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This is good for many reasons, esp. the strategy of addressing things *as they arise.*
Where do you start when you inherit a bad employee? — Ask a Manager https://www.askamanager.org/2019/11/where-do-you-start-when-you-inherit-a-bad-employee.html
Where do you start when you inherit a bad employee? — Ask a Manager https://www.askamanager.org/2019/11/where-do-you-start-when-you-inherit-a-bad-employee.html
Readers often ask me for help having 1 big conversation to address a whole sphere of problems, like, “Can’t we just get it all put of the way and head off problems before they occur?”
And I always want to say YES!!!! to the instinct but in practice it is not so effective.
And I always want to say YES!!!! to the instinct but in practice it is not so effective.
The conversation where you lay out needs and expectations and find out where everyone stands is a great one, when it can happen! But what would work for *you* isn’t what would work for everyone -
-esp. stuff that’s been uncorrected over time
-esp. when person is un-self-aware
-esp. stuff that’s been uncorrected over time
-esp. when person is un-self-aware
Bad arguers love to time-travel - it’s never the right time to raise a concern with them, why didn’t you say something before, well in the past it was ok so why not let it go now, well, you messed up in the past, too...etc.
Some people will do and say *anything* to avoid the words “Sorry,” “I appreciate you telling me,” and “I will fix it and not do it again.”
Which, I swear, is all most people - ESPECIALLY BOSSES- want to hear when they are raising a concern!
1) I’m sorry 2) I will correct this going forward 3) Thanks for letting me know
Will get you thru 99% of responding to negative feedback at work.
1) I’m sorry 2) I will correct this going forward 3) Thanks for letting me know
Will get you thru 99% of responding to negative feedback at work.
Having a big overarching (state of the relationship)(employee performance review) is useful sometimes, but starting with waiting for the next time an issue comes up and staying focused on that - just this most recent time, this one thing- is SUCH a good adult conflict skill.
Because when the Shame Spiral/Denial Machine/Bad Argument Generator starts up you can ignore all of it. Not your concern, not what you said, not your focus. The past is the past, but next time/from now on, could the person please do ____ (or knock ___ off) thanks!
Working this way can get everyone - incl. you - out of Feelingstown and into “look, as long as you fix it, everything will be cool from now on” territory aka Face-Saving Junction.
Hop aboard friends!
Hop aboard friends!
Much more here: https://captainawkward.com/2019/11/13/linkety-links-we-need-to-talk-vs-hey-knock-it-off-conflict-management-strategies/ (I promised my therapist I wouldn't keep making all my best material into long twitter threads from now on)
