Do you love her?

Us men need to ask ourselves often when it comes to our partners or significant others because I'm not sure we act like it.

Do you love her?

Not because she's smoking hot, not because she gives you everything she has and everything she is.

Do you love HER?

Do you love her individuality? All the little things that make her who she is. Do you respect her interests no matter how strange they may appear to you? Because newsflash, our interests are just silly & foreign to them, but they learn about it, they get involved. What about you?

You see women sit through our unhealthy relationship with sports and its stars, and they take this on, champion our teams, watch 7 hours of the golf coverage with you.

Do you even bother to find out her interests? What she'd like to spend her weekends doing other than watch you?

Do you know the difference between infills & just gels? Do you know the merits/demerits of closure vs full frontal. Do you even know whether she's a 4a, b or c? Do you know her favourite authors? Sometimes we know but we're so disinterested, we disregard it, call it silly. Awful.

Sometimes we get lucky and her interests are similar to ours, but more often than not, they just inherit it...because it means they get to understand us just a little more, a bit better, but mainly because they love us, and our individuality. But we can't be arsed to do the same.

Do you love her? As an entire human being with her own flaws and battles, or are you expecting perfection from her at all times, while you mire yourself in mediocrity?

Men get frustrated on every little wrong thing a woman does, almost as if she's meant to be always perfect.

We don't allow women the same benefit of doubt we allow ourselves. We give them no scope for growth. It is inherent how most men expect their wives to automatically make their lives better, but ask yourself, "is her quality of life better with me?" mentally & emotionally

Anything less than perfection in a woman and frustration sets in. However we're always quick to say "I'm still learning" in response to actions we should have learned by age 16.

Oh, how a woman allows you to grow out of your massive flaws some even learn to love you WITH them!

Do you love her?

Not as your property that you own but as an adult with agency? Here's another newsflash, marriage, long/short term relationship does not mean you own her. She is allowed to have friends outside of you, she's allowed to spend her days and nights as she sees fit.

The funny thing is that these are the same men who'll turn and say "why don't you have your own life" when it's cramping their style. When they've isolated you from every friendship and sisterhood, they'll get mad at your dependency on them. Men can be clowns sha.

You claim to love her but want to control every aspect of her life; who she's friends with, what time she leaves, what time she gets back, what she spends her money on, how you spend your weekends.

God forbid you don't get your own way, you'll sulk like a toddler or lash out.

This is why a growing number of women are eschewing traditional titles like wife or girlfriend in favour of 'Partner'. This is two adults with agency coming together to make their collective lives better, easier and full of love. Two adults doing life together.

Do you love her?

Do you enjoy making her life easier? Or are you the reason her life is harder every single day? Do you think women in your life enjoy doing everything they do? Or do they do it because it makes you happier and your life easier? The cooking, cleaning & whatever.

While on the subject, the only time is woman is obligated to feed you is when you're still breastfeeding. If food is all you want from a woman, there are professionals for that.

You want her to be your friend, chef, cleaner, sex worker, cheerleader and you don't do the same?!

Some of us men just love what the woman represents. She represents respectability, or progress in life, we don't love the person just the idea of the person. It is why things that make her who she is can upset you so much. You don't love her, you love everything she reps & brings

Do you love her?

Do you love her loving her career, her pursuit of excellence in her chosen field. Or do you only want her supporting your own pursuits. Is her career only ever a second thought to yours. Is your ego more important than her success? Would you ever put her 1st?

When us men utter the phrase "marriage is about compromise and sacrifice" we're not thinking of us compromising. In fact the only thing we men really think we're sacrificing is all the women we think we would've had if we weren't doing you the favour of being with you. Laughable.

Do you love her?

Love her enough to read this and think about all the things we men are doing wrong. Do you love her enough to apologise sincerely. Do you care about her at all, because if you did you'd respect her agency, you'd show kindness & understanding every chance you get

Do you love her enough to change, to improve to the level she deserves. Do you love her enough to make yourself uncomfortable in short term while learning all about her interests. Do you love her not as property but who she is?

Do you love her as a person? Do you love HER?