Coworker: Hey Hazel there’s a package for you.
Me: Huh I wasn’t expecting anything. I wonder what it is.

Wait, I

NO!!!!!

WHO DID THIS

I DIDN'T ORDER THIS WHICH ONE OF YOU DID THIS

i'm fuckin crying from embarassment i had to open this in an empty meeting room so no one would see it

I NEARLY OPENED IT IN THE LOBBY UNTIL I SAW THE RECEIPT

I earnestly have no clue who sent this to me and it could have been literally anybody who's read my tweets in the last six months HOW HAVE I BEEN HOISTED SO HIGH BY MY OWN PETARD?

I actually howled when I realized what it was. Like a full-throated scream of emotional pain.

Whatever hornt you put out into the world will come back to you threefold.

i will never recover from this

who did this to me

why

A coworker just said hi as they walked past and I jumped and said WHAT? and they’re like “nothing?”

I am moments away from being found out