PERSEPHONE: I'm back, Mom.
DEMETER: Your mail's on the counter. How's Mopey McGee?
PERSEPHONE: Do we have to do this now?
DEMETER: Finish his novel yet?
PERSEPHONE: Mom.
DEMETER: "The Sorrow & The More Sorrow" was it?
PERSEPHONE: I'm not doing this. I'll be back in a week. [SLAM]
PERSEPHONE (ENTERING): Uch, that WOMAN.
HADES: You're back?
PERSEPHONE: For now. A week maybe two. I just CAN'T with her right now.
HADES: ...
PERSEPHONE: Pick pick pick. It's incessant.
HADES: ...
PERSEPHONE: What's wrong?
HADES: It's April. There are rules.
PERSEPHONE: what.
HADES: No look it's GREAT you're back.
PERSEPHONE (coldly): Go on.
HADES: But I mean ... do you really want to keep people waiting? For like, blossoms and bluebells and ... whatnot?
PERSEPHONE: "Bluebells"? The fuck?
HADES: Or I don't know, tulips?
PERSEPHONE: What. Is going. On.
HADES: Nothing. What? Nothing.
PERSEPHONE: HADES.
HADES: It's just ... I've got a lot of documentaries backed up on the DVR. Was kind of looking forward to them.
PERSEPHONE: Well let's watch them together. What are they, like, food or-
HADES: War atrocities.
PERSPHONE: Ah.
HADES: See, I knew -- Look, it's my thing, not your thing, I get it.
PERSEPHONE: WAR ATROCITIES. Are your "THING."
HADES: I mean .. kinda?
PERSEPHONE (to self): Mom was right.
HADES: Hm?
PERSEPHONE: But I'm not giving her the satisfaction. I'm staying here.
HADES: Oh. ... Great.
PERSEPHONE: Move over. Hand me the remote. Let's do this thing.
HADES: I don't thin-
PERSEPHONE: What's this one? "Impale Rider "
HADES: Oh, that's a goodie. Vlad the Impaler.
PERSEPHONE: Uh-huh.
HADES: Mounted folk on pikes a lot.
PERSEPHONE: Going for a run!
HADES: No yeah ok
PERSEPHONE: Hello, MOTHER. Let’s try this again.

DEMETER: I’m not saying anything this time. It’s good to have you back. Your room’s all ready.

PERSEPHONE: ... Ok.Thank you.

DEMETER: I’m a church mouse. Silent. It’s your life, live it.

PERSEPHONE: Good.

(DOORBELL)
DEMETER: Why I wonder who that could be?

PERSEPHONE: Mother. What are y-

DEMETER: It’s Hermes, your high school boyfriend!

HERMES: HAY GURL HAY

PERSEPHONE: Mom. Seriously.

DEMETER: You were such a cute couple! What happened?

HERMES: LIFE happened hunny!

DEMETER: So funny!
PERSEPHONE: Mom you’re just embarrassing yourself now.

DEMETER: I’m just saying, look here’s this nice boy, handsome, successful, with an actual sense of humor.

HERMES: Oh HUNNY.

DEMETER: Imagine that!

PERSEPHONE: I mean should I tell her, or...

HERMES: (Tongue pop)
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