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1/ If I could only pick two psychological techniques to transform yourself, they would be:
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
(of yourself & reality)
+
RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY
(of your behavior not outcomes)
This is how you unite unconscious & conscious to become unstoppable.
A thread
RADICAL ACCEPTANCE
(of yourself & reality)
+
RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY
(of your behavior not outcomes)
This is how you unite unconscious & conscious to become unstoppable.
A thread
2/ RADICAL ACCEPTANCE is the most misunderstood concept in psychology.
Acceptance is NOT resignation, justification, or passivity.
It is believing you are a person of worth REGARDLESS of anything else.
That's why it is UNCONDITIONAL positive regard.
Acceptance is NOT resignation, justification, or passivity.
It is believing you are a person of worth REGARDLESS of anything else.
That's why it is UNCONDITIONAL positive regard.
3/ Every human being, no matter how ill or twisted, is a person deserving of fundamental, universal human rights, such as life, liberty, & security.
That's not to say we cannot judge or condemn someone for their behavior, but everyone deserves DIGNITY.
https://www.un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights/
That's not to say we cannot judge or condemn someone for their behavior, but everyone deserves DIGNITY.
https://www.un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights/
4/ Thus, radical acceptance is essentially forgiveness.
Forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made & will make,
knowing you did/do the best you could/can
with the limited knowledge, resources, and support you had at the time
Even if it wasn't and isn't good enough.
Forgiving yourself for the mistakes you made & will make,
knowing you did/do the best you could/can
with the limited knowledge, resources, and support you had at the time
Even if it wasn't and isn't good enough.
5/ Radical acceptance is finally acknowledging ALL the parts of you
The multiple 'selves', archetypes, light and shadow, the good and the bad, the beautiful and ugly,
Are deserving of your respect, even if they need to mature.
And are welcome since they will be there ANYWAY.
The multiple 'selves', archetypes, light and shadow, the good and the bad, the beautiful and ugly,
Are deserving of your respect, even if they need to mature.
And are welcome since they will be there ANYWAY.
6/ Radical acceptance is believe you are GOOD ENOUGH
You are that 'good boy/girl' you heard your parents say (or didn't say)
That you are deserving of self-love and the love of others
Even if you are flawed, imperfect, and have work to do.
YOU ARE WHOLE.
You are that 'good boy/girl' you heard your parents say (or didn't say)
That you are deserving of self-love and the love of others
Even if you are flawed, imperfect, and have work to do.
YOU ARE WHOLE.
7/ Radical acceptance is also a radical acceptance of REALITY.
Of finally letting go of the 'just-world hypothesis':
"Good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. And the world should be fair."
Which, perpetuates trauma, bitterness & resentment.
Of finally letting go of the 'just-world hypothesis':
"Good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. And the world should be fair."
Which, perpetuates trauma, bitterness & resentment.
8/ In reality, bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and the world is often unfair.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to be fair in our dealings.
But it also means understanding that virtue is an ideal that will not be lived up to all the time.
That doesn't mean we shouldn't try to be fair in our dealings.
But it also means understanding that virtue is an ideal that will not be lived up to all the time.
9/ Thus, radical acceptance is saying:
"This may not fair, but I accept that it is this way now,
so I will either be willing to have it,
or find a way to change it.
But I will not MARTYR myself in the process."
You cannot change what you cannot first accept.
"This may not fair, but I accept that it is this way now,
so I will either be willing to have it,
or find a way to change it.
But I will not MARTYR myself in the process."
You cannot change what you cannot first accept.
10/ Radical acceptance doesn't meant you need to LIKE reality, it just means you are not denying it or combatting it.
It's okay to have 'righteous indignation' as Patrice O'Neal put it,
But to not be consumed by it, and rather,
Sublimate it into changing YOURSELF or the WORLD.
It's okay to have 'righteous indignation' as Patrice O'Neal put it,
But to not be consumed by it, and rather,
Sublimate it into changing YOURSELF or the WORLD.
11/ Now RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY means owning your BEHAVIOR.
You cannot control your internal experiences (e.g. thoughts, feelings, memories, or sensations).
You can only change the way you relate to them (though mindfulness/willingness).
But you can always choose your ACTIONS.
You cannot control your internal experiences (e.g. thoughts, feelings, memories, or sensations).
You can only change the way you relate to them (though mindfulness/willingness).
But you can always choose your ACTIONS.
12/ Radical responsibility is not blaming or guilt-tripping.
As I tell my clients: "It's not your FAULT you arrived in my office.
But it is your RESPONSIBILITY to get better."
(Thus embodying radical acceptance + responsibility).
You must be accountable for your actions.
As I tell my clients: "It's not your FAULT you arrived in my office.
But it is your RESPONSIBILITY to get better."
(Thus embodying radical acceptance + responsibility).
You must be accountable for your actions.
13/ Radical responsibility means being willing to do whatever you need to do REGARDLESS of
internal pressures (anxiety, depression, fatigue) or
external pressures (stressors, lack of support or reinforcement)
You do it anyway because it moves you towards your VALUES.
internal pressures (anxiety, depression, fatigue) or
external pressures (stressors, lack of support or reinforcement)
You do it anyway because it moves you towards your VALUES.
14/ Once you're crystal clear on your values, radical responsibility is taking:
Daily, committed action TOWARDS.
Want to "be a loving partner" but have no one?
Talk to one person.
Want to have a "healthy lifestyle" but been too busy?
Walk a block.
Baby steps. No excuses.
Daily, committed action TOWARDS.
Want to "be a loving partner" but have no one?
Talk to one person.
Want to have a "healthy lifestyle" but been too busy?
Walk a block.
Baby steps. No excuses.
15/ Even when others or circumstances are a legit factor,
and you could rightly blame them for holding you back,
radical responsibility means taking ownership ANYWAY.
@jockowillink calls this "Extreme Ownership"
Responsible = Response + Able.
ABLE TO RESPOND. So respond.
and you could rightly blame them for holding you back,
radical responsibility means taking ownership ANYWAY.
@jockowillink calls this "Extreme Ownership"
Responsible = Response + Able.
ABLE TO RESPOND. So respond.
16/ The paradox of radical responsibility is a focus on your own behavior, NOT THE OUTCOMES.
This is not to say outcomes don't matter or you shouldn't care how it turns out.
Of course it does. Winning matters.
But winning is the gauge to tell you if your behaviors are working.
This is not to say outcomes don't matter or you shouldn't care how it turns out.
Of course it does. Winning matters.
But winning is the gauge to tell you if your behaviors are working.
17/ Because you cannot be totally responsible for how everything turns out,
You cannot be radically responsible for it.
Thus, don't bother.
Focus on what you can own completely.
YOURSELF. Focus on the inputs, not the outputs.
Outputs are for FEEDBACK & REINFORCEMENT.
You cannot be radically responsible for it.
Thus, don't bother.
Focus on what you can own completely.
YOURSELF. Focus on the inputs, not the outputs.
Outputs are for FEEDBACK & REINFORCEMENT.
18/ Thus, observe whether your behaviors are producing the results you want.
If not, CHANGE YOUR STRATEGIES QUICKLY.
Use my Keystone Habit to iterate rapidly daily.
This avoids lofty theory & grounds you in reality.
DO WHAT WORKS. ABANDON ALL ELSE. https://medium.com/goactualize/this-4-minute-keystone-habit-can-transform-your-next-4-years-3a69822c254a
If not, CHANGE YOUR STRATEGIES QUICKLY.
Use my Keystone Habit to iterate rapidly daily.
This avoids lofty theory & grounds you in reality.
DO WHAT WORKS. ABANDON ALL ELSE. https://medium.com/goactualize/this-4-minute-keystone-habit-can-transform-your-next-4-years-3a69822c254a
19/ Radical responsibility means defaulting to ACTION.
Hesitant? ACT
Worried? ACT
Depressed? ACT
ACTION, ACTION, ACTION.
Get out of your head, and into your ilfe.
Stop ruminating. Quit over-analyzing.
Only reflect during scheduled keystones. Otherwise:
ACT, ACT, ACT!
Hesitant? ACT
Worried? ACT
Depressed? ACT
ACTION, ACTION, ACTION.
Get out of your head, and into your ilfe.
Stop ruminating. Quit over-analyzing.
Only reflect during scheduled keystones. Otherwise:
ACT, ACT, ACT!
20/ The third piece is RADICAL ACCOUNTABILITY
An ACT/performance-focused psychologist,
Will treat you as whole, while holding you to a high standard.
And help you put these principles to practice.
TO BE BETTER, DM me &
For more real science, join:
https://tinyletter.com/drsepah
An ACT/performance-focused psychologist,
Will treat you as whole, while holding you to a high standard.
And help you put these principles to practice.
TO BE BETTER, DM me &
For more real science, join:
https://tinyletter.com/drsepah
I switched newsletter hosts, so go here instead: http://doc.substack.com/
