Thread by @Himynameisnoor, Thread. My mum is absolutely mad. This conversation just happened over the [...]

Thread. My mum is absolutely mad. This conversation just happened over the phone. I’m in my room upstairs, and she’s downstairs.

She called and whispered “can you keep a secret”

Me: Um... sure?

Mum: I need you to come with me to go get a parrot.

Me: What??? Mum, not again.

Mum: please just come, if you don’t, I’ll go alone

Me: YOU CAN’T HAVE A SECRET PARROT IN THE HOUSE

Mum: I CAN

Me: HOW. How will you hide this parrot?

Mum: In the kitchen

Me: LITERALLY THE LEAST DISCRETE PLACE IN THE HOUSE

Mum: It could work

Me: MUM

Mum: WELL NONE OF YOU WILL LET ME HAVE CHICKENS

Me: oh don’t bring the chickens up again

Mum: ...

Me: where would you even get a parrot?

Mum: I know a woman.

Me: Who?

Mum: just a woman. With parrots.

Me: [sigh] Where is she based

Mum: somewhere

Me: MUM.

Mum: Look, I need a parrot

Me: You don’t NEED a parrot, no one NEEDS a parrot

Mum: You’ll understand with age.

Me: ?????????

Mum: so are you coming?

Me: I... [sigh] you... [sigh]

Mum: is that a yes???

Me: When?

Mum: Now

Me: NOW?

Mum: Now.

Me: ... NOW???

Mum: get in the car.

Me: mum no, please. We can’t do this. Plus I’m busy until 3pm

Mum: 3pm. Be in the car.

Me: Omg dad is allergic to...

Mum: HE’S NOT, HE TELLS LIES

Me: MUM. Why would he lie??

Mum: ...he has an agenda.

Me: [exasperated] what

Mum: an anti-parrot agenda

Me: please be reasonable, we have a cat

Mum: they will be best friends

Me: mum

Mum: 3pm.

Me: MUM

Mum: Be in the car.

Me: YOU’RE INSA- [she hangs up]

I’m going to try and talk her out of this. It’s ludicrous, we have two people in the house who might be allergic AND A CAT.

Will keep this thread updated

I TRIED TO TALK HER OUT OF IT AND NOW SHE’S SAYING ‘PARROT’ WITH AN ‘S’. She wants more than one???

Me: THIS IS RIDICULOUS

Mum: YOU CAN’T JUST GET ONE. It’ll need little friends.

I can’t believe I’m having to bargain with her. Trying to talk her down down from 4 to 1. PREFERABLY NONE.

She’s a stone cold liar. No one else in the house knows she’s going on this parrot mission. She just lied to my sister about where we’re going. My sister would actually scream if she knew about my mum’s antics.

Ngl, I’m starting to give in. Sitting here watching my mum lie like

We’re on our way to see the parrot lady. My mother looks crazy. She’s driving really fast and giggling to herself

My sister just called me asking where we are, my mum mouthed “TES-CO, say we’re at TES-CO”. I’m sweating.

WE’RE HERE. BIRD LADY HAS CHICKENS. Mum is getting carried away

Um. So... We’re on our way home.

My sister keeps calling. There’s going to be drama when we get home

You don’t understand. We’ve been having this bird argument for a decade now. My mum has been fighting to get birds in the house for YEARS. There’s 11 of us, and half of the fam have always protested. I tried to talk sense to her but she’s gone full rogue.

WE’RE PULLING UP TO THE HOUSE.

Sister: What... what have you done

Mum: I’ve done what needed to be done. I need them.

Sister: You didn’t NEED parrots!!

Mum: THEY’RE LOVE BIRDS

Sister: NOOR, why did you let her do this??

Me:

Sister: you can’t just bring birds into the house

Me: I mean she kind of just did

Sister:

Me: LOOK, I had to talk her out of chickens. And she wanted four parrots but I bargained it down to two. This could’ve been a lot crazier.

[enter kids]

Kids: AWWWWWWWW

Mum: just look at them, aren’t they precious?

Sister: Well yeah they’re adorable but we can’t keep them

Mum:

All of the kids (& me):

Sister: [sigh] okay, well, let’s see what Dad says when he gets home. He’s allergic.

Mum: he’s not

Sister: mum.

Mum: he made it up

Sister: mum no.

Mum: As your mother, I am never wrong.

Sister:

And now we wait for dad.

HE’S HOME.

Dad:

Mum: Do you love me?

Dad: Yes dear, I love you but I don’t think tha-

Mum: I don’t need you to think, I just need to accept the situation.

Dad:

Mum: I NEED them

Dad: You don’t NEED them

Mum: YOU DONT KNOW ME

Dad: WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 42 YEARS, OF COURSE I KNOW YOU

Mum: THEN YOU KNOW HOW BADLY I NEED THEM

Dad: I HAVE ALLERGIES

Mum: I DON’T SEE YOU SNEEZING

Dad: THAT’S NOT HOW ALLERGIES WORK

Dad: What if we just kept one?

Me: They’re love birds and they mate for life, they’ll very literally die without each other.

Dad [to mum]: that reminds me, I’ve booked us a weekend away for our anniversary this year

The rest of us: awww

Mum:

Sister: We really need to make a decision guys

Me: you’re such a mood killer

Sister: You better stfu, you’re just as bad as mum.

[long pause]

Dad: [sigh] what are we naming them?

Mum:

The rest of us:

Dad [to me]: I guess it could be worse. At least she didn’t bring chickens home ha

...Little does he know she was asking the bird lady how much each hen costs and if they lay quality eggs

We haven’t named them yet. Feel free to drop some suggestions!

Thank you so, so much for all of the kind words everyone

we love our mum and her spontaneity. Sorry that I can’t reply to everyone! My app is still crashing and I can’t keep up with all of the notifications. Legit cannot believe my mother’s antics have gone viral

Also just to provide a smidgen of context: my mum grew up in Pakistan tending to chickens, peacocks, goats, rabbits, and a variety of parrots! (Cats and dogs too of course.) She spent most of her time in the chicken coop, and the aviary.

But moving to the UK meant she didn’t have the means (or the time) to have any birds for a while. But now she does! We’re all happy to have our lovebirds, and we’re all on board! :)

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