potentially deadly disease
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Don’t they know the meaning of the word “sanitary”
CNN: There are reports of two White House employees sick with the virus
R: The President is outraged; how dare those careless employees risk infecting him with a potentially deadly disease
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Don’t they know the meaning of the word “sanitary”
DAY 1204
R: You liberals are brainwashed by the Fake News Media, who lie about the President every day
D: What did they lie about
R: They said he threw poop at Angela Merkel
D: He throws poop at everybody
R: That’s not evidence
D: Dozens of people saw him do it
R: Hearsay
R: You liberals are brainwashed by the Fake News Media, who lie about the President every day
D: What did they lie about
R: They said he threw poop at Angela Merkel
D: He throws poop at everybody
R: That’s not evidence
D: Dozens of people saw him do it
R: Hearsay
D: Merkel testified in front of the Senate covered in monkey poop
R: The monkey was framed by Democrats
D: This is lunacy
R: Maybe you Democrats should end this pointless WITCH HUNT and let our President do what we elected him to do
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The monkey was framed by Democrats
D: This is lunacy
R: Maybe you Democrats should end this pointless WITCH HUNT and let our President do what we elected him to do
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1205
And Now, a Mother’s Day Greeting from the President of the United States
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: That’s disgusting
R: And people like you are precisely why he’s going to win again
D: What?
R: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE! (Hammers POOP-FLINGING MONKEY sign into lawn)
And Now, a Mother’s Day Greeting from the President of the United States
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: That’s disgusting
R: And people like you are precisely why he’s going to win again
D: What?
R: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE! (Hammers POOP-FLINGING MONKEY sign into lawn)
DAY 1206
D: So why isn’t the Poop-Flinging Monkey wearing a mask
R: Masks are for the weak! America voted for a strong, powerful alpha male who doesn’t care about their feelings!
D: Or science, or literacy, or medical research
R: Democrats just don’t understand leadership
D: So why isn’t the Poop-Flinging Monkey wearing a mask
R: Masks are for the weak! America voted for a strong, powerful alpha male who doesn’t care about their feelings!
D: Or science, or literacy, or medical research
R: Democrats just don’t understand leadership
R: A President should be strong, powerful, & confident! How would it look if he was a wimpy ‘fraidy-cat who was scared of catching a little virus? He’d be the laughingstock of the world!
D: Um...
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Isn’t it better to have a leader we can all be proud of?
D: Um...
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Isn’t it better to have a leader we can all be proud of?
DAY 1210
R: The President has a game-changing announcement to make
D: Dude; he’s a monkey. He may be capable of making sounds, but you’ll be bending over backwards if you try to ascribe any real meaning to them
MONKEY: “OBAMAGATE!”
R: Aha!
D: Jesus
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The President has a game-changing announcement to make
D: Dude; he’s a monkey. He may be capable of making sounds, but you’ll be bending over backwards if you try to ascribe any real meaning to them
MONKEY: “OBAMAGATE!”
R: Aha!
D: Jesus
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1211
R: Obama addressed graduating seniors on TV last night, but the current President wasn’t invited. How disrespectful!
D: Maybe they didn’t think he’d be very inspiring
R: It’s not about content; it’s about fairness
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I blame the liberal media
R: Obama addressed graduating seniors on TV last night, but the current President wasn’t invited. How disrespectful!
D: Maybe they didn’t think he’d be very inspiring
R: It’s not about content; it’s about fairness
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I blame the liberal media
R: We all know Obama is a great speaker. He’s “slick”, he’s “polished”, he reads “books”, and likely has a “3-digit IQ”. But there’s more to being a leader than just making speeches!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Unlike shallow Hollywood liberals, we are much more focused on results
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Unlike shallow Hollywood liberals, we are much more focused on results
DAY 1212
WOODS: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is not “articulate”. His hygiene is problematic. But he loves America more than any President of my lifetime!
D: On what grounds are you basing this assessment
WOODS: HE PROTECTS US FROM THE CESSPOOL OF WASHINGTON
MONKEY: (flings poop)
WOODS: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is not “articulate”. His hygiene is problematic. But he loves America more than any President of my lifetime!
D: On what grounds are you basing this assessment
WOODS: HE PROTECTS US FROM THE CESSPOOL OF WASHINGTON
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1213
CILLIZZA: Yes, the Poop-Flinging Monkey is an unlikable jerk. But he’s an unlikable jerk that gets stuff done!
D: Like what?
C: Doesn’t matter. He gets stuff done, & that’s what’s important
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: The Dems certainly have their work cut out for them
CILLIZZA: Yes, the Poop-Flinging Monkey is an unlikable jerk. But he’s an unlikable jerk that gets stuff done!
D: Like what?
C: Doesn’t matter. He gets stuff done, & that’s what’s important
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: The Dems certainly have their work cut out for them
DAY 1214
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: That’s disgusting
R: HA! You’ve fallen right into his trap
D: How so
R: He flings poop to distract you from all of the other terrible things that he’s doing, and you libs keep falling for it
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: He’s a goddamned genius
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: That’s disgusting
R: HA! You’ve fallen right into his trap
D: How so
R: He flings poop to distract you from all of the other terrible things that he’s doing, and you libs keep falling for it
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: He’s a goddamned genius
R: The monkey flings poop to distract you from the crashing economy & the investigations against him & the death count of the global pandemic
D: Maybe these problems would be solved if our President approached them differently
R: What kinda globalist beta LOSER are you, anyway
D: Maybe these problems would be solved if our President approached them differently
R: What kinda globalist beta LOSER are you, anyway
DAY 1216
MONKEY: (flings poop) (flings poop) (flings poop) (flings poop)
D: The President seems nervous; maybe it’s the new polls
R: He’s just doing what the people elected him to do!
MONKEY: (flings poop) (flings poop) (flings poop)
R: Promises made; promises kept
MONKEY: (flings poop) (flings poop) (flings poop) (flings poop)
D: The President seems nervous; maybe it’s the new polls
R: He’s just doing what the people elected him to do!
MONKEY: (flings poop) (flings poop) (flings poop)
R: Promises made; promises kept
DAY 1217
R: We love our President because he is succeeding despite your criticizing him every step of the way
D: Is he, now
R: You said he’d be a disaster, accomplishing nothing of value and just throwing poop everywhere. Well, who’s laughing now, libs?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: We love our President because he is succeeding despite your criticizing him every step of the way
D: Is he, now
R: You said he’d be a disaster, accomplishing nothing of value and just throwing poop everywhere. Well, who’s laughing now, libs?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1218
D: 100,000 have died so far
R: It’s China’s fault; they let it happen
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s Obama’s fault; he left us unprepared
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s Cuomo’s fault because nursing homes
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: WHY WON’T DEMS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY?
D: 100,000 have died so far
R: It’s China’s fault; they let it happen
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s Obama’s fault; he left us unprepared
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s Cuomo’s fault because nursing homes
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: WHY WON’T DEMS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY?
R: We love our Poop-Flinging Monkey! He is strong, masculine, & takes no guff. He is making America objectively great again!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: And the tiny handful of bad things like unemployment & corruption & the deadliest pandemic in a century are all Democrats’ fault
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: And the tiny handful of bad things like unemployment & corruption & the deadliest pandemic in a century are all Democrats’ fault
DAY 1219
D: So why isn’t the President wearing a mask
R: He doesn’t need one! He protects himself by taking Dr. Whistlestop’s Miracle Monkey Medicine
D: Is that safe?
R: Of course!
CNN: Hospitals report 200 new patients infected by Dr. Whistlestop’s Miracle Monkey Medicine
D: So why isn’t the President wearing a mask
R: He doesn’t need one! He protects himself by taking Dr. Whistlestop’s Miracle Monkey Medicine
D: Is that safe?
R: Of course!
CNN: Hospitals report 200 new patients infected by Dr. Whistlestop’s Miracle Monkey Medicine
COHEN: Hey, does anybody remember that time last year when I testified that Dr. Whistlestop funneled a quarter of a trillion dollars into the Poop-Flinging Monkey’s bank account
R: Fake News!
COHEN: I helped him do it
R: How can we trust a man who clearly reeks of monkey poop
R: Fake News!
COHEN: I helped him do it
R: How can we trust a man who clearly reeks of monkey poop
DAY 1220
R: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is brilliant, wise, and is making America great again
D: The monkey is letting the country disintegrate under a deadly pandemic while he does nothing but fling poop
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Clearly, you Democrats are brainwashed by CNN
R: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is brilliant, wise, and is making America great again
D: The monkey is letting the country disintegrate under a deadly pandemic while he does nothing but fling poop
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Clearly, you Democrats are brainwashed by CNN
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: See? He did it again
R: The Democrats threw that poop
D: I just saw the monkey do it!
R: Again with your CNN talking points
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: But he just
R: Nope; CNN
D: What on God’s grey Earth is wrong with you imbeciles
R: TRIGGERED!
D: See? He did it again
R: The Democrats threw that poop
D: I just saw the monkey do it!
R: Again with your CNN talking points
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: But he just
R: Nope; CNN
D: What on God’s grey Earth is wrong with you imbeciles
R: TRIGGERED!
DAY 1221
TWITTER: The President is violating our policies
R: What about freedom of speech?
D: But Twitter’s a private platform
R: Democracy depends on rigorous debate from both sides so people like me can decide what is true
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: CHANGE MY MIND, LIBS!
TWITTER: The President is violating our policies
R: What about freedom of speech?
D: But Twitter’s a private platform
R: Democracy depends on rigorous debate from both sides so people like me can decide what is true
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: CHANGE MY MIND, LIBS!
DAY 1222
R: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is big and strong and powerful! Whereas Sleepy Joe is weak and tiny and even wears a mask
D: Are there really enough people who are goddamned stupid enough to find that persuasive
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Never mind
R: So, so SLEEPY!
R: The Poop-Flinging Monkey is big and strong and powerful! Whereas Sleepy Joe is weak and tiny and even wears a mask
D: Are there really enough people who are goddamned stupid enough to find that persuasive
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Never mind
R: So, so SLEEPY!
DAY 1223
CNN: Cities broke out in riots today
D: Police brutality is horrifying
R: Yeah, but those looters are out of control
D: The cops overreacted
R: They fear for their safety
D: Our nation needs healing words from those in power
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Perfect
CNN: Cities broke out in riots today
D: Police brutality is horrifying
R: Yeah, but those looters are out of control
D: The cops overreacted
R: They fear for their safety
D: Our nation needs healing words from those in power
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Perfect
DAY 1224
R: The President has asked his supporters to hold a Poop-Flinging Rally to protect him from the angry mob outside the White House
D: That sounds reckless & irresponsible. Doesn’t he care if anyone gets hurt?
R: Dems just don’t understand courage
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The President has asked his supporters to hold a Poop-Flinging Rally to protect him from the angry mob outside the White House
D: That sounds reckless & irresponsible. Doesn’t he care if anyone gets hurt?
R: Dems just don’t understand courage
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1225
D: 100,000 people have died in the pandemic, the nation has erupted in protests over police brutality, and an angry mob is at the White House gates. Why on Earth did you elect a Poop-Flinging Monkey the President of the USA?
R: Because Hillary called us “deplorable”
D: 100,000 people have died in the pandemic, the nation has erupted in protests over police brutality, and an angry mob is at the White House gates. Why on Earth did you elect a Poop-Flinging Monkey the President of the USA?
R: Because Hillary called us “deplorable”
DAY 1226
D: Jesus, after the Poop-Flinging Monkey spent all night hiding in a bunker, it looks like the cops tear-gassed the protesters so he and his staff could step outside for a photo op
CNN: The President will now address the nation
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: He’s so BRAVE!
D: Jesus, after the Poop-Flinging Monkey spent all night hiding in a bunker, it looks like the cops tear-gassed the protesters so he and his staff could step outside for a photo op
CNN: The President will now address the nation
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: He’s so BRAVE!
DAY 1227
D: People might not be so mad at the President if he’d taken police brutality more seriously
R: He did take it seriously!
D: Just as he should’ve taken the pandemic more seriously
R: He did take it seriously!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: What more do you liberals want?
D: People might not be so mad at the President if he’d taken police brutality more seriously
R: He did take it seriously!
D: Just as he should’ve taken the pandemic more seriously
R: He did take it seriously!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: What more do you liberals want?
DAY 1228
R: The looting & destruction has emboldened Antifa, who will surely move on to suburban home invasions
D: That seems profoundly unlikely
R: Vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, because Biden will take your guns & leave you helpless against Antifa
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The looting & destruction has emboldened Antifa, who will surely move on to suburban home invasions
D: That seems profoundly unlikely
R: Vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, because Biden will take your guns & leave you helpless against Antifa
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1229
D: We need to get rid of the Poop-Flinging Monkey
R: I knew you radical Alinskyites were following the Weather Underground playbook to destroy capitalism! I’ll bet you also want to attack & dethrone God
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: You liberals are so brainwashed
D: We need to get rid of the Poop-Flinging Monkey
R: I knew you radical Alinskyites were following the Weather Underground playbook to destroy capitalism! I’ll bet you also want to attack & dethrone God
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: You liberals are so brainwashed
DAY 1230
R: We can’t be racist, because MLK was a Republican & the KKK was founded by Democrats
D: What does that have to do with this allegory
R: Nothing, but if I’m going to pass as a believable Republican I had to say it at least once
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Fair point
R: We can’t be racist, because MLK was a Republican & the KKK was founded by Democrats
D: What does that have to do with this allegory
R: Nothing, but if I’m going to pass as a believable Republican I had to say it at least once
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Fair point
DAY 1231
D: The President’s approval is 38%, the Democratic challenger is leading by 14 points & thousands are chanting “Fuck the Poop-Flinging Monkey” at the White House gates
R: I can’t believe how many have been brainwashed by the Radical Leftist Media
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: The President’s approval is 38%, the Democratic challenger is leading by 14 points & thousands are chanting “Fuck the Poop-Flinging Monkey” at the White House gates
R: I can’t believe how many have been brainwashed by the Radical Leftist Media
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1232 - CNN
O’BRIEN: The crowd has been protesting outside the White House for the past seven days
LEMON: What are they saying?
- - - -
“NO MORE MONKEY
NO MORE POOP
NO MORE FASCIST
RIGHT-WING COOP!”
- - - -
LEMON: I guess that works
O’BRIEN: Do they know the P is silent
O’BRIEN: The crowd has been protesting outside the White House for the past seven days
LEMON: What are they saying?
- - - -
“NO MORE MONKEY
NO MORE POOP
NO MORE FASCIST
RIGHT-WING COOP!”
- - - -
LEMON: I guess that works
O’BRIEN: Do they know the P is silent
DAY 1233
BREITBART: Our heroic President is keeping America safe from the angry mob of swarthy thugs
D: Most Americans support the protesters & the monkey hid in a bunker
B: Nope! Keeping us safe; angry mob
D: You also sound very racist
B: How dare you
MONKEY: (flings poop)
BREITBART: Our heroic President is keeping America safe from the angry mob of swarthy thugs
D: Most Americans support the protesters & the monkey hid in a bunker
B: Nope! Keeping us safe; angry mob
D: You also sound very racist
B: How dare you
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1234
D: I see the monkey’s having another rally next week
R: It’s about time! The Left has declared open season on police funding, “Gone With the Wind”, & the Confederate flag
D: And how is he going to help you
R: It’s about respect for our culture!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I see the monkey’s having another rally next week
R: It’s about time! The Left has declared open season on police funding, “Gone With the Wind”, & the Confederate flag
D: And how is he going to help you
R: It’s about respect for our culture!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: What about the global pandemic
R: Silly liberal snowflakes!
D: But
R: By the way, if you do attend this rally, we ask that you kindly NOT take legal action against the President if you find yourself exposed to the pandemic or inexplicably covered in monkey poop
R: Silly liberal snowflakes!
D: But
R: By the way, if you do attend this rally, we ask that you kindly NOT take legal action against the President if you find yourself exposed to the pandemic or inexplicably covered in monkey poop
DAY 1236
R: Those unhinged liberals tore down our statue of the Poop-Flinging Monkey!
D: You guys had a STATUE?
R: We didn’t want to waste any time; we could tell right away that he would be one of our all-time great Presidents
D: Why?
R: Mainly because he made you furious
R: Those unhinged liberals tore down our statue of the Poop-Flinging Monkey!
D: You guys had a STATUE?
R: We didn’t want to waste any time; we could tell right away that he would be one of our all-time great Presidents
D: Why?
R: Mainly because he made you furious
D: And what did you think might happen to a monument which made so many liberals angry
R: It’s complicated, because leftists are simultaneously sheltered snowflakes who need safe spaces and violent ANTIFA savages
D: I see you’ve got your bases covered
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s complicated, because leftists are simultaneously sheltered snowflakes who need safe spaces and violent ANTIFA savages
D: I see you’ve got your bases covered
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1238
FOX: Here is an absurdly cheerful family playing guitars outside the rally
- -
VOTE FOR THE COUNTRY’S
BEST PRIMATE
HE WILL KEEP
AMERICA GREAT
THIS COUNTRY NEEDS
JUST A LITTLE MORE DUNG
THERE’S LIBS TO TRIGGER
AND POOP TO BE FLUNG
- -
FOX: Take that, John Legend
FOX: Here is an absurdly cheerful family playing guitars outside the rally
- -
VOTE FOR THE COUNTRY’S
BEST PRIMATE
HE WILL KEEP
AMERICA GREAT
THIS COUNTRY NEEDS
JUST A LITTLE MORE DUNG
THERE’S LIBS TO TRIGGER
AND POOP TO BE FLUNG
- -
FOX: Take that, John Legend
DAY 1240
D: Wow, there sure are a lot of empty seats at the rally
R: The President did that on purpose to enforce social distancing
D: Did he now
R: First, liberals said he wasn’t careful enough; now you’re saying that he’s TOO careful!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: HYPOCRITES!
D: Wow, there sure are a lot of empty seats at the rally
R: The President did that on purpose to enforce social distancing
D: Did he now
R: First, liberals said he wasn’t careful enough; now you’re saying that he’s TOO careful!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: HYPOCRITES!
DAY 1241
R: The rally was GREAT! The monkey threw his poop at the crowd for nearly 2 hours
D: Impressive
R: I’d like to see Joe Biden try THAT!
D: Are you completely sure about that
R: Ha! I’ll bet he’d get winded after 10 minutes
D:
R: DOES THAT SOUND PRESIDENTIAL TO YOU?
R: The rally was GREAT! The monkey threw his poop at the crowd for nearly 2 hours
D: Impressive
R: I’d like to see Joe Biden try THAT!
D: Are you completely sure about that
R: Ha! I’ll bet he’d get winded after 10 minutes
D:
R: DOES THAT SOUND PRESIDENTIAL TO YOU?
DAY 1242
STEPIEN: We have received cease-&-desist letters from several musicians demanding that the Poop-Flinging Monkey stop using their music at his rallies
PARSCALE: Like who?
STEPIEN: Elvis, Buddy Holly, the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks, the Who, the Supremes... (cont’d)
STEPIEN: We have received cease-&-desist letters from several musicians demanding that the Poop-Flinging Monkey stop using their music at his rallies
PARSCALE: Like who?
STEPIEN: Elvis, Buddy Holly, the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks, the Who, the Supremes... (cont’d)
... the Bobby Fuller 4, the Dave Clark 5, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Jay-Z, Miley Cyrus, Metallica, Slayer, Dimmu Borgir, Run the Jewels, Rage Against the Machine, and Godspeed You Black Emperor
PARSCALE: That doesn’t leave much
STEPIEN: Spike Jones & His City Slickers it is, then
PARSCALE: That doesn’t leave much
STEPIEN: Spike Jones & His City Slickers it is, then
DAY 1243
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: He sounds pretty angry about that rally
R: Of course not! The President is just deeply concerned about voter fraud & Fake News reports that said he threw his poop for 2 hours
D: But he did throw his poop for 2 hours
R: Yes, but he was joking
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: He sounds pretty angry about that rally
R: Of course not! The President is just deeply concerned about voter fraud & Fake News reports that said he threw his poop for 2 hours
D: But he did throw his poop for 2 hours
R: Yes, but he was joking
D: Wait, how was he “joking”
R: It was obvious! The audience at these rallies has a finely-tuned ear for nuance, & can easily discern between sincere poop-flinging & ironic poop-flinging
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: So which was that
R: You liberals just don’t understand context
R: It was obvious! The audience at these rallies has a finely-tuned ear for nuance, & can easily discern between sincere poop-flinging & ironic poop-flinging
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: So which was that
R: You liberals just don’t understand context
DAY 1244
ELLIS: I’m going on record now: If they try to cancel Christianity, I will not bend
D: Wait, who’s trying to cancel
ELLIS: WHO DO YOU TRUST? A sworn enemy of Christianity like Joe Biden, or our powerful, God-fearing simian President?
D: Oh, FFS
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ELLIS: I’m going on record now: If they try to cancel Christianity, I will not bend
D: Wait, who’s trying to cancel
ELLIS: WHO DO YOU TRUST? A sworn enemy of Christianity like Joe Biden, or our powerful, God-fearing simian President?
D: Oh, FFS
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1245
D: There’s a new surge of the pandemic
R: You can’t blame the President for that!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is ridiculous. I’m voting for Biden
R: Pffft! Good luck with that!
D: What’s wrong with Biden?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: There’s just no enthusiasm
D: There’s a new surge of the pandemic
R: You can’t blame the President for that!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is ridiculous. I’m voting for Biden
R: Pffft!
Good luck with that!D: What’s wrong with Biden?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: There’s just no enthusiasm
DAY 1247 - FOX NEWS
HANNITY: Just imagine: “The Poop-Flinging Monkey has been re-elected.” What’s at stake in this election as you compare and contrast, and what are your top priority items for a second term?
M:
H:
M:
H:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
HANNITY: We’ll be right back
HANNITY: Just imagine: “The Poop-Flinging Monkey has been re-elected.” What’s at stake in this election as you compare and contrast, and what are your top priority items for a second term?
M:
H:
M:
H:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
HANNITY: We’ll be right back
R: It’s unfair of liberals to shame the Poop-Flinging Monkey by posting word-for-word transcipts. He clearly meant that he is a humble servant of the people who will help them rise to meet the challenges of tomorrow
D: I think you may be embellishing a bit
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I think you may be embellishing a bit
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1249
PARSCALE: Reports are emerging that Russia attacked our troops while the monkey did nothing
STEPIEN: Isn’t Russia helping him get re-elected?
P: mumble
S: But the President LOVES the troops!
P: We could send him to West Point to throw poop at the cadets
S: Perfect
PARSCALE: Reports are emerging that Russia attacked our troops while the monkey did nothing
STEPIEN: Isn’t Russia helping him get re-elected?
P: mumble
S: But the President LOVES the troops!
P: We could send him to West Point to throw poop at the cadets
S: Perfect
DAY 1250
D: Russia’s bankrolling the Taliban & Americans are dying from the pandemic; why is the monkey just ranting & raving
R: He’s focusing on red-meat issues for his base! The President really is a brilliant political strategist
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: God Bless America
D: Russia’s bankrolling the Taliban & Americans are dying from the pandemic; why is the monkey just ranting & raving
R: He’s focusing on red-meat issues for his base! The President really is a brilliant political strategist
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: God Bless America
DAY 1251
NYT: We’re here in Las Comadrejas, CA to talk to some voters. How do you think the Poop-Flinging Monkey is doing?
R: I don’t follow politics, but I guess he’s doing OK
D: That vile simian spawn of a thousand demons is leading us all to ruin
NYT: So we’re split 50-50
NYT: We’re here in Las Comadrejas, CA to talk to some voters. How do you think the Poop-Flinging Monkey is doing?
R: I don’t follow politics, but I guess he’s doing OK
D: That vile simian spawn of a thousand demons is leading us all to ruin
NYT: So we’re split 50-50
DAY 1252
D1: Conservatives are getting fed up with being reported on Twitter, so they’re migrating to Parler
D2: Good riddance
D1: Just imagine - a forum consisting of nothing but supporters of the Poop-Flinging Monkey. What do you suppose THAT’S like?
D2: I can only guess
D1: Conservatives are getting fed up with being reported on Twitter, so they’re migrating to Parler
D2: Good riddance
D1: Just imagine - a forum consisting of nothing but supporters of the Poop-Flinging Monkey. What do you suppose THAT’S like?
D2: I can only guess
DAY 1253
FOX: From St. Louis, we bring you viral sensation Creampuff McRacist
McR: My life is ruined
FOX: Why?
McR: My wife & I were caught flinging our own poop at protesters in the street, and now we’re a laughingstock
FOX: My God
McR: WILL THE WOKE MOB STOP AT NOTHING?
FOX: From St. Louis, we bring you viral sensation Creampuff McRacist
McR: My life is ruined
FOX: Why?
McR: My wife & I were caught flinging our own poop at protesters in the street, and now we’re a laughingstock
FOX: My God
McR: WILL THE WOKE MOB STOP AT NOTHING?
DAY 1254
HANNITY: BLM is training militias for war against the police
D: That sounds farfetched
ADAMS: If Biden wins, Republicans will be hunted & killed
D: Are we talking about the same Joe Biden
CARLSON: ONLY THE POOP-FLINGING MONKEY CAN SAVE US NOW!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
HANNITY: BLM is training militias for war against the police
D: That sounds farfetched
ADAMS: If Biden wins, Republicans will be hunted & killed
D: Are we talking about the same Joe Biden
CARLSON: ONLY THE POOP-FLINGING MONKEY CAN SAVE US NOW!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s true! Have you seen the deranged mobs of angry Democrats? They hate us for our unflinching, unbending support of the Poop-Flinging Monkey!
D: Have you considered why Democrats might be angry about that
R: They are HATEFUL PEOPLE! Filled with HATE!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Have you considered why Democrats might be angry about that
R: They are HATEFUL PEOPLE! Filled with HATE!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1255 - CNN
COOPER: Early reports of the President’s 4th of July address indicate he’ll
LEMON: WHY? WHY IN UNHOLY HELL IS THIS A STORY?
C:
L: WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE’S GOING TO DO!
C:
L: WHAT, DOES HE HAVE A SCRIPT THAT READS “FLING POOP” 200 TIMES?
C: We’ll be right back
COOPER: Early reports of the President’s 4th of July address indicate he’ll
LEMON: WHY? WHY IN UNHOLY HELL IS THIS A STORY?
C:
L: WE ALL KNOW WHAT HE’S GOING TO DO!
C:
L: WHAT, DOES HE HAVE A SCRIPT THAT READS “FLING POOP” 200 TIMES?
C: We’ll be right back
DAY 1256
D: The Poop-Flinging Monkey seemed exhausted at the rally last night
R: You can’t blame him; it’s hard work making America great again
D: Maybe he should’ve stayed home
R: But we need him to inspire us!
MONKEY: (halfheartedly flings poop)
* FIREWORKS EXPLODE *
D: The Poop-Flinging Monkey seemed exhausted at the rally last night
R: You can’t blame him; it’s hard work making America great again
D: Maybe he should’ve stayed home
R: But we need him to inspire us!
MONKEY: (halfheartedly flings poop)
* FIREWORKS EXPLODE *
DAY 1257
R: Lawless savages want to destroy everything we hold dear: the American flag, Mt. Rushmore, & statues of long-deceased Confederate generals
D: Aren’t there other things we should
R: WE NEED A PRESIDENT WHO WILL STAND UP FOR WHAT TRULY MATTERS!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Lawless savages want to destroy everything we hold dear: the American flag, Mt. Rushmore, & statues of long-deceased Confederate generals
D: Aren’t there other things we should
R: WE NEED A PRESIDENT WHO WILL STAND UP FOR WHAT TRULY MATTERS!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: “Cancel culture” is coming for all of us! What about the statues of patriotic Americans we all keep in our yards?
D: Is this a common problem
R: How will we live without our “Stonewall” Jackson commemorative birdbaths?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I REFUSE TO “CANCEL” AMERICA!
D: Is this a common problem
R: How will we live without our “Stonewall” Jackson commemorative birdbaths?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I REFUSE TO “CANCEL” AMERICA!
DAY 1260
R: We can’t elect Joe Biden! He is old, says dopey things, & might raise taxes
D: Our current President is a poop-flinging monkey. Why are you acting like this is a normal election year?
R: He’s better than Democrats
D: Do you really believe that
R: Does it matter?
R: We can’t elect Joe Biden! He is old, says dopey things, & might raise taxes
D: Our current President is a poop-flinging monkey. Why are you acting like this is a normal election year?
R: He’s better than Democrats
D: Do you really believe that
R: Does it matter?
D: Our current President is an incoherent simian life form who has no idea what’s going on, whose only response to a crisis is to fling his own poop
R: Your point?
D: Why do you act like he’s no different than any other Republican?
R:
D:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Never mind
R: Your point?
D: Why do you act like he’s no different than any other Republican?
R:
D:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Never mind
DAY 1261
BIDEN: Mr. President, stop flinging poop & do your job
SCHUMER: Mr. President, stop flinging poop & focus on testing
LIEU: Mr. President, stop flinging poop & take the virus seriously
D: This feels like a waste of time
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Ha! Stupid Democrats
BIDEN: Mr. President, stop flinging poop & do your job
SCHUMER: Mr. President, stop flinging poop & focus on testing
LIEU: Mr. President, stop flinging poop & take the virus seriously
D: This feels like a waste of time
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Ha! Stupid Democrats
DAY 1262
PELOSI: Do not vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey
SANDERS: Do not vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey
CNN: DOOOO
NYT: NOOT
ABC: VOOOTE
MSNBC: FORRR
NBC: THEEE
WP: POOOOOP
CBS: FLINNNNGINNNG
PBS: MONKEEEEEY
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Ha! Liberals can’t tell ME what to do!
PELOSI: Do not vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey
SANDERS: Do not vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey
CNN: DOOOO
NYT: NOOT
ABC: VOOOTE
MSNBC: FORRR
NBC: THEEE
WP: POOOOOP
CBS: FLINNNNGINNNG
PBS: MONKEEEEEY
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Ha! Liberals can’t tell ME what to do!
DAY 1265
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I still don’t get the appeal
R: We’re sick of liberals trying to tell everyone what to do. How dare they make us wear masks everywhere!
D: Yes, I remember when the President called the pandemic a hoax
R: HE NEVER SAID THAT! But it totally is
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I still don’t get the appeal
R: We’re sick of liberals trying to tell everyone what to do. How dare they make us wear masks everywhere!
D: Yes, I remember when the President called the pandemic a hoax
R: HE NEVER SAID THAT! But it totally is
R: Conservatism in 2020 is defined by not letting anybody tell us what to do! That includes doctors, scientists, all of your so-called “experts”
D: Who is responding to this message
R: It’s pretty heavy on the “angry redneck” contingent
D: You don’t say
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Who is responding to this message
R: It’s pretty heavy on the “angry redneck” contingent
D: You don’t say
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1268
D: Pandemic deaths are escalating
R: That’s a hoax to bring down the Poop-Flinging Monkey
D: Putin put a bounty on US soldiers
R: That’s a hoax to bring down the Poop-Flinging Monkey
D: Are you sure about that
R: I REFUSE TO BE BRAINWASHED!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Pandemic deaths are escalating
R: That’s a hoax to bring down the Poop-Flinging Monkey
D: Putin put a bounty on US soldiers
R: That’s a hoax to bring down the Poop-Flinging Monkey
D: Are you sure about that
R: I REFUSE TO BE BRAINWASHED!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Dr. Fauci says the virus is getting worse
R: Dr. Fauci was a reasonable and well-respected medical professional until the microsecond he suggested the Poop-Flinging Monkey was doing a bad job, at which point he became a seditious tool of the Deep State
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Dr. Fauci was a reasonable and well-respected medical professional until the microsecond he suggested the Poop-Flinging Monkey was doing a bad job, at which point he became a seditious tool of the Deep State
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1269
R: Why can’t you accept that there are intelligent people on both sides of the political divide
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Your framing misleadingly suggests that pro- & anti-Monkey views are comparable
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Or maybe liberals are just less tolerant
R: Why can’t you accept that there are intelligent people on both sides of the political divide
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Your framing misleadingly suggests that pro- & anti-Monkey views are comparable
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Or maybe liberals are just less tolerant
DÍA 1271
D: El mono promueve los frijoles Goya de la Casa Blanca
R: ¿A quien le importa?
D: Es una violación de la Ley Hatch
R: Si no nos importó la traición o la extorsión, ¿qué te hace pensar que nos importará esto?
D: Es una defensa interesante
MONO: (lanza caca)
D: El mono promueve los frijoles Goya de la Casa Blanca
R: ¿A quien le importa?
D: Es una violación de la Ley Hatch
R: Si no nos importó la traición o la extorsión, ¿qué te hace pensar que nos importará esto?
D: Es una defensa interesante
MONO: (lanza caca)
DAY 1272
D: Polls aren’t looking good for you guys
R: You’re forgetting about the people who plan to vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey but are keeping it a secret
D: Now, why would the SecretPoopers feel the need to do that?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I blame the hateful Left
D: Polls aren’t looking good for you guys
R: You’re forgetting about the people who plan to vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey but are keeping it a secret
D: Now, why would the SecretPoopers feel the need to do that?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I blame the hateful Left
DAY 1273
CNN: An esteemed Congressman & adored public citizen died yesterday
D1: Why hasn’t the President said anything yet?
D2: I don’t think that’s a great idea
D1: He really should pay his respects
D2: I know, but
MONKEY: (flings poop at grave)
D1: never mind
CNN: An esteemed Congressman & adored public citizen died yesterday
D1: Why hasn’t the President said anything yet?
D2: I don’t think that’s a great idea
D1: He really should pay his respects
D2: I know, but
MONKEY: (flings poop at grave)
D1: never mind
DAY 1274
WALLACE: What do you say to critics of your handling of the economy
MONKEY: (flings poop)
W: the pandemic
M: (flings poop)
W: and suggestions that you may lack the cognitive ability to be President
M: (flings poop)
D: This won’t change anything
R: Why would it?
WALLACE: What do you say to critics of your handling of the economy
MONKEY: (flings poop)
W: the pandemic
M: (flings poop)
W: and suggestions that you may lack the cognitive ability to be President
M: (flings poop)
D: This won’t change anything
R: Why would it?
DAY 1276
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ABC: We sense a new tone & new level of engagement from the President
D: Are we really doing this again
ABC: He seems to recognize the gravity of our current national moment
D: What on God’s grey Earth is wrong with you
MONKEY: (flings poop)
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ABC: We sense a new tone & new level of engagement from the President
D: Are we really doing this again
ABC: He seems to recognize the gravity of our current national moment
D: What on God’s grey Earth is wrong with you
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ABC: We pride ourselves on “open-minded” reporting, which means basically ignoring everything the President’s done in the last 4 years & treating his statements like we’re fresh from a clean memory wipe
R: DEATH TO THE LEFTIST MSM COMMIES
ABC: That helps us appeal to both sides
R: DEATH TO THE LEFTIST MSM COMMIES
ABC: That helps us appeal to both sides
DAY 1277
Q: Twitter’s trying to ban us for our beliefs
D: Like what?
Q: We believe that there is a widespread global conspiracy to bring down the President! Oh, and everyone we don’t like is somehow a pedophile
D: I see
Q: Where We Go One, We Go All!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
Q: Twitter’s trying to ban us for our beliefs
D: Like what?
Q: We believe that there is a widespread global conspiracy to bring down the President! Oh, and everyone we don’t like is somehow a pedophile
D: I see
Q: Where We Go One, We Go All!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1278
EPSHTEYN: America is becoming a very scary place! Violent thugs are rioting in the streets, the rule of law is all but dead, & monkey poop is flying everywhere
D: Well, it certainly is horrifying
E: THIS IS ALL JOE BIDEN’S FAULT
D: Oh, FFS
MONKEY: (flings poop)
EPSHTEYN: America is becoming a very scary place! Violent thugs are rioting in the streets, the rule of law is all but dead, & monkey poop is flying everywhere
D: Well, it certainly is horrifying
E: THIS IS ALL JOE BIDEN’S FAULT
D: Oh, FFS
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1279
AOC: When the monkey threw his poop at me, I was not shocked. I see that kind of thing all the time on NYC subways
D: She’s got a point
AOC: By doing it in front of reporters, he gave permission for everyone to throw poop at his wife & daughters
MONKEY: (flings poop)
AOC: When the monkey threw his poop at me, I was not shocked. I see that kind of thing all the time on NYC subways
D: She’s got a point
AOC: By doing it in front of reporters, he gave permission for everyone to throw poop at his wife & daughters
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1281
R: The WP has said 17 million bad things about the Poop-Flinging Monkey & only 2 good things. This means the WP is biased
D: What if it means something else
R: Nope! Biased MSM
D: So what were the good things
R: “Decent eyesight” & “Hasn’t murdered any hitch-hikers”
R: The WP has said 17 million bad things about the Poop-Flinging Monkey & only 2 good things. This means the WP is biased
D: What if it means something else
R: Nope! Biased MSM
D: So what were the good things
R: “Decent eyesight” & “Hasn’t murdered any hitch-hikers”
HANNITY: Even the Washington Post praises our President for not murdering any hitch-hikers!
LIMBAUGH: Can Joe Biden say he’s never murdered any hitch-hikers? HMMMMM?
INGRAHAM: When will Joe Biden’s hitch-hiker massacre come to a merciful end
D: Oh, FFS
MONKEY: (flings poop)
LIMBAUGH: Can Joe Biden say he’s never murdered any hitch-hikers? HMMMMM?
INGRAHAM: When will Joe Biden’s hitch-hiker massacre come to a merciful end
D: Oh, FFS
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1283
IMMANUEL: The government is run by aliens, vaccines will make you atheist, and endometriosis is caused by unconscious demon sex
CNN: Mr. President, why do you endorse this doctor?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is insane
R: Again with the CNN bias
IMMANUEL: The government is run by aliens, vaccines will make you atheist, and endometriosis is caused by unconscious demon sex
CNN: Mr. President, why do you endorse this doctor?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is insane
R: Again with the CNN bias
D: The only reason the President endorses that doctor is because she promotes Dr. Whistlestop’s Miracle Monkey Medicine
R: Democrats are just afraid of what will happen to them when the President turns out to be right
IMMANUEL: Jesus will destroy Facebook
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Democrats are just afraid of what will happen to them when the President turns out to be right
IMMANUEL: Jesus will destroy Facebook
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1285
STEPIEN: Due to the President’s longstanding commitment to hygiene & public safety, we believe it would be in the country’s best interest to postpone the election
CNN: GOOD LORD AND BUTTER
D: Didn’t the GDP just drop 32 points
R: We’ve moved on
MONKEY: (flings poop)
STEPIEN: Due to the President’s longstanding commitment to hygiene & public safety, we believe it would be in the country’s best interest to postpone the election
CNN: GOOD LORD AND BUTTER
D: Didn’t the GDP just drop 32 points
R: We’ve moved on
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Once again, the Poop-Flinging Monkey is outsmarting Democrats with his 72-dimensional chess
D: Isn’t that just “distracting people from bad news by introducing something even worse”
R: Pretty much
D: And how does this benefit America?
R: WINNING!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Isn’t that just “distracting people from bad news by introducing something even worse”
R: Pretty much
D: And how does this benefit America?
R: WINNING!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1284
CALABRESI: I have voted GOP all my life, including the Poop-Flinging Monkey. I opposed his impeachment. But frankly, I was appalled when he threw poop at reporters yesterday
D: Who are you again?
C: The guy from the Federalist Society
D: oh
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CALABRESI: I have voted GOP all my life, including the Poop-Flinging Monkey. I opposed his impeachment. But frankly, I was appalled when he threw poop at reporters yesterday
D: Who are you again?
C: The guy from the Federalist Society
D: oh
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1285
FAUCI: We need to enforce social distancing
JORDAN: WHAT ABOUT THE PROTESTS, HUH?
F: I wasn’t talking about
J: LIBERALS ARE CLOSING THE CHURCHES AND THE GUN STORES, BUT NOT THE PROTESTS!
F: You make no sense
J: I KNOW, BUT I AM VERY LOUD
MONKEY: (flings poop)
FAUCI: We need to enforce social distancing
JORDAN: WHAT ABOUT THE PROTESTS, HUH?
F: I wasn’t talking about
J: LIBERALS ARE CLOSING THE CHURCHES AND THE GUN STORES, BUT NOT THE PROTESTS!
F: You make no sense
J: I KNOW, BUT I AM VERY LOUD
MONKEY: (flings poop)
JORDAN: THE DEMOCRATS ARE DETERMINED TO MAKE THIS HEARING POLITICAL! BUT I WILL NOT LET THE LIBERALS SHUT DOWN OUR CHURCHES & GUN STORES WHILE ANGRY MOBS OF LEFTISTS DESTROY OUR COUNTRY!
FAUCI: I haven’t said anything political
JORDAN: QUIET, PUNY HUMAN!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
FAUCI: I haven’t said anything political
JORDAN: QUIET, PUNY HUMAN!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1288
R: Let’s postpone the election
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: But reopen schools
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Mail-in ballots are risky
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: But Florida should be safe
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I detect mixed messages
R: What part of “flings poop” don’t you get
R: Let’s postpone the election
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: But reopen schools
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Mail-in ballots are risky
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: But Florida should be safe
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: I detect mixed messages
R: What part of “flings poop” don’t you get
DAY 1289
KENNEDY: You don't like the Poop-Flinging Monkey, do you
YATES: I don't respect how he has carried out the Presidency
K: Do you DESPISE the Poop-Flinging Monkey?
Y: You may as well ask if I have a soul & a beating heart
K: What?
Y: Never mind
MONKEY: (flings poop)
KENNEDY: You don't like the Poop-Flinging Monkey, do you
YATES: I don't respect how he has carried out the Presidency
K: Do you DESPISE the Poop-Flinging Monkey?
Y: You may as well ask if I have a soul & a beating heart
K: What?
Y: Never mind
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1290
CUPP: I want to vote for Joe Biden, I really do
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: But I can’t commit until I know who he picks for VP
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: What kind of vision does she have for the country?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: We cannot take this question lightly
CUPP: I want to vote for Joe Biden, I really do
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: But I can’t commit until I know who he picks for VP
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: What kind of vision does she have for the country?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
C: We cannot take this question lightly
DAY 1291
R: We have to vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, because Joe Biden is a feeble old man who plans to give God a wedgie & steal his lunch money
BONO: Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady
D: How long have YOU been here
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: We have to vote for the Poop-Flinging Monkey, because Joe Biden is a feeble old man who plans to give God a wedgie & steal his lunch money
BONO: Stop helping God across the road like a little old lady
D: How long have YOU been here
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1292
Some Factory in Flyswatter, Ohio
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is outrageous! The monkey is treating an official White House event like it’s just another campaign stop
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I don’t know what you mean
MONKEY: (flings poop)
Some Factory in Flyswatter, Ohio
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: This is outrageous! The monkey is treating an official White House event like it’s just another campaign stop
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I don’t know what you mean
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: It’s unseemly! The President is taking advantage of a captive audience to sway their political opinions
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I don’t see the big deal
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Can’t he keep politics out if it and focus on the country’s business?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: I don’t see the big deal
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Can’t he keep politics out if it and focus on the country’s business?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1293 - CNN
ACOSTA: We were told the President was holding a press conference, but it is turning into yet another one of his rallies
LEMON: Maybe we need to stop feigning incredulity every time the monkey shows us he is only capable of doing one thing
MONKEY: (flings poop)
ACOSTA: We were told the President was holding a press conference, but it is turning into yet another one of his rallies
LEMON: Maybe we need to stop feigning incredulity every time the monkey shows us he is only capable of doing one thing
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1294
R: We are starting a movement to add the Poop-Flinging Monkey to Mount R—
NPS: No
R: I didn’t finish
NPS: We know what you want; the answer is no
R: But he’s our greatest President
NPS: Hard no
R: Hmph
NPS: Wait; what are you doing?
R: (puts chisel down) Nothing
R: We are starting a movement to add the Poop-Flinging Monkey to Mount R—
NPS: No
R: I didn’t finish
NPS: We know what you want; the answer is no
R: But he’s our greatest President
NPS: Hard no
R: Hmph
NPS: Wait; what are you doing?
R: (puts chisel down) Nothing
DAY 1295
R: This fall, we demand the reopening of public schools and the football season & we’ll all act like nothing ever happened
D: But that’s a recipe for disaster
R: We won’t let the Deep State control us!
D: There’s still no plan
R: Democrat hoax
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: This fall, we demand the reopening of public schools and the football season & we’ll all act like nothing ever happened
D: But that’s a recipe for disaster
R: We won’t let the Deep State control us!
D: There’s still no plan
R: Democrat hoax
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1297 - CNN
COOPER: Any reaction from the President to Joe Biden’s running mate?
LEMON: Yes; let’s roll the clip
MONKEY: (flings poop)
COOPER: I can’t say I’m surprised
LEMON: We’re now live with the VP nominee herself. Care to comment?
HARRIS: You had a CLIP of that?
COOPER: Any reaction from the President to Joe Biden’s running mate?
LEMON: Yes; let’s roll the clip
MONKEY: (flings poop)
COOPER: I can’t say I’m surprised
LEMON: We’re now live with the VP nominee herself. Care to comment?
HARRIS: You had a CLIP of that?
DAY 1298
R: Kamala Harris is an angry unhinged leftist! She is condescending and angry and she is out to destroy America
D: Really? She doesn’t seem—
R: America needs a calm voice of reason who will not constantly lash out in anger!
D: Heaven forfend
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Kamala Harris is an angry unhinged leftist! She is condescending and angry and she is out to destroy America
D: Really? She doesn’t seem—
R: America needs a calm voice of reason who will not constantly lash out in anger!
D: Heaven forfend
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1299
Press Conference
DÁTE: Mr. President, after three and a half years, do you regret all of the poop you've flung at the American people?
M:
D:
M:
D:
R: Next question
OANN: Mr. President, how did you become so brilliant
MONKEY: (flings poop)
Press Conference
DÁTE: Mr. President, after three and a half years, do you regret all of the poop you've flung at the American people?
M:
D:
M:
D:
R: Next question
OANN: Mr. President, how did you become so brilliant
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CNN: Sir, we have a question about Michael Cohen’s book
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CNN: Specifically, one allegation
STEPIEN: That’s enough
CNN: Involving golden—
STEPIEN: A QUESTION LIKE THAT IS BENEATH THE DIGNITY OF THIS OFFICE AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CNN: Specifically, one allegation
STEPIEN: That’s enough
CNN: Involving golden—
STEPIEN: A QUESTION LIKE THAT IS BENEATH THE DIGNITY OF THIS OFFICE AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1301
FOX: An enormous political boat parade was held in Clearwater, Florida, indicating that the Poop-Flinging Monkey is the runaway favorite among the demographic of Cocky White People Who Own Boats
D: When did “political boat parades” become a thing
MONKEY: (flings poop)
FOX: An enormous political boat parade was held in Clearwater, Florida, indicating that the Poop-Flinging Monkey is the runaway favorite among the demographic of Cocky White People Who Own Boats
D: When did “political boat parades” become a thing
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1302
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The President clearly believes the USPS is not to be trusted & should be defunded immediately
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Now he is saying we must save the Post Office at all costs
D: How can you tell?
R: Liberals just don’t understand nuance
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: The President clearly believes the USPS is not to be trusted & should be defunded immediately
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Now he is saying we must save the Post Office at all costs
D: How can you tell?
R: Liberals just don’t understand nuance
DAY 1303
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
R: What’s he so upset about?
D: He’s not happy with what the DNC said about him last night
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: What’d they say
D: They suggested he hasn’t been using his time in office wisely
R: The nerve!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
R: What’s he so upset about?
D: He’s not happy with what the DNC said about him last night
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: What’d they say
D: They suggested he hasn’t been using his time in office wisely
R: The nerve!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1304
VICTOR DAVIS HANSON: I see the Poop-Flinging Monkey as a tragic hero, willing to do what his country needed most. He was never concerned with making money or getting the credit for it
MONKEY: (flings poop)
VDH: I recommend the works of Sophocles for further reference
VICTOR DAVIS HANSON: I see the Poop-Flinging Monkey as a tragic hero, willing to do what his country needed most. He was never concerned with making money or getting the credit for it
MONKEY: (flings poop)
VDH: I recommend the works of Sophocles for further reference
DAY 1305
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
D: Now what?
R: Goodyear Tires has implemented a near-total ban on poop-flinging in their franchises
D: Perish the thought
R: What happened to freedom of expression?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s like they want to lose our business
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
D: Now what?
R: Goodyear Tires has implemented a near-total ban on poop-flinging in their franchises
D: Perish the thought
R: What happened to freedom of expression?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s like they want to lose our business
DAY 1306
HARRIS: He’s just spent 4 years ranting & raving
OBAMA: He refuses to take the job seriously
WARREN: I didn’t know it was even possible for a monkey to poop that much
HRC: Why do we still have an Electoral College
STEPIEN: Incoming
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
HARRIS: He’s just spent 4 years ranting & raving
OBAMA: He refuses to take the job seriously
WARREN: I didn’t know it was even possible for a monkey to poop that much
HRC: Why do we still have an Electoral College
STEPIEN: Incoming
MONKEY: (poop-flinging frenzy)
STEPIEN: Don’t worry; next week we can spend 4 days telling the American people all of the good things the Poop-Flinging Monkey has done for the country
PARSCALE: Eight hours, huh
S:
P:
S:
P:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
PARSCALE: Sounds tight, but we’ll try to squeeze it all in
PARSCALE: Eight hours, huh
S:
P:
S:
P:
MONKEY: (flings poop)
PARSCALE: Sounds tight, but we’ll try to squeeze it all in
DAY 1307
LOUIS-DREYFUS: If I wanted four more years of monkey shit, I would’ve agreed to that “Seinfeld” spinoff
COMMON: “Can’t elevate the species / While flinging monkey feces...”
SARAH COOPER: (makes bug-eyed face; sarcastically pantomimes flinging poop)
BIDEN: Hi! I’m Joe
LOUIS-DREYFUS: If I wanted four more years of monkey shit, I would’ve agreed to that “Seinfeld” spinoff
COMMON: “Can’t elevate the species / While flinging monkey feces...”
SARAH COOPER: (makes bug-eyed face; sarcastically pantomimes flinging poop)
BIDEN: Hi! I’m Joe
DAY 1308
D: The official platform of the RNC is: “We Hate the Media & We Love the Poop-Flinging Monkey”
R: Sounds reasonable
D: But it’s so divisive
R: Maybe we wouldn’t have to be if the media weren’t so mean to the President & his supporters
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: The official platform of the RNC is: “We Hate the Media & We Love the Poop-Flinging Monkey”
R: Sounds reasonable
D: But it’s so divisive
R: Maybe we wouldn’t have to be if the media weren’t so mean to the President & his supporters
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: So that’s your PARTY platform
R: It’s perfect
D: No principles; just monkey
R: He’s making America great!
D: So whatever he does, you’re fine with it
R: I’m sure he’ll make the right decisions
D: What happened to the GOP?
R: We’re the Party of rugged individualists
R: It’s perfect
D: No principles; just monkey
R: He’s making America great!
D: So whatever he does, you’re fine with it
R: I’m sure he’ll make the right decisions
D: What happened to the GOP?
R: We’re the Party of rugged individualists
DAY 1309
FOX: Welcome to the 2020 Republican National Convention; our theme is “ALL IS MONKEY NOW”
GINGRICH: All Is Monkey Now
McDANIEL: All Is Monkey Now
GRAHAM: All Is Monkey Now
GIULIANI: All Is Monkey Now
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Seriously, WTF
R: All Is Monkey Now
FOX: Welcome to the 2020 Republican National Convention; our theme is “ALL IS MONKEY NOW”
GINGRICH: All Is Monkey Now
McDANIEL: All Is Monkey Now
GRAHAM: All Is Monkey Now
GIULIANI: All Is Monkey Now
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Seriously, WTF
R: All Is Monkey Now
HANNITY: To summarize, Joe Biden is causing the entire country to descend into anarchy, lawlessness, and Communism, and only the Poop-Flinging Monkey can help restore law & order to our proud nation
MONKEY: (flings poop)
HANNITY: Thank you, and All Is Monkey Now
MONKEY: (flings poop)
HANNITY: Thank you, and All Is Monkey Now
DAY 1310
NYT: We’re here in Ratcatcher, Wyoming to speak with some voters
R: Everthing you say is a lie! All is Monkey Now
NYT: That doesn’t sound like a very well-thought out position
R: WHY DO YOU LAMESTREAM MEDIA LEFTISTS LOOK DOWN ON VOTERS LIKE ME?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
NYT: We’re here in Ratcatcher, Wyoming to speak with some voters
R: Everthing you say is a lie! All is Monkey Now
NYT: That doesn’t sound like a very well-thought out position
R: WHY DO YOU LAMESTREAM MEDIA LEFTISTS LOOK DOWN ON VOTERS LIKE ME?
MONKEY: (flings poop)
DAY 1311
ABC: The most crucial thing to consider about the RNC is the tone
CBS: The goal is to humanize the Poop-Flinging Monkey
CNN: They can’t alienate suburban women
MONKEY: (flings poop)
NBC: We’ll bring you more hard-hitting coverage after this
FOX: ALL IS MONKEY NOW!
ABC: The most crucial thing to consider about the RNC is the tone
CBS: The goal is to humanize the Poop-Flinging Monkey
CNN: They can’t alienate suburban women
MONKEY: (flings poop)
NBC: We’ll bring you more hard-hitting coverage after this
FOX: ALL IS MONKEY NOW!
DAY 1312
D: It’s an outrage that the Poop-Flinging Monkey plans to address the RNC from the White House lawn
R: How so?
D: It’s a violation of the Hatch Act
R: Big deal
D: It exploits the office for partisan politics
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Save it for the speech, big guy
D: It’s an outrage that the Poop-Flinging Monkey plans to address the RNC from the White House lawn
R: How so?
D: It’s a violation of the Hatch Act
R: Big deal
D: It exploits the office for partisan politics
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Save it for the speech, big guy
DAY 1313
RAND PAUL: An angry mob is outside the Poop-Flinging Monkey Rally on the White House lawn
McCONNELL: Ah do declare, those liberals are savages
PAUL: We’re only here to pledge undying support for the President!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
McCONNELL: Why do they hate us so
RAND PAUL: An angry mob is outside the Poop-Flinging Monkey Rally on the White House lawn
McCONNELL: Ah do declare, those liberals are savages
PAUL: We’re only here to pledge undying support for the President!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
McCONNELL: Why do they hate us so
DAY 1314
INGRAHAM: The Left is becoming more hateful every day
HANNITY: Look at how the hateful liberals swarm us for supporting our President
DOBBS: It is because they are HATEFUL people! So full of HATE!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CARLSON: And now, more coverage from Kenosha
INGRAHAM: The Left is becoming more hateful every day
HANNITY: Look at how the hateful liberals swarm us for supporting our President
DOBBS: It is because they are HATEFUL people! So full of HATE!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
CARLSON: And now, more coverage from Kenosha
DAY 1315
R: It’s a scandal! The CDC has been caught red-handed falsifying pandemic data
D: What’d they do
R: They neglected to exclude old people who would’ve died in the next 20 years anyway
D: This is lunacy
R: IT’S A HOAX! A DEMOCRAT-DRIVEN HOAX!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s a scandal! The CDC has been caught red-handed falsifying pandemic data
D: What’d they do
R: They neglected to exclude old people who would’ve died in the next 20 years anyway
D: This is lunacy
R: IT’S A HOAX! A DEMOCRAT-DRIVEN HOAX!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: Why you think the CDC is falsifying data
R: They’ll stop at nothing to make the Poop-Flinging Monkey look bad
D: Isn’t the CDC run by our current Dept. of Health & Human Services
R: They don’t want us to know what a glorious job our President is doing
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: They’ll stop at nothing to make the Poop-Flinging Monkey look bad
D: Isn’t the CDC run by our current Dept. of Health & Human Services
R: They don’t want us to know what a glorious job our President is doing
MONKEY: (flings poop)
D: If the monkey were doing a great job, why would the CDC want to hide it
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s because they are all anti-American Deep State globalists
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: They hate the President for ignoring everything they tell him & doing things his own way
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: It’s because they are all anti-American Deep State globalists
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: They hate the President for ignoring everything they tell him & doing things his own way
D: So, if I understand this correctly: the pandemic was a hoax, most of the deaths don’t really count, & the CDC is falsifying data in the service of a political agenda
MONKEY (flings poop)
D: Or, the President has no idea what he’s doing & everyone’s making excuses
R: PFMDS!
MONKEY (flings poop)
D: Or, the President has no idea what he’s doing & everyone’s making excuses
R: PFMDS!
DAY 1316
R: Our cities are erupting in riots & anarchy! Only the Poop-Flinging Monkey can restore law & order
D: But he’s already President
R: Well, he needs more time to apply his common-sense solutions. The only thing these animals respect is STRENGTH!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
R: Our cities are erupting in riots & anarchy! Only the Poop-Flinging Monkey can restore law & order
D: But he’s already President
R: Well, he needs more time to apply his common-sense solutions. The only thing these animals respect is STRENGTH!
MONKEY: (flings poop)
